Heartbeat of Innocence

Chapter 16

Shen Dongyu fell asleep during class, and when the teacher took his temperature, he thought about how the words that came out of Chen Jingchuan’s mouth about him could be so unlucky.

“Don’t eat seafood or meat for these couple days.” The campus doctor adjusted the dropper, cleaned up the medical supplies on the table, and then instructed.

Shen Dongyu didn’t have much strength, so he nodded weakly. Then he thought of something, asking, “Can I still take antidepressants?”

“Try to stop for a few days.” The doctor thought for a few seconds, then said.

“Okay.” Shen Dongyu replied.

Shen Dongyu had low immunity, he had to get an IV drip for a whole week before fully recovering.

The morning that Chen Jingchuan left Hangzhou, Shen Dongyu woke up from his sleep and leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, staring blankly at the person who was shaving in front of the mirror.

“You woke up so early; go back and sleep some more.” Chen Jingchuan said.

Chen Jingchuan’s morning voice was a little nasal. Shen Dongyu was afraid that he would also catch a cold, so he turned around to get the air conditioner remote and turned up the temperature.

“I’m not sleepy.” Shen Dongyu then walked back towards Chen Jingchuan, looking at his every move.

“How are you feeling today? Does your head still hurt?” Chen Jingchuan didn’t look away from himself in the mirror, carefully shaving off the mustache on his chin.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Shen Dongyu’s head only felt a little dizzy, but he didn’t say it. He asked again, “When is your flight?”

“8:41.” Chen Jingchuan said.

“Can’t you not go?” Shen Dongyu closed his eyes tiredly and spoke weakly.

Chen Jingchuan turned off the razor, and the only sound in the room stopped. It was so quiet that the sounds of people walking outside the building could be heard. Chen Jingchuan looked back at him, smiled, then reached out a hand to hold his arm and pulled Shen Dongyu into his own embrace, hugging him, saying, “I’ll come back again next month, then we can celebrate Christmas together.”

Shen Dongyu slightly withdrew from the crook of his arm, not actually enjoying his consoling all that much, only wanting for him to stay with himself for a bit more. But he couldn’t say it, so he obediently agreed: “Okay.”

“Put on your clothes.” Chen Jingchuan came out from the bathroom, picked up the black down jacket on the sofa, and directed Shen Dongyu, “Come eat with me downstairs.”

Shen Dongyu admired the way he was always so quick and straightforward. After a while, he just went to do what Chen Jingchuan told him.

Breakfast was quickly finished. Chen Jingchuan accompanied Shen Dongyu to finish the porridge before going to the underground garage for the car and driving him to school, then driving back to the company and letting the driver send him to the airport.

On Christmas Eve, it snowed in Hangzhou. His studies in his junior year of college gradually progressed on the right track, but he still didn’t pay too much attention to it, feeling sleepy every day.

Chen Jingchuan said he couldn’t always stay like this, but every time they discussed the future, Shen Dongyu became very irritable, throwing tantrums at Chen Jingchuan like a harmless little lion.

This seemed very unnecessary for Chen Jingchuan. Shen Dongyu would question loudly that if he thought that badly of him, why would he still have so much patience taking care of him. Everytime he said that, Chen Jingchuan would then not say anything anymore, leaving Shen Dongyu in the living room with a view of his back while he went back to work and let Shen Dongyu self reflect upon his behavior.

Shen Dongyu was willing to reflect. He would come close to Chen Jingchuan, pinch the side of his pants, tell Chen Jingchuan not to be mad at him, and softly apologize.

But when Chen Jingchuan was not in Hangzhou, Shen Dongyu would take sleeping pills to fall asleep every day. When he was extremely uncomfortable, he would just smoke, drink, and call Shen Shuran.

So every month, he would hope that Chen Jingchuan had another business trip, so that he could come over and be with him for more days and secretly look at him. No matter how much Chen Jingchuan did not understand his logic, he always liked to argue with Chen Jingchuan to get the feeling that Chen Jingchuan still cared about him.

