Heartbeat of Innocence

Advertisement

The heavy snow spread throughout the country, as Shen Dongyu went back home from the airport by car. On the road, he received Shen Shuran’s call, saying that she was currently working in Guangdong and wanted Shen Dongyu to spend the New Year in Guangdong with her this year. Just like this, she told Shen Dongyu her plan.

He didn’t have any objections at first. Because he was just that kind of person, when others made decisions, he just needed to obediently agree. It was just that at the end of Shen Shuran’s words, he asked an extra question about how Jiang Yuan auntie’s family spent the New Year.

Someone from Shen Shuran’s side kept interrupting their conversation, so Shen Shuran also hurriedly answered Shen Dongyu.

Jiang Yuan and Chen Lu would go to Beijing to celebrate the New Year with Chen Jingchuan.

When he heard about going to Guangdong for New Year’s, Shen Dongyu actually didn’t really want to agree, because he had already thought that he’d get to spend the New Year with Jiang Yuan auntie’s family.

Only, things didn’t go the way he wanted.

All the cheers and noises were locked by Shen Dongyu outside the house that could see a corner of Shanghai, passing the year with indifference and taciturnity.

Shen Dongyu, using the New Year as an opportunity, called Chen Jingchuan, who was far away in Beijing, for the whole night.

Chen Jingchuan started to focus more on his studies, working on projects with his classmates. His schedule was full every day, and he spent his occasional free time with Shen Dongyu.

Shen Dongyu drank a lot of wine at Shen Shuran’s company’s annual meeting. After Shen Shuran’s driver sent him home, he laid on the carpet in the living room with the lights off, looking through the list of contacts on his phone for those who could give him words of safety and comfort.

The call went through. Chen Jingchuan’s side was very noisy, seemingly like he was on some street in Beijing.

“Dongyu?” Chen Jingchuan stopped, and said in a volume that Shen Dongyu could hear, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Advertisement

Shen Dongyu held the phone and curled up on his side in a fetal position. He let out a muffled “en”, saying, “Where are you?”

“I just finished eating at Sanlitun1According to Google, “Sanlitun is known for its fashionable dining and nightlife scene. Upscale Chinese restaurants serve crispy roast duck, global bistros and pastry cafes offer European fare, and tiny shops sell noodles and stewed pork buns to revelers spilling out of the area’s karaoke bars, cocktail lounges and raucous dance clubs.”, so I’m about to pick up the car and go home.” Chen Jingchuan answered him.

“Go home?” Shen Dongyu opened his closed eyes and hurriedly asked, “Back to Shanghai?”

“Nope.” Chen Jingchuan laughed a few times, explaining, “How can I drive back to Shanghai? I’m going back to my house in Beijing.”

“You have a home in Beijing too?” Shen Dongyu’s cold still hadn’t recovered, so his voice sounded hoarse and weak. The question was also foolish.

“En, ya.” Chen Jingchuan said.

Shen Dongyu gave a disappointed “oh” and started worrying about those unrealistic things, then asked, “Then will you go back to Shanghai in the future?”

“Ya I will.” Chen Jingchuan reached the parking lot, avoided the crowd’s noisiness, and his voice also became clearer. “Why ask this kind of thing?”

Advertisement

“Because you seem to like Beijing a lot.” Shen Dongyu said.

“I do like it.” Chen Jingchuan joined Shen Dongyu in being childish: “But Shanghai is my actual home.”

“Then when are you coming back?” Shen Dongyu felt cold all over and curled up some more. The lights outside the window slowly fogged up, and fell from the corner of his eyes onto the plush carpet.

“During break.” Chen Jingchuan started the car, put his phone into hands-free mode, and left it on the passenger seat before realizing something was wrong with Shen Dongyu: “What’s up with you today? What about Shuran jie?”

“I’m fine.” Shen Dongyu took a deep breath and said in a somewhat aggrieved tone, “I just don’t want to celebrate the New Year, I’m always alone during it…”

The depression started to build up in his heart as he spoke this sentence, making his eyes quietly pour out the tears that were lightly salty.

