Heartbeat of Innocence

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The strawberries in winter were sweet and sour, but Shen Dongyu ate a few and found them tasteless. He put his hands on his knees, buried his face in his arms, and looked at the gravel-covered cement floor. Chen Jingchuan quickly noticed his silence and squatted down, asking him what’s wrong sincerely and gently.

Shen Dongyu knew what his answer would be the moment he looked into Chen Jingchuan’s eyes, but he couldn’t say it. He could only put a hand away and cover his heart, and he smiled at Chen Jingchuan with a forced smile and said it was okay.

“If you don’t say it, you won’t have a chance to say it tomorrow.” Chen Jingchuan induced, his smile didn’t look like a thief who was trying to deceive his sincerity.

Shen Dongyu’s lips, soaked with strawberries, became colored. He might bite his tongue to say something, but he was particularly afraid of Chen Jingchuan’s words and actions that would suggest leaving.

“Are you leaving again?” Shen Dongyu’s hands relaxed, which was a sign of frustration.

“Yes.” Chen Jingchuan said seriously, “We’re almost done with the work. We need to discuss the details with Mu Xu in person.”

Shen Dongyu thought of the reason why Chen Jingchuan stayed in Shanghai recently, which meant that they wouldn’t be able to see each other for a long time, and became unhappy and unreasonable: “You can let Li Muxu come to Shanghai, or you can not go to the north, it is very cold there. ”

“I’m not afraid of the cold.” Chen Jingchuan didn’t cater to him.

“We’ll be too far away.” Shen Dongyu gradually became anxious. He wanted to say many things that could keep Chen Jingchuan here, but he still didn’t dare say them. Shen Dongyu stared at Chen Jingchuan, secretly hating his weakness and lack of bravery for ten years.

“It’s not far. Come to Beijing to accompany me then.” Chen Jingchuan shook his head, raised his hand to touch the top of Shen Dongyu’s head, and asked the question just now: “Can you tell me why you are unhappy now?”

Even if Shen Dongyu thought it was unfair that he couldn’t get Chen Jingchuan’s answer and Chen Jingchuan could easily get his answer, he would still tell Chen Jingchuan that it was because the strawberries were too sour.

At the end of that year, Jiang Yuan and Chen Lu traveled abroad, and they and some tenants were the only ones left in their Shanghai home.

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That building carried all of Shen Dongyu’s secret love, including the sobbing on the rooftop, the drowsiness in the corridor, the winter love under the balcony of the guest room, or maybe the sugared hawthorn bought in the snow that day.

After Shen Dongyu finished his senior year of college, he chose to continue studying. He had no requirements for study and had no confidence in his future work or life. He just wanted to stay in his comfort zone and do nothing.

In summer, the campus was full of greenery, and students sat scattered from the corridor to under the pine and cypress trees. The birds flew over their heads and left blurry shadows. Shen Dongyu called Chen Jingchuan outside the noisy classroom.

“I’m going on vacation, Jingchuan.” Shen Dongyu’s tone was cheerful, and he seemed to be happier than ever before. He wanted Chen Jingchuan to fulfill his promise to go to Beijing to accompany him.

But Shen Dongyu wasn’t so lucky, and his excitement turned into despair in an instant. It was Jiang Yuan who answered the call, and they were having a romantic meeting with a woman in a restaurant in Beijing.

“A’Yu, can you ask Jingchuan to call you back later?” Jiang Yuan was still very gentle, but Shen Dongyu felt that every word she spoke was like a knife.

“Auntie.” Shen Dongyu called Jiang Yuan, blinked, and asked with difficulty, “Will Chen Jingchuan get married?”

“Yes.” Jiang Yuan’s voice sounded so happy. She always talked endlessly about Chen Jingchuan’s life events. She told Shen Dongyu how good it would be after getting married. With two more children, the family of four would be complete.

