Heartbeat of Innocence

Chapter 17

It snowed on Christmas Day. Shen Donyu put the gift for Chen Jingchuan, which was the handcrafted necklace, on his own neck, no longer having intentions of giving it to Chen Jingchuan.

He took a shower back home and opened up the blinds. The moon in the sky was bigger and rounder than usual. He laid on his side, sniffing in the pillow, and started to space out, looking outside of the window.

Shen Dongyu then had an unpleasant weekend. He got a fever again. The torture of the headache made him cry many times, and he then fell back to sleep under the effect of the medicine.

In the room without light, the day mixed with the night helplessly. There was no way to go back; just take one more sertraline and continue in the abysmal degeneration without even a dream.

The third day after waking up, Shen Dongyu felt more awake. He got up to find the phone he left at the corner, charged it, and opened the contact after some continuous vibrations. He saw many missed calls, which also included calls from Chen Jingchuan, but he only called back a few very important ones and called off from his classes again.

The feeling of suppression and annoyance in his heart was rather more of a physical reaction. Shen Dongyu was in his pajamas, opening the long, closed blinds that were good at blocking the light. It wasn’t until he stood on the veranda that he realized that Hangzhou was covered in snow.

Looking at this snow, it seemed like it snowed for three to four days, which also meant that he was in a coma for those many days. This realization scared him in hindsight. Overall, the fear was that on such a cold day, even if he died, no one would notice.

The wind was strong, but Shen Dongyu stood on the veranda as if he could not feel anything. The dream he had for these few days started to appear in his mind. Every second of it was related to Chen Jingchuan.

Realistic or not, it was all about what he desired about him and what actually happened.

He liked the Chen Jingchuan in his dream who read French next to the window in the corridor, the Chen Jingchuan who played basketball in real life, the Chen Jingchuan who looked handsome on a motorcycle, the Chen Jincguan who kissed his girlfriend in the unfinished classroom, who held his hand in Khao Yai National Park in Bangkok, who saved Shen Dongyu back to life, who slept with him, who used to be his neighbor who did not know how he felt, who failed to keep the plan with him at Christmas and was so many years older.

His eye shifted focus from further to closer. When his attention came back to the present, he started to feel cold and coughed.

He missed Chen Jingchuan so much that these thoughts gave him an urge to go to Beijing immediately.

Shen Dongyu was not afraid of such crazy thoughts of his own. He took out his luggage bag that was covered in dust from the bottom of his bed, cleaned it, and started to pack up his clothes and personal hygiene products.

The snow was heavy outside. He moved slowly downstairs, dragging his luggage.

He tried to call a taxi on the app, but perhaps it was the snow; no one accepted the trip, while there was one stopping downstairs. Shen Dongyu waved at it. The rear doors open quickly after as well. Chen Jingchuan then got out of the car suddenly.

Chen Jingchuan never thought that Shen Dongyu would be downstairs, dragging his luggage without an umbrella.

Chen Jingchuan quickly approached. His tone was unpleasant. “Where are you going?”

Shen Dongyu thought it was his own illusion. He closed his eyes, hoping for it to go away, and answered honestly, “Going to find you in Beijing.”

Chen Jingchuan sighed, not knowing how to scold the way that Shen Dongyu was mischievous, and suppressed some of his anger, saying, “I’m here already.”

Chen Jingchuan took Shen Dongyu’s luggage, stopped him, and went back upstairs.

The room was full of Shen Dongyu’s smell. Shen Dongyu stopped him when Chen Jingchuan was about to turn on the light. “Don’t turn on the light, it was too bright.”

“What a weird habit.” Chen Jingchuan said that, but still didn’t end up turning on the light. He put the luggage next to the table, sat down, and poured himself a cup of water. “You didn’t go to class these few days?”

“En,” Shen Dongyu nodded, “I was sick.”

“Because I didn’t spend Christmas with you?” Chen Jingchuan asked based on his own thoughts.

