Heartbeat of Innocence

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Li Muxu angrily went to pick up Chen Jingchuan at the airport. On the way back from picking up Chen Jingchuan, he had been mindlessly insulting Shen Dongyu, stressing all types of unhappiness about Shen Dongyu.

Chen Jingchuan was fine listening to other things, thinking all childish people were like that, being weirdly stubborn. It wasn’t until Li Muxu inattentively mentioned Shen Dongyu smoking in the car that he raised his head and took a look at Li Muxu.

“Smoking,” Chen Jingchuan asked in confusion, having a little disbelief in his heart because he never saw cigarette cases nor the ashes at home.

“Yeah,” Li Muxu vowed with a lot of confidence: “An hour ago, in the seat you sit, he smoked two cigarettes.” Li Muxu stuck out his two fingers as he said it, as if he were afraid that Chen Jingchuan couldn’t hear.

“Really?” Chen Jingchuan still couldn’t believe it, even if Li Muxu saw it with his own eyes, he was still doubtful in his heart, hesitantly comparing it with the usual Shen Dongyu that he knew.

“To hell with it then, if you want to believe it or not.” Li Muxu got extremely angry about Shen Dongyu, with some seriousness that an adult should not have in his tone and attitude. Even now, he still had a feeling of discomfort that couldn’t be effectively communicated.

In fact, Chen Jingchuan ignored Shen Dongyu’s mistake for a bit. He refuted unhappily after hearing what Li Muxu said: “Believe what? He is that old, and he can’t smoke? Weren’t you also an energetic, untraditional youngster when you were in middle school?”

Li Muxu muttered a few insults, but Chen Jingchuan didn’t care, as he lowered his head still to look at his laptop screen. In his mind, however, he was planning to ask Shen Dongyu about that.

After they arrived at the rented apartment, Li Muxu stopped him when Chen Jingchuan just stepped on one of his feet on the ground. Perhaps it was because of what just happened that made him have some intention to refute; he said purposefully, “You are just finding trouble for yourself.”

“What’s your problem?”. Chen Jingchuan said, “Don’t be so judgmental about a child, you aren’t that young anymore.” He then slammed the car door shut.

But who would have thought of that, when Chen Jingchuan was just about to turn away, Li Muxu rolled down the car window and said, “Just wait for it.”

Chen Jingchuan ignored him and went upstairs quickly.

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When he entered the room, the computer screen in the living room was still turned on, playing Roman Holiday acted by Audrey Hepburn.

But the one watching the movie fell asleep, hanging one of his arms in the air, curling up his legs, and muttering occasionally. It was quite obvious that he wasn’t having a good sleep.

The lighting changed as the movie scenery changed in the room, causing the darkness and brightness in the room to keep changing both in front and in the corner of one’s eye, making Chen Jingchuan a little dazzled.

Shen Dongyu woke up quickly after. He was scared for a second when he saw someone around the couch, and he immediately realized that the person in front of him wasn’t a stranger.

“You’re back.” Shen Dongyu sat up from the couch in discomfort. The blanket covered up to his chest. He leaned his arms on his curled-up knees, and he raised his head to look at Chen Jingchuan.

Chen Jingchuan stared at Shen Donyu in drowsiness for a few more seconds. The shadow of the figure approaching him flashed past his face. He put the laptop on the desk, sat next to Shen Dongyu’s legs, naturally reached out to touch his forehead, and said after a moment, “Still a little hot; go to sleep after taking medicine in a while.”

“I already took it,” Shen Dongyu said softly, moving his head away in confusion and focusing his sight on Princess Anne.

“En, go to sleep in your room, the living room is still a little cold.” Chen Jingchuan said to him.

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“Okay.” Shen Dongyu was very obedient to Chen Jingchuan, no matter if his words were good or bad, intentional or unintentional.

In the room, other than the English that had a slightly old accent, there was also some nervousness, passion, and confusion left.