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Shen Dongyu couldn’t understand, but he could feel that Chen Jingchuan should be very happy. At least he wouldn’t spend the New Year alone, let alone be unable to eat because he was busy working until late at night.

“Auntie.” Shen Dongyu’s eyes blurred, and hot tears fell down the bridge of his nose. He said, I hope he is happy.

His heart seemed to be pressed by the overturning force of some heavy object, feeling painful and sore. Shen Dongyu hung up the phone tremblingly and stared blankly, recalling the meaning of Jiang Yuan’s every sentence. He clearly knew what it meant, but he still kept repeating it over and over again as if he were masochistic. Recall and confirm again.

The phone vibrated again, and the caller ID was Chen Jingchuan.

Shen Dongyu wanted to hang up, but he had never learned how to reject the same person since he was a child.

“Shen Dongyu,” Chen Jingchuan called him, his tone was very rare and exciting. Shen Dongyu subconsciously hummed, lowered his head, and then heard Chen Jingchuan say, “It was my mother who said she wanted to have dinner with me, and she also brought someone with her. I didn’t know until we arrived.”

“Yeah.” Shen Dongyu’s blank nerves could not form any coherent words for the time being.

Chen Jingchuan knew Shen Dongyu too well and knew that he no longer had the energy to listen to his explanation, so he sighed dejectedly: “Don’t wish me happiness, okay?”

“Chen Jingchuan,” Shen Dongyu swallowed the discomfort in his throat and tried to talk to him: “I know why my home in Shanghai can never keep you, and I always ask you why the lights in the corridor are always broken… ”

Shen Dongyu smiled self-deprecatingly. There were no clouds in the blue sky, and the scorching sun burnt everything in the world. The hot ground made his consciousness blurry, but countless scenes about the past flashed through him clearly: “But you are going to have a new home.”

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He had lost the many excuses to keep Chen Jingchuan here.

“Shen Dongyu, what nonsense are you talking about!” Chen Jingchuan roared angrily, almost wanting to go to Shen Dongyu immediately and ask him to shut his mouth.

What Shen Dongyu gave him was a long silence and the sound of a lighter.

“Come to Beijing now, I’ll book a flight for you.” Chen Jingchuan said, “You have to come no matter what.”

It had been two days since he went to Beijing. The weather was dry, different from the humid south. So Shen Dongyu had two nosebleeds in the taxi as soon as he got off the plane. It may also have something to do with his physique.

That was the first time Shen Dongyu entered a place belonging to Chen Jingchuan alone.

The hot summer wind was hidden in the treetops, and dusk covered the back of the person walking into the corridor with orange.

Chen Jingchuan’s home was a two-story apartment. The first floor included the sofa, wine rack, bar counter, and kitchen.

The furnishings were mainly white, and the curtains were almost always closed, so he couldn’t see the outside environment.

Shen Dongyu wanted to go through every corner to find out why Chen Jingchuan liked this place.

“Mr. Chen is in the bedroom on the second floor. Go up.” The assistant said to Shen Dongyu before leaving.

He thanked the assistant. He looked around and followed the stairs to the second floor.

Because the opaque curtains gave him some familiarity and security, Shen Dongyu quickly adapted to this place.

After Shen Dongyu gently opened the door, he saw the person standing under the window.

Chen Jingchuan, who was wearing home clothes, had white gauze wrapped around his right wrist. It was an injury caused by boxing. His slightly tired face watched Shen Dongyu step closer and closer to him.

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Shen Dongyu also clearly saw the green trees and urban buildings outside the window.

“Why are you so careless?” Shen Dongyu sat at the end of the bed, staring at the white gauze on the opposite side with a puzzled tone.

“I was distracted.” Chen Jingchuan’s answer was a bit perfunctory.

Chen Jingchuan’s voice was hoarse, which was different from his usual clear and gentle voice. There was something scratching in Shen Dongyu’s heart when he heard it, which made him admit that he was heartbroken and ignored his perfunctory words.

