Heartbeat of Innocence

Chapter 19

When Chen Jingchuan drove to Nanjing Road, Shen Dongyu suddenly sat up from the backseat and absent-mindedly looked out the windows on both sides. Because he was drinking, his mouth was filled with a bitter taste. It was very astringent. He smacked his mouth twice and asked Chen Jingchuan, “Where are we?”

Chen Jingchuan looked at the person in the rearview mirror, who had all of his hair pointed messily towards the ceiling, with a foolish appearance. He smiled, “Nanjing Road. We’re almost at home.”

Chen Jingchuan didn’t know if it was because he was too indulgent towards Shen Dongyu that made him frantically ask him to stop the car and buy some sugared hawthorns nearby.

But when Shen Dongyu was drunk and making all kinds of mischief, Chen Jingchuan had a hunch that if he didn’t do what he wanted, he would never get home safely. He reluctantly parked the car in the only remaining parking space in a parking lot near the Huangpu River and left Shen Dongyu alone in the car, who felt uncomfortable after drinking soju. Chen Jingchuan walked alone to Nanjing Pedestrian Street across the river to buy him sugared hawthorns.

Shen Dongyu woke up several times in a daze while Chen Jingchuan was out. He always couldn’t remember clearly and was slow to realize what he should do next because of the side effects of the medicine. Sometimes he lay in bed absentmindedly, wondering if he would forget even himself one day.

Like many times just now, he forgot where Chen Jingchuan went.

Shen Dongyu sat up from the back seat in shock, opened the car door, and quickly left the car as if running away. He stood on the ground and was hit by the cool river breeze. His brain gradually became clearer, but his heartbeat was still fast, and the tremors were still in his fingers. It happened suddenly, and he didn’t recover for a long time.

He slowly squatted down, crossed his hands and hugged his knees, buried his head inside, and then cried helplessly and silently in fear.

A ferry on the river blew its whistle nearby, and Shen Dongyu was willing to raise his head and put his thoughts elsewhere. Black hair stuck to his cheeks. Shen Dongyu didn’t like the itchy, cool feeling when the wind blew.

On the other side were dazzling neon lights, a mess of colors gathered together, becoming a scene in the tourists’ cameras. Excluding those messy sounds, Shen Dongyu could hear the low hum of the Huangpu River, so slow and secretive.

Shen Dongyu rubbed his hair irritably and then took out a pack of Marlboro from his pocket that seemed to have been smoked for many years. In fact, he wasn’t a big smoker, but cigarettes could effectively relieve his mood. It was more effective than the medicine prescribed by the doctor.

He put it in his mouth and quickly blew out the smoke, which made his already tired eyes sore again. Shen Dongyu couldn’t bear the discomfort, so he held the cigarette in his hand, stood up and walked to the railing, put his hand on it, and looked at one place silently and cluelessly.

When Chen Jingchuan was carrying the sugared hawthorn he had queued up for a long time to buy, he looked in the distance and saw such a heavy and uneasy appearance.

As he got closer, the profile Chen Jingchuan had been staring at turned back to look at him without warning.

Across the distance, in his peripheral vision, he could see the blurry shadow of parked cars, the black asphalt road, the strange city lights, and the layer of smoke blown by Shen Dongyu. All these superfluous backgrounds revealed the sadness in Shen Dongyu’s eyes.

“You’re back.” Shen Dongyu put out the cigarette before he got close, threw it into the corner behind him, and smiled at Chen Jingchuan.

Chen Jingchuan handed him the sugared hawthorn in his hand and chose to ignore the scene just now: “I bought it for you, let’s try one first.”

“Okay.” Shen Dongyu said one word softly. He looked at the contents of the bag and gradually stopped smiling.

The cold wind blew by. Shen Dongyu calmly held the sugared hawthorn in his arms and no longer made trouble with Chen Jingchuan like before. The two of them sat in Chen Jingchuan’s car and listened to the radio quietly. It seemed that something happened between them, but it seemed that it didn’t happen.

But they both used the female host’s voice as an excuse to escape.