“Dongyu.” Chen Jingchuan picked up the phone again and put it next to his ear, calling his name again. “I’m also alone. My parents just left, they didn’t accompany me for the New Year either.”

After Chen Jingchuan said this sentence, he worried that Shen Dongyu would feel sorry for him, so he comforted, “Aren’t you accompanying me right now? So this doesn’t count as being alone.”

Chen Jingchuan stepped on the brake, stopped in line, and waited for the traffic lights. The crosswalk signal ahead lit up orderly, and the pedestrians who waited on either side, along with the electric scooters, swarmed in and left in a race against time.

Shen Dongyu quietly listened to Chen Jingchuan’s breathing, which was different from his own, yet steady, along with the whistles and noises of the city he was in.

Advertisement

The seasons switched one after another. The autumn for Shen Dongyu’s graduation finally arrived at this house. Shen Dongyu tested into a university in Hangzhou, so he left Shanghai again by himself.

He never came back to his home in Hangzhou. Instead, he rented a small apartment to live in hiding from Yu Nuan and Shen Jiaying, unwilling to contact them.

Shen Shuran’s business expanded into many fields, and she may not have time to worry about Shen Dongyu after work, occasionally meeting him in the psychological counseling room in Beijing, or on some path in school, hurriedly talking about their recent lives.

Shen Dongyu had gotten used to this kind of life, but in the end he still chose to live where he had lived before; at least there were familiar streets and food. Even if it was Shanghai, he had only gone out with Chen Jingchuan, so he can’t say he was familiar with the city when he didn’t even know where Jinshan Beach was.

And Chen Jingchuan also hoped for success in his own work and would visit Shen Dongyu when he had free time. The throbbing that he had when he was young was buried by work, but he also gradually learned how to take care of a patient.

It snowed heavily in Hangzhou during the winter. Shen Dongyu got off the bus and walked in the direction of the rental house. His footprints were lightly left on the snow-covered road, all the way to the door of his house.

Shen Dongyu didn’t hold an umbrella, and played a song in his ears on loop until he got tired of it. His mood became extremely calm, and he stood inexplicably under the streetlamp, raising his face to feel the falling of icy snowflakes.

His recent condition wasn’t good. The doctor advised him to be hospitalized, but he rejected the plan. The doctor also asked him to find alternative treatment methods and to communicate more frequently with his family.

Everything the doctor said was empty words. The patient won’t communicate with other people; he could only rely on himself, so of course the effect wasn’t obvious. Day after day, Shen Dongyu also made these into unfeeling habits and once again learned them.

It was more spacious than the building in Shanghai; the corridor could fit three people, and the lights were also very bright. Even if it broke, the landlord would very quickly find someone to fix it.

But even in such a convenient place, Shen Dongyu still couldn’t remember any of its good features. It was always when he wasn’t fully conscious that he would still remember Chen Jingchuan reading French at the end of the corridor and then call him, asking if the light in the old house in Shanghai broke or not, and whether he went back to fix it.

Every time, Chen Jingchuan didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. Asking him about it for so long, he didn’t know where this persistence came from.

Yet it was something that only Shen Dongyu knew—why he was so persistent.

When the lights broke for the first time, Chen Jingchuan chose to accompany his girlfriend. He thought that he wasn’t objective and sensible enough to look at this issue, so he hid it in his heart and could only continue to drink and talk about his unhappiness.

When Shen Dongyu was having his random thoughts, Chen Jingchuan sat on a neighbor’s chair with a laptop placed on his crossed legs. When he turned around and saw Shen Dongyu, his hands that were typing stopped, his voice a little hoarse, in a low volume: “You’re back.”

Advertisement

The voice-activated lights went out, and Shen Dongyu was submerged in the darkness. The light from the laptop illuminated Chen Jingchuan’s face. It wasn’t clear, but somewhat hazy and unreal.

They haven’t seen each other in a long time.

“Here on a business trip?” Shen Dongyu took out the keys in his pocket, opened the door, and asked after letting Chen Jingchuan in.

“En.” Chen Jingchuan found the switch in the room with ease, and the room immediately lit up. He sat on a corner of the sofa and started typing on the laptop again. “For two days. I’m leaving the morning after tomorrow.”