But that Christmas, Chen Jingchuan didn’t come to visit Shen Dongyu as planned.

Shen Dongyu called off school with his instructors and left without having lunch. He first took the bus to the lakeside of Xi Hu. There was a handcrafted ornament shop around that could make any customized ornament.

Shen Dongyu planned to make a necklace for Chen Jingchuan. The store owner said it could be finished within two hours. He took a look at the time and said okay, listening to the owner talk about the details that went into making it.

After letting the owner put the necklace into a gift box, he paid and quickly left. Shen Dongyu went to Chen Jingchuan’s company, wanting to wait in his company and meet him as soon as possible instead of waiting in school because that would make Shen Dongyu anxious.

It was just about time for most company workers to clock out. Shen Dongyu didn’t go to Chen Jingchuan’s company often, so he couldn’t remember which floor he was on. He had to ask the front office, and he pressed the button to go to the 9th floor.

Before entering Chen Jingchuan’s office, some people would stare at him in the hallway, seeming to wonder who Shen Dongyu was. He had to quickly tell people that he was here for Chen Jingchuan.

When he entered Chen Jingchuan’s office, Shen Dongyu felt like he was isolated from the rest of the world. It felt quiet and ambiguous.

On the desk, other than file organizers and decor, there was also a book and a black pen.

The floor-to-ceiling window fully showed the view of the city. The room became dimmer as the sun set because the light wasn’t turned on.

Shen Dongyu walked to Chen Jingchuan’s seat, moved the pen, and saw the full name of the book.

It was The Lover by Marguerite Duras.

The pendulum on the wall swung back and forth, making ticking noises. Until it became 6:15, the time that Chen Jingchuan should have come as planned, but he was still not there.

Shen Dongyu didn’t mind the small delay. He flipped among the pages and saw the bookmark in between. It was very minimalistic. There was nothing on the front, and only the production company on the back.

Shen Dongyu sat at the desk, holding the book in his arm. He opened his contact list on his phone and called Chen Jingchuan.

“Why aren’t you here yet?” Shen Dongyu looked at the night sky in the winter, which became pale as the streetlights in the city shined upon it, as he was waiting for the response.

“I’m still in Beijing, I couldn’t go to Hangzhou today.” Chen Jingchuan responded concisely, searching among his files that needed to be processed.

“Oh,” Shen Dongyu lowered his head, saw the page the bookmark was on, and glanced at one of the sentences in the passage.

“Don’t be unhappy,” Chen Jingchuan said.

“I’m not,” Shen Dongyu forced a smile, wanting to show Chen Jingchuan that he was fine, and said, “I thought that was it.”

“I thought you’d be mad and argue with me again.” Chen Jingchuan suddenly thought of the time Shen Dongyue argued with him and joked.

“Of course I wouldn’t.” Shen Dongyu, after hearing this playful sentence, not only felt tense but also even more uncomfortable. He asked, “When will you be back?”

“I’ll come back when I have time in the future” . Chen Jingchuan laid his phone on the desk and opened up the speaker, responding inadvertently. He actually never thought what happened today was a big deal, unconsciously thinking that there would be many Christmases after this.

But Shen Dongyu realized the actual meaning of this response, pestering: “But when in the future? Tomorrow? The day after? Or two days later?”

“Why does this sound like some kindergarten question?” After Chen Jingchuan laughed about it, his department manager came to him. He responded quickly, “I… will let you know ahead of time.”

The call was hung up. Shen Dongyu lowered his hand. The screen dimmed down, leaving him blankly staring at the floors in the buildings that hadn’t yet the lights shut off after work.

Shen Dongyu’s shadow cast upon the pages. After a while, he tenderly raised the book near his lips and gently kissed it.

The kiss touched on the sentence in the book The Lover that said, “I love you so deeply and helplessly.”

TL: surprise bonus update ^^ we’re getting closer to the endgame