In the end, Chen Jingchuan didn’t ask why Shen Dongyu smoked, let alone why he cried.

Shen Dongyu turned sideways, holding a small piece of hawthorn in his mouth and cried with his eyes closed.

In fact, he doesn’t like sugared hawthorns at all.

It was really sour, and the sourness spread even to his heart and lungs. He wanted to vomit.

After spending the New Year in Shanghai, every day went by so fast that Shen Dongyu almost felt anxious. After returning from the parking lot that day, Chen Jingchuan had been busy with work and rarely met and chatted with Shen Dongyu.

And Shen Dongyu also returned to the Hangzhou campus alone. Every day’s classes were so packed that there was no room for phone calls. Such a fast-paced life and studies made Shen Dongyu feel bored from the bottom of his heart. As long as he sat in his seat, he wanted to run home and hide where no one could find him.

His anxiety caused him to ask for a week’s leave from his teacher that night. The reason why the teacher approved the leave was simply because he said he was going to Beijing for treatment.

The teacher called Shen Shuran after Shen Dongyu left school. Shen Shuran had to force herself to make excuses for Shen Dongyu. When she hung up the phone and called Shen Dongyu again, the phone on the other end was completely shut down.

Hangzhou was always warm and sunny in the spring and summer. The walls of old houses were covered with ivy leaves. The leaves of the sycamores and banyan trees planted on both sides of the streets seemed to have never fallen to the ground all year round. There were a few scattered people on the bus platform playing with their mobile phones.

But today, under a gray sky and orange street lights, Shen Dongyu waved to a green taxi and stopped on the side of the road.

He asked the driver to take him to the Qiantang River.

The riverside was green and empty, with high fences and few people. The wind was stronger than the Huangpu River, and the field of vision was bright, so many iconic buildings from promotional photos could be seen.

Shen Dongyu walked blindly along the road, not knowing where his destination would be if he continued walking like this, but he didn’t want to stop.

It wasn’t until the rare sunset appeared on the horizon in the evening from the rainy weather that he was forced to stop and look at the burning clouds at dusk, slowly falling into a trance.

When Shen Dongyu took the bus back, he called Chen Jingchuan. He carefully calculated in his mind how long it had been since the two of them had spoken.

Probably since Chen Jingchuan left Shanghai after the Chinese New Year without even saying hello, he had been busy with his current work, which had been three months so far.

Nervousness and anticipation filled the heart of the boy in the back seat, and the cell phone he held changed from his right ear to his left ear.

He remembered that in the past, he could ask Chen Jingchuan if it was snowing there, because he really didn’t know what reason to make a call.

But now it seems that all the reasons have been found, and Shen Dongyu’s words have become scarce.

The call was a little slow to connect, but Shen Dongyu patiently listened to the first release of the ringtone, and Chen Jingchuan didn’t answer until the second ring.

Chen Jingchuan didn’t speak at first, but Shen Dongyu could hear the noises on his side.

Shen Dongyu asked first, “Where are you?”

“Company dinner, but there were too many people and it was too loud.” Chen Jingchuan explained: “That’s why I was slow to answer the call just now.”

Shen Dongyu smiled bitterly and didn’t care. Another question arose: “Did you have to drink?”

In fact, Shen Dongyu didn’t hear Chen Jingchuan’s words that clearly. He pressed the phone tightly to his ear, wanting to hear more of his voice and not miss a single word.

“Ya, it was necessary.” Chen Jingchuan replied.

Shen Dongyu could feel that Chen Jingchuan didn’t have much time to chat with him now, and there was no topic that could make the call last longer. But he still stiffly found a topic, not wanting to give up: “I like wine.”

Chen Jingchuan held up his mobile phone to talk to Shen Dongyu while having to deal with the toasts from the visitors. It was very inconvenient. He didn’t respond to the topic Shen Dongyu tried his best to find, but interrupted: “Okay, I’ll hang up now. I’ll call you when I get back tonight.”

The bus was crowded, with many people rushing home from work. Within the crowd, Shen Dongyu lowered his head, feeling like there was sudden, heavy rain outside the car, drenching everything that smelled like sunshine in the city.