Shen Dongyu removed the blanket, first putting his feet on the floor. Because he was bending to put his shoes on, the necklace was revealed from his thin pajamas. Chen Jingchuan, after seeing it, asked suddenly, “When did you buy the necklace?”

“A few days ago,” Shen Dongyu said.

“It’s pretty,” Chen Jingchuan commented.

“En,” the corner of Shen Dongyu’s mouth raised indistinctly.

Even though Chen Jingchuan never received the gift, Shen Dongyu thought that saying it was pretty was a type of approval, which still made him satisfied. After all, Shen Dongyu was willing to listen and believe anything Chen Jingchuan said.

“Shen Dongyu, just a single praise from me makes you so happy?” Chen Jingchuan smiled and looked directly into Shen Dongyu’s eyes, trying to find something by looking at his direct gaze, but he gave up again. “Let’s go to sleep.”

Shen Dongyu nodded awkwardly, feeling that the way Chen Jingchuan looked at him today was a little different, profound yet unfamiliar.

Shen Dongyu couldn’t fall asleep at night. From start to finish, he couldn’t get a sense of reality, so he had to get up secretly to take medicine. However, he didn’t turn on the lights for fear of waking up Chen Jingchuan, though the noise he made while searching through his stuff still woke up Chen Jingchuan.

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Chen Jingchuan gently took the box of sleeping pills from his hand. It was after a few questions that Shen Dongyu admitted that he was afraid, but didn’t know what he was afraid of.

Chen Jingchuan sighed dejectedly, secretly cursing himself for actually believing the improvements that Shen Dongyu had told him previously. He stopped Shen Dongyu’s thoughts in time and slept with him in his arms all night, trying to dispel Shen Dongyu’s feelings of insecurity.

Chen Jingchuan stayed with Shen Dongyu for a week as compensation. During the week, they went to see a photography exhibition at an art center that they had no desire to see and never would have walked into in Bangkok. They also visited Baita Park, drank tea on a hill on South Zhongshan Road, and talked as they watched the old men and women play mahjong in Hangzhou dialect.

It was an accidental moment of carelessness. On the way to the Drum Tower, a leaf fell on Shen Dongyu’s hair. Chen Jingchuan reached out to take it, but met Shen Dongyu’s eyes as he suddenly turned around.

A vacant gaze. But it was filled with Chen Jingchuan and the wutong trees that covered up the skies.

Chen Jingchuan’s expression didn’t change. He covered Shen Dongyu’s eyes with the hand holding the leaf. Shen Dongyu didn’t understand why, so he quickly moved his hand away. His gaze, which was heavy with emotions, became confused, yet Chen Jingchuan only said a simple sentence of “let’s go.”

 

During the Chinese New Year holiday, Shen Dongyu returned to Shanghai. Shen Shuran was surprisingly not busy for once, as she arranged for all her work to take place in Shanghai. So, Yu Nuan’s idea of wanting them to spend the New Year in Hangzhou was naturally rejected. Just like the previous years, they then celebrated the New Year with Jiang Yuan’s family.

But just a few days ago, Lin You suddenly called and wanted to invite him to have a meal together in Jing’an.

Lin You hadn’t seen Shen Dongyu in more than a year, but she would occasionally contact Shen Dongyu to chat about daily gossip. When they met at the door of the Japanese food store that day, Lin You was a little surprised.

Because Shen Dongyu had kept his hair at a medium-long length, the ends of his hair were carefully designed to be slightly curled and rest on the neckline of the sweater, looking very gentle and comfortable.

Shen Dongyu and Lin You had a great time chatting. From the sleepy summer afternoons to the topic of their respective lives, there would always be so many changes and regrets.

They drank some wine and only left after eleven o’clock. They didn’t walk towards their respective places of residence, but instead walked side by side on a busy road in Shanghai during this late winter.

His nose and cheeks were red, and because he was drunk, Shen Dongyu smiled more freely and cheerfully than usual. Maybe even Chen Jinghuan, whom he liked, had never seen this side of him before.