“You just arrived today?” Shen Dongyu took out a bottle of milk from under the coffee table and handed it to him.

At first, Chen Jingchuan didn’t know what Shen Dongyu handed over was milk, so he habitually opened the can then gave Shen Dongyu a look.

“You know I don’t drink those.” Shen Dongyu shrugged a little funnily.

“Fine, having milk is good too. I’m thirsty anyway.” Chen Jingchuan compromised and drank the milk, then answered Shen Dongyu’s question from just now. “I just arrived this afternoon. Had a meeting all day.”

“Oh.” Shen Dongyu nodded. Seeing that he was busy with work and didn’t want to disturb him anymore, he took a towel and went into the bathroom.

The area Chen Jingchuan was responsible for was Hangzhou, and he often flew from Beijing to Hangzhou. He occasionally met up with Shen Dongyu, staying in the small house he rented, and accompany him at the same time.

Shen Shuran was busier than him, so she would also frequently call Chen Jingchuan to tell him to visit Shen Dongyu more.

The snow fell heavier late at night. Chen Jingchuan finally finished the preparations for work tomorrow. He closed the laptop, and got up to go to the bathroom.

The room Shen Dongyu rented only had a single bedroom, and the bed already occupied half the space. Fortunately, there was enough room for two people to lie down. He quietly got on the bed, sleeping on a pillow that was a few centimeters away from the back of Shen Dongyu’s head.

“Asleep?” Chen Jingchuan asked.

“No.” Shen Dongyu said. He closed his eyes, feeling the tension and oppression brought on by the man behind him.

When Chen Jingchuan was by his side, Shen Dongyu would choose not to take medicine. With someone around, he could sleep well, but he still wanted to feel more of Chen Jingchuan’s presence besides him. It could bring him more happiness and comfort, even if it was brief.

“I’ll send you to school tomorrow.” Chen Jingchuan had a car in Hangzhou that was bought in Shen Dongyu’s sophomore year of college, purely for the convenience of traveling in Hangzhou during business trips.

“Okay.” Shen Dongyu softly answered.

“Why did you come back so late tonight? Are you busy with school?” Chen Jingchuan started chatting with him, making up for working so much just now and neglecting Shen Dongyu.

“It took a while, but I’m not that busy.” Shen Dongyu said factually.

Chen Jingchuan gave out a tired “en” sound at the end, then didn’t speak to Shen Dongyu again. He felt drowsy and fell asleep quickly. Shen Dongyu was left aside to use his brain to think about a bunch of unrealistic things.

Actually, Shen Dongyu wasn’t the type of person that knew how to take care of himself, nor did he know how to treat himself better. Even Chen Jingchuan felt that he was sometimes immature, thinking that perhaps this type of personality would give his future girlfriend a headache.

After Chen Jingchuan sent him to school, he got out of the car to take out an umbrella from the trunk to give to Shen Dongyu.

“No matter if it rains or snows, you can’t not bring an umbrella.” Chen Jingchuan said when handing it to Shen Dongyu.

“I just think using it is a pain.” Shen Dongyu explained.

“Wouldn’t it be more troublesome if you didn’t use an umbrella and caught a cold? Shuran jie will worry about you.” Chen Jingchuan’s tone was strict, and his expression was also very serious.

“Alright, I’ll remember it.” Shen Dongyu said meekly.

Chen Jingchuan watched him enter the gates of the campus, then turned and left.

 

TL: uhh so the car was bought in Shen Dongyu’s college sophomore year, referred to in past tense, so Shen Dongyu is now at least 19-20. That means Chen Jingchuan is also around 22-24 now? The passage of time isn’t ever explicitly stated though, so the actual duration of the timeskip is hard to measure. I’d say it’s either 3-4 years if he was a highschool freshman in the beginning of the novel, or 2 years if he wasn’t.

 

1According to Google, “Sanlitun is known for its fashionable dining and nightlife scene. Upscale Chinese restaurants serve crispy roast duck, global bistros and pastry cafes offer European fare, and tiny shops sell noodles and stewed pork buns to revelers spilling out of the area’s karaoke bars, cocktail lounges and raucous dance clubs.”