“No.” Shen Dongyu didn’t want to admit it. His heart was beating fast, not sure whether it was the sickness or the anxiety that Chen Jingchuan found out the real reason.

“No? Then why the hell would you head for Beijing?” Chen Jingchuan frowned, and his pent-up anger was slowly let out: “You won’t answer the phone, you won’t go to school, even if you die in this room no one will know!”

Shen Dongyu stood by the door as if he were a middle schooler being scolded by his parents, not daring to approach Chen Jingchuan.

Chen Jingchuan pinched between his eyebrows as if he were very tired, then raised his head and saw the suitcase that almost boarded a plane. After pondering for a few seconds, his tone didn’t sound as cold as before. “Did you eat?”

“No.” Shen Dongyu said with his head lowered, his voice trembling a little due to the gradually souring nasal cavity.

“How about we eat something first and then go to the hospital?” Chen Jingchuan and Shen Dongyu discussed.

Shen Dongyu was actually very uncomfortable. His throat felt stiff and uncomfortable as soon as he opened his mouth, and his feet were in the air. He wanted to lie on the bed. Together with Chen Jingchuan.

“I don’t wanna go.” Shen Dongyu looked at Chen Jingchuan with tears in his eyes.

“Then tell me, what you want to do.” With Chen Jingchuan’s back to the light, Shen Dongyu couldn’t see his face, but only heard his voice. He moved slightly towards the light leaking out from between the curtains, and still only saw Chen Jingchuan’s blurry silhouette.

Shen Dongyu shook his head, honestly expressing his inner confusion: “I don’t know.”

“Don’t want to go, don’t know what to do.” Chen Jingchuan repeated his words, then spoke through gritted teeth, “How old are you now? The state of your own body, whether or not you need to go to the hospital, are those things that I still need to teach you about?”

“I just don’t want to go.” Shen Dongyu said stubbornly. The tears in his eyes filled up even more, but he refused to shed them.

“Fine.” Chen Jingchuan nodded helplessly, took out his phone from the pockets of the suit trousers that he had yet to change out of, opened Shen Shuran’s contact page, and held it up for the person at the door to see. Suddenly looking like he didn’t want to care about anything related to Shen Dongyu, he said calmly, “If you really don’t want to go, and don’t know what you should be doing, then just let Shuran jie accompany you. I don’t have that time for you to waste.”

“No way!” Shen Dongyu finally took a step away from the door and rushed to Chen Jingchuan, trying to grab his phone but failing.

“You tell me what the hell you want.” Chen Jingchuan had him make the decision.

Chen Jingchuan then took the initiative to move away from him. Shen Dongyu couldn’t bear such alienating actions. He was so anxious that tears kept flowing. He used the back of his hand to wipe some away, but just refused to speak.

“Have Shuran jie come over, or have me accompany you to the hospital.” Chen Jingchuan gave him two choices.

Shen Dongyu held on tightly to his own cuffs, and only after many minutes did he answer with a reply that satisfied Chen Jingchuan: “I’ll go to the hospital, I want you to come with me.”

It was Li Muxu who took Chen Jingchuan and Shen Dongyu to the hospital. Today, Chen Jingchuan rushed to Hangzhou from an investment fair in Beijing. When his assistant was about to turn off his phone, Shen Shuran’s phone number popped up.

Shen Shuran anxiously told him that Shen Dongyu hadn’t been to school for a week, and no one had seen him after he took a half day off for Christmas. The school also called the police in time, but when the police knocked on his door, Shen Dongyu was fine with nothing going on. He then also called the school, and there wasn’t any movement from him again.

Chen Jingchuan guessed that it might be the result of him missing the appointment on Christmas Day, so he left everyone else behind and bought a plane ticket to Hangzhou the same day. But now his assistant has urged him to return.

“You’re still going to leave?” Shen Dongyu sat in the seat, waiting for the nurse to administer the injection, when he heard the conversation between Chen Jingchuan and Li Muxu.

