Heartbeat of Innocence

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After a short stay in Las Vegas, Chen Jingchuan and Shen Dongyu returned directly to Shanghai, but Shen Dongyu hadn’t been in a good mood those days. Although the time he spent with Chen Jingchuan gradually lengthened, he was still mostly depressed and different from before.

The summer this year was really hot. The popsicles in the canteen downstairs were almost sold out. The outdoor unit of the air conditioner emitted hot air, and the noise driven by the main air conditioner unit mixed with human voices as it became more and more boiling.

Shen Dongyu squatted at the entrance of the canteen and smoked. The small fan next to him blew on the old grandpas who were playing chess. The tobacco messily fell on the cement floor. Just now, the female shopkeeper told him to sweep the floor for her after he finished smoking.

The canteen was newly opened last year. The clothing store had moved.

Shen Dongyu finished smoking half a pack of cigarettes and bought another box, and put it in his pocket. He took the broom the shopkeeper had erected in the corner and swept away the cigarette ashes for her before leaving.

Today, he washed the clothes and hung them to dry on the rooftop, but he didn’t want to put them away this early with the sun out. He sat on the shady stairsteps for a while and then went upstairs after the smell of cigarette smoke dissipated.

He would pass by Chen Jingchuan’s house when walking back home. Jiang Yuan was cooking in the kitchen and seemed to be chatting happily with Chen Jingchuan. Her hearty laughter could be heard from a distance.

The door was open, and Shen Dongyu walked in without knocking.

As soon as he entered the door, Shen Dongyu heard Jiang Yuan comparing Lin You and Li Muxu and asking Chen Jingchuan when he could get married. It was only at that moment that Shen Dongyu realized that Chen Jingchuan had reached the age of marriage.

Chen Jingchuan seemed much more relaxed when faced with this topic. He smiled and said casually, “I’m not in a hurry.”

After Chen Jingchuan wiped the water droplets on the rim of the last bowl with a dry rag, he put it in the cabinet while listening to Jiang Yuan’s sincere babble from his remark of not being in a hurry.

When she took off her apron and turned around to go to the refrigerator to get the fruit she bought last night, Chen Jingchuan heard her say “ah” from behind, and turned around to see Shen Dongyu standing blankly at the door.

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The boy still wore the pajamas he had worn when he had breakfast with Chen Jingchuan, and his curly hair hung lazily on the collarbone of his collar. And Shen Dongyu’s eyes were on him.

Chen Jingchuan’s heart skipped a beat, and then he closed the cupboard door slowly. Although Shen Dongyu’s eyes made him feel a little uncomfortable, he still asked him calmly, “Where did you go?”

Shen Dongyu did not answer his words, lowered his gaze, and shook his head with an unknown meaning.

His emotions were almost convulsing, and his heart was beating loudly. He didn’t know how to understand Jiang Yuan’s words just now.

Shen Dongyu moved his eyes away from Chen Jingchuan’s face, greeted Jiang Yuan, then turned and left. Running to the hot rooftop, where he didn’t want to go just now.

Jiang Yuan couldn’t see anything wrong with Shen Dongyu, so she continued to open the refrigerator, took out the fruits, and washed them in the sink.

Running water passed through her fingertips, and the chirping of cicadas outside the window faintly entered the room through the glass window. The gauze curtain that hadn’t been pulled down to block the scorching sun was blown in the air by the cold wind of the air conditioner, drawing shadows on the floor.

Due to Shen Dongyu’s restraint, everything that day seemed extremely quiet.

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Chen Jingchuan first searched around downstairs, then even at Shen Shuran’s place, and finally saw Shen Dongyu on the rooftop.

Chen Jingchuan had an intuition that he was in a bad mood and wanted to tease him to make him happy. Unexpectedly, the boy was actually crying, holding a familiar cigarette between his trembling fingertips.

“Why’re you crying?” When Chen Jingchuan asked this question, he realized that he might know the reason.

Chen Jingchuan held his shoulders, but Shen Dongyu kept lowering his head and refused to let Chen Jingchuan see how embarrassed and twisted he was for him. The hot tears could only fall to the ground.

Chen Jingchuan seemed to be evading, hoping that it wasn’t what he thought, and cruelly continued to ask him what happened.

Shen Dongyu was in a difficult situation, just like when he was drunk a long time ago and sat in a stairwell in a daze, telling Chen Jingchuan over and over again that he felt very uncomfortable.

When Chen Jingchuan heard that he felt uncomfortable, from the irritation left from previous times when he couldn’t find out the reason, he sighed.  The fingers holding Shen Dongyu’s shoulders tightened slightly. He looked at the ground that was hot under the noon sun, blinked, and then looked at Shen Dongyu again.