Lin You told him that she would get married next year after graduation and hoped that Shen Dongyu would be able to attend.

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Shen Dongyu nodded and said yes, but didn’t ask who the groom was because he was smart enough to see the loneliness in Lin You’s eyes. Probably because they were companions during their youth, they understood some of the emotions in each other’s eyes. Shen Dongyu and Lin You stood on the side of the road, waiting for the traffic lights, and hugged silently.

It was for comfort, and also for farewell.

In a bustling and crowded neighborhood, Shen Dongyu leaned against the fence and stroked back the hair in front of his eyes, but the wind soon blew it into his face again from behind.

They chatted endlessly, from the past to the future, from fantasy to reality. In those eyes that once held such penetrating clarity, even unrealistic words could be so filled with hope.

Who hadn’t thought arrogantly that when they grow up, they’ll make a lot of money and love someone for the rest of their lives? Who would’ve thought that money was so hard to make, and that, from the beginning, love was so difficult to obtain?

This was what Lin You told him.

After listening to the story that Lin You took the initiative to tell, Shen Dongyu smiled bitterly with red eyes. He said to Lin You, “It would be nice if I could still marry you.”

If Lin You had told Shen Dongyu that she liked him earlier, would the present be different?

Ever since she was young, she couldn’t understand why she liked the boy who was afraid of the dark in the instructional building, couldn’t understand why she liked Shen Dongyu who didn’t use social media. When she figured it out, Lin You had already given up on looking for the answer to this question.

Lin You crossed her arms, looked down at her toes, and smiled brightly: “But you don’t love me.”

“Yeah.” Shen Dongyu said, “Look, this is the power of not loving.”

They both drank a lot, and every word they said sounded like something was blocking their ears as they swayed and foolishly laughed.

As they were chatting like that, Shen Dongyu’s phone rang, temporarily cutting off their conversation. It was Chen Jingchuan’s call.

“En?” The moment Shen Dongyu heard the phone, he realized that he didn’t have much energy to chat with Chen Jingchuan, but never had the thought of ending the call early. “What is it?”

“Look to your left.”

The person on the phone was direct, wasting no time.

Shen Dongyu reacted slowly as usual. Saying “oh” and looking to his left obediently, his dull and confused eyes scanned through the crowd to the door of a store and saw someone, like him, holding a phone.

Chen Jingchuan waved at him, and Shen Dongyu saw it and asked, “Why are you here?”

“Class reunion.” Chen Jingchuan said, “You?”

“Me too.” Shen Dongyu said a little humorously, feeling that it was such a coincidence.

“Oh?” Chen Jingchuan was suspicious for a moment, but his focus wasn’t on Lin You. He asked again, “Have you been drinking again?”

“Ya, how did you know?” Shen Dongyu stupidly asked.

“Why don’t you guess?” Chen Jingchuan teased him while greeting the classmates behind him, and then walked towards Chen Dongyu.

Shen Dongyu suddenly looked up and saw the gray night sky. He felt a little bored, so he said the uninteresting truth: “I don’t know.”

When Chen Jingchuan came over, he shook Lin You’s hand politely, and then brought down Shen Dongyu’s hand that still held the phone and said reproachfully, “Didn’t I tell you not to drink?”

Shen Dongyu pouted, stretched out his hand, and pushed Chen Jingchuan more boldly than ever before. “Don’t you drink too? So what are you bothering me for?”

Chen Jingchuan staggered back a step and stared at Shen Dongyu’s drunken face. His clean brows wrinkled inconspicuously along the lines. Not continuing to argue with Shen Dongyu, he raised his hand and stroked the hair beside his ears before pulling him into his arms, and then seriously bidding goodbye to Lin You.

Chen Jingchuan sent a message to the class group, explaining the reason for leaving early, then didn’t bother with anyone’s calls or messages again.

 

TL: Sorry about this delayed update. School started recently so I’ve been occupied. I don’t know if I can keep updating on a consistent schedule like before, but I’ll still do what I can to update once a week. Thanks for reading ^^