“He still has things that are being delayed in Beijing.” Li Muxu took the lead in explaining for Chen Jingchuan, deliberately observing what expression Shen Dongyu would express next.

Shen Dongyu wanted to yell at Chen Jingchuan that he had lied to him again, but he knew that he should be sensible at this time, or at least pretend to be, in front of Li Muxu.

“Let Muxu accompany you for the IV drip.” Chen Jingchuan put his hand on Shen Dongyu’s shoulder to comfort him. “I should be able to get to Hangzhou in the early morning. How many keys to your house do you still have?”

“One.” Shen Dongyu answered.

“Give me yours first, I lost mine.” Chen Jingchuan said.

Shen Dongyu obediently took out the keys strung together with a pink pony pendant out of his pocket, slowly took out one, and handed it to Chen Jingchuan, aggrievedly saying, “Don’t lose it again. I can’t get home otherwise.”

“I won’t.” Chen Jingchuan said, “Did you bring your phone?”

“No.”

“I’ll call the landlord later so he can open the door for you.”

“Okay.”

“Send me a message when you get home.”

After Chen Jingchuan said that, he hurriedly left. The only sound left in the silent department was the sound of nurses knocking open glass bottles.

Li Muxu and Shen Dongyu never had much to say to each other, not to mention they hadn’t seen each other very often over the years. They only occasionally heard a word or two from Chen Jingchuan’s mouth.

The two politely talked for a bit, and then nothing more was said.

It was almost one when Shen Dongyu finished the IV drip injection. The nurse helped him pull it out, and immediately he asked for Li Muxu’s phone so he could call Chen Jingchuan.

Li Muxu leaned sleepily on the chair in the corridor, not caring about how many calls Shen Dongyu made, only vaguely hearing him cry.

The call was answered by Chen Jingchuan’s assistant, who responded politely to his long-winded questions. Shen Dongyu wanted to get angry with the assistant, but he was afraid that Chen Jingchuan would think of him as insensible afterwards, so he said thank you insincerely.

Shen Dongyu, at night, ignored the feeling of icy coldness on his face as he left the hospital with Li Muxu, heading straight for the rental house.

He leaned against the window of the passenger seat, staring blankly at the view outside. As if he had been isolated from the world for a long time, he didn’t know if there was a gym here before or not, and he didn’t know that the bus 305 he used to take had changed routes.

The sudden, tremendous sorrow made him extremely tired. This kind of mood dragged him down, making him fall deeper and deeper in. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t climb back up.

“Can I smoke?” Shen Dongyu informed Li Muxu without looking back at him, and took out the cigarette case hidden in his pocket.

Li Muxu drove the car intently as he looked at the road in front, unable to realize what Shen Dongyu had just said.

Shen Dongyu rolled the window all the way down, and the cigarette ashes were quickly blown away by the wind. He only took a few puffs, and then it burned to the end.

“You’re already smoking at your age?” Li Muxu didn’t understand. He originally just thought that he had a bad temper and that he smoked in high school because he was rebellious. He didn’t expect that his behavior was still so unbelievable.

“What about it?” Shen Dongyu asked expressionlessly and continued to smoke, as if silently telling him that he didn’t take his words seriously.

Li Muxu didn’t know how to answer this sentence for a moment. Perhaps he was made to be like everyone else to fit in with society as he grew from teenager to adult, but Li Muxu still couldn’t change his old, traditional beliefs. Having nothing to say, he shut his lips tightly. Seeing that they were arriving at their destination, he vented his unhappiness: “Aren’t you afraid that I’ll tell Jingchuan?”

“Then tell him.” Shen Dongyu blinked his long eyelashes and said casually.

Shen Dongyu finally got out of the car under Li Muxu’s displeased gaze.

“You really are crazy.” Li Muxu suddenly said.

Shen Dongyu turned around, said a hypocritical thank you to him, then bent down to look at Li Muxu, smiling as he asked, “Wanna bring me to see a doctor then?”

Li Muxu was speechless, frowning and staring as Shen Dongyu left.