Shen Dongyu endured it for too long. The anger and sadness deep in his heart made him breathe heavily. His red and swollen eyes and uncontrollable sobs dug into Chen Jingchuan’s heart again and again.

Shen Dongyu took advantage of the discomfort and hid in Chen Jingchuan’s arms.

Chen Jingchuan didn’t evade or respond, letting him hold himself.

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Tears soaked the fabric on his shoulders, and in this hug, he felt Shen Dongyu unconsciously bite the sides of his neck as Shen Dongyu attempted to restrain his sobs.

The smell of cigarettes was familiar, from the damp, newly built teaching building, the corridor outside a certain classroom, apart from the faint metallic smell, the smell of cigarettes was much stronger.

Not knowing how many cigarettes had been smoked then, nor how far he had come.

This summer, the hot evening breeze surrounded the people in an embrace. The Oriental Pearl Tower standing tall in the distance was the background of that year, as were the wires and buildings tangled overhead, the primary school students wearing red scarves, the familiar sound of motorcycle engines, and the sycamore trees filling the streets.

Shen Dongyu was sent home by Chen Jingchuan. With Shen Shuran’s comfort, he gradually became less stimulated and fell asleep.

Chen Jingchuan and Shen Shuran exited the room and leaned on the long corridor covered with off-white wallpaper, looking at each other without saying a word.

Chen Jingchuan was pondering over something while waiting for Shen Shuran to speak.

He knew that many things were beyond his control. A certain feeling had long spread like cranberry vines anywhere in the body, itching in the deepest part, causing bloody marks when he scratched it. A silent warning.

“Jingchuan.”

The emotions that Shen Shuran had been brewing for a long time were slowly unfolding. She also hoped that she would not do anything extreme and talk to Chen Jingchuan calmly.

Chen Jingchuan raised his face and looked into Shen Shuran’s searching eyes, trying to keep himself casual. Although he had noticed that he was panicking for the first time in his life, he still controlled the volume steadily: “You can talk.”

She opened her mouth and didn’t know how to say such a thing. In the end, she could only give up and lower her head: “I’ll help you take care of the wound.”

Shen Shuran would rarely look discouraged.

Chen Jingchuan knew that he should do something to comfort her. He approached this woman, who was many years older than him, reached out and patted Shen Shuran on the shoulder, and said, “Let’s go.”

Shen Shuran’s bedroom was simple and clear. The room wasn’t as dark as Shen Dongyu’s, and the sun outside the window broke in brightly and warmly.

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The air conditioner was turned on full blast, everything was quiet, and the voices of the people walking downstairs could be heard. Shen Shuran took out a medical box specially prepared for Shen Dongyu from the drawer under the TV cabinet.

There were gauze, iodine, saline, cotton balls, anti-inflammatory medicine, and analgesics inside.

Chen Jingchuan sat with his neck raised, and Shen Shuran wet the cotton ball with saline and wiped away the dried blood around the wound.

“Does it still hurt?” Shen Shuran asked him.

“Not really.” Chen Jingchuan remembered the pain at the beginning, but it had become much lighter in comparison.

Shen Shuran piled the blood-stained cotton balls on the tweezers on the table. Chen Jingchuan glanced at Shen Shuran and remained silent.

Shen Shuran glanced down at Chen Jingchuan’s expression at this moment and said half-jokingly, “Do you think A’Yu is a little crazy?”

“Don’t say that.” Chen Jingchuan frowned slightly in discomfort because of Shen Shuran’s words.

Shen Shuran continued what she was doing, but Chen Jingchuan reached out and grabbed Shen Shuran’s wrist, which was about to apply anti-inflammatory medicine, and said lightly, “That’s enough.”

Shen Shuran straightened her back slowly and then sat down aside.

Blood-stained cotton balls and bottles of physiological saline with unscrewed caps were scattered on the table, with no intention of clearing them away immediately.

She looked straight out the window and scratched the sudden itching on the inside of her wrist, which was like the grief she suddenly couldn’t bear. She suppressed her voice that was about to collapse and told Chen Jingchuan, “A’Yu… A’Yu isn’t crazy. He just likes you too much.”

Chen Jingchuan’s empty eyes were finally willing to focus on Shen Shuran’s back facing him, and he said hoarsely, “I know; I’ve known it for a long time.”

After leaving Shen Shuran’s room, Chen Jingchuan didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to hear Jiang Yuan’s constant talk about marriage.

