The Hated Male Concubine

#165

When he finally heard Hwawoon’s confession, Yihan realized that during the time he hadn’t laid eyes on Hwawoon, he hadn’t truly perceived the world. Yihan’s world was just a black-and-white space without Yeon Hwawoon.

“I dared… I dared to love you…”

But when Hwawoon said those words, color began to spread from his lips. It started from his blue lips, then his pale face and his light green sleepwear, and finally all sorts of colors blossomed around Hwawoon and spread to Yihan’s world. It was as if someone was conveying to Yihan that losing the person before him would mean a life in a perpetually colorless world.

Yihan slowly raised his hand and cupped Hwawoon’s cheeks, which were drenched in tears. For a moment, Hwawoon flinched away, as if to avoid the touch, but Yihan had no intention of letting him back away. Flames began to spread from his palms on Hwawoon’s cheeks. It was a flame so fierce that it burned away all the confusion in his mind.

Yihan wanted to hear it again. He wanted Hwawoon’s confession of love for him to flow out of his lips just one more time. But Yihan refrained from asking because he could see clearly how difficult it must have been for Hwawoon to bring himself to say those words.

Hwawoon was telling his love, but in fact, it was like a confession of sin. In the Emperor’s eyes, this was a love that transcended status. However, after listening to Hwawoon’s desperate and painful confession, Yihan refrained from pressing Hwawoon further as he realized that for Hwawoon, it was a sin of discourtesy against the Emperor.

Instead, he slowly pulled Hwawoon’s face up and whispered the feelings that had been revealed through the cracks in his heart.

“It must… have been hard for you…”

“Your Majesty!”

“No, wait. Just hear me out.”

Hwawoon, who felt that he didn’t deserve such words, hastened to retort, but Yihan stopped him first. The Emperor’s thumb gently touched Hwawoon’s wet lips. Observing the chapped lips that manifested in their short separation, Yihan realized the