Shen Dongyu secretly observed Chen Jingchuan, whom he hadn’t seen for so long, and found that more than just his voice seemed different from before.

“Don’t be distracted next time.” Shen Dongyu ordered before he could find any difference and didn’t want to get too entangled.

“Won’t you ask me why?” Chen Jingchuan turned around completely and closed the distance with Shen Dongyu.

Shen Dongyu unnaturally glanced away at his approach, never imagining that Chen Jingchuan’s “why” would be him. He wasn’t that narcissistic.

Even though he had arrived at Chen Jingchuan’s side and others could clearly see the meaning, Shen Dongyu wanted to get more recognition and security than others.

Chen Jingchuan smiled lowly, then raised his chin and looked at a pack of cigarettes placed next to the TV cabinet.

He wanted Shen Dongyu to get him a cigarette to smoke, but Shen Dongyu made no move. But when he saw the cigarette case on the TV cabinet, he turned around in disbelief and asked him with wide eyes, “Do you smoke now?”

It looked like he finally got a clue to the ideas he wanted to prove.

“Yeah.” Chen Jingchuan nodded unabashedly. “What’s wrong?”

Shen Dongyu couldn’t accept it and looked at him intently for a few seconds. Then, just like Chen Jingchuan thought, he walked to the TV cabinet, picked up the Marlboro bought from the canteen, looked around, and then there was no movement.

Chen Jingchuan watched as Shen Dongyu took out one, put it in his mouth, skillfully lit it with a lighter, blew out two puffs of smoke in front of the black-screen TV, and quickly returned it to his pale face.

“Chen Jingchuan.” Shen Dongyu stood there and called him. Controlling his choked voice, he asked again, “Why?”

Chen Jingchuan didn’t know whether he was asking why he was distracted or why he was smoking.

But there was only one answer.

He swallowed to relieve the discomfort in his throat and told Shen Dongyu, “I was thinking of you when I was boxing. Marlboro is your favorite cigarette.”

Shen Dongyu trembled visibly, and his arms fell. The speed of the cigarette burning filled the room with a layer of gray and blue.

He lowered his head and said nothing. When he came, he thought Chen Jingchuan would announce the wedding date to him.

The silent atmosphere made Chen Jingchuan feel suffocated. He wanted to step forward, but Shen Dongyu stopped him with strong emotions: “Please… please, don’t come over yet… ”

“Dongyu.” Chen Jingchuan called him like he had for the past eight or nine years.

The patient and gentle voice made Shen Dongyu muster up the courage to look at Chen Jingchuan.

Smoke filled the room, and they stared at each other through the smoke. Shen Dongyu’s eyes showed years of love and fatigue for Chen Jingchuan.

It was Shen Dongyu who first moved his eyes away and looked blankly at the wall and TV again. He smoked the cigarettes one after another, and the ashes piled up longer and longer. Until the skin on his fingertips burned with a pungent sensation, he stubbed it out and threw it into the trash can.

The sunlight fell on the floor barrenly, and the dry wind ruffled the gauze curtains, scratching Chen Jingchuan’s heart twice.

They were silent. Shen Dongyu stopped asking for the reason.

Not knowing who overcame the adaptation and difficulties, the irritability and depression, they stood by the bed. The white sheets around the legs cast a thin, clear shadow.

Chen Jingchuan seriously looked at Shen Dongyu’s moist eyes and eyelashes that opened up and down, grabbed his arm and pulled him into his arms, stroked the hair on the back of his head with comfort, and then gently lifted his chin towards himself. Their slightly cool lips touched.

The kiss was very light, with moist heat between the teeth.

Panting and biting and licking, Chen Jingchuan told Shen Dongyu his thoughts.

They fit perfectly. In Shen Dongyu’s favorite room, with blind curtains, Chen Jingchuan’s bed, there was no sense of night or day.

 

TL: aaaaaa there it is. But I really didn’t expect them to uh, go all the way this quickly. That was so sweet though =w=