Chen Jingchuan went downstairs, walked to the door of the canteen, and asked the shopkeeper lying on the rocking chair for a bag of Marlboros.

The female shopkeeper was probably curious about why so many people liked this brand. She smiled and told Chen Jingchuan that the handsome guy upstairs came to buy it two or three times a week, and he was willing to help her sweep the floor every time.

Chen Jingchuan took a lighter, took out a cigarette, and put it in his mouth. He looked at the cigarette case and smiled. “He is a good person.”

The landlady seemed to be chatting with him again with a smile, but Chen Jingchuan was too distracted to listen or respond seriously. He just lit the cigarette and held it between his fingers, taking two puffs occasionally, and choked.

He almost choked with physiological tears. He raised his hand to wipe the corners of his eyes and heard the female shopkeeper say, “If you don’t know how to smoke, it’s best not to smoke.”

Chen Jingchuan’s mouth was flat, and he didn’t say anything.

Finally, when the cigarette burned halfway, Chen Jingchuan stamped it out, turned around and asked the shopkeeper where the broom was, swept away the ashes at the door, and then went upstairs again.

After Shen Dongyu woke up at night, Shen Shuran asked him to accompany her for a walk.

Shanghai was still lively. Shen Shuran held his arm and looked quietly at the street performers who were singing songs in the square.

Shen Dongyu suddenly looked at his sister beside him. In the past few years, she has always been too busy to see anyone. Now her pace of life had finally slowed down, and she had time to chat with him, drink afternoon tea, and go shopping with Auntie Jiang Yuan to buy luxury goods.

In fact, Shen Shuran was a fragile and taciturn woman. Fragility could only be discovered when Shen Dongyu inadvertently discovered it. Her eyes, which have been tempered by time, still reveal to him warmth and inexplicable sadness.

Shen Dongyu gradually realized that his sister had become more dependent on him, and he also realized that he had reached the age to take care of and love his sister.

Summer ended in wordless silence, and Shanghai entered early autumn again.

Chen Jingchuan’s work has slowed down, and he planned to start his own business in partnership with Li Muxu. His current life was in Shanghai.

He learned how to make various types of meals and prepare soups, always letting Shen Dongyu watch and give him advice.

Chen Jingchuan washed the strawberries and covered his hands with cold water. Shen Dongyu stayed aside and looked at the whirlpool in the pool. Chen Jingchuan looked at him for a long time without any reaction. He raised his hand in the air and dripped the water droplets into the back of Shen Dongyu’s neck.

The coolness brought Shen Dongyu back to his senses. His cheeks flushed, and he glared at Chen Jingchuan angrily.

Chen Jingchuan waved his hand, leaned over, and said to him, “Why’re you in a daze?”

Shen Dongyu turned his face to the right, deliberately not looking at Chen Jingchuan, and replied in a low voice, “Forgot.”

“Think about it now.” Chen Jingchuan held his head with both hands, and the cold fingertips touched Shen Dongyu’s increasingly warm face and slowly made him face him. “If you can’t think of it, you can’t leave, en?”

Outside the kitchen, Jiang Yuan saw Chen Jingchuan squeezing Shen Dongyu into a corner. A black shadow loomed over Shen Dongyu. Shen Dongyu seemed to be afraid of him, so Shen Dongyu didn’t even dare to raise his eyes, even if he was forced to hold his head.

“You bullied A’Yu again, how old are you!” Jiang Yuan interrupted. She thought of the unspeakable1gay, and didn’t want them to get along like that.

“I didn’t.” Chen Jingchuan left Shen Dongyu and raised his hands to show that he had done nothing. Jiang Yuan looked at Shen Dongyu with disbelief, and Chen Jingchuan turned around and asked, “Did I?”

The light in the kitchen was cold white, and everything he looked at was deserted. Even Chen Jingchuan’s gaze was full of pressure. Shen Dongyu really couldn’t remember the memory of similar eyes in the past. Many things had changed. He wanted to rush over and tell Chen Jingchuan not to look at him that way. He wanted Chen Jingchuan to be gentler to him.

Shen Dongyu wanted to tell Aunt Jiang Yuan no, but his voice became hoarse and he shook his head.

Chen Jingchuan smiled with satisfaction, put the strawberries on the plate, and walked out of the kitchen with Shen Dongyu in his arms.

The wind on the rooftop was relatively comfortable. Shen Dongyu sat under the railing, occasionally looking up at Chen Jingchuan, lingering on the sweetness of the strawberries.

 

TL: the next chapter is what we’ve all been waiting for, so I sacrificed a little sleep to get it out early. Enjoy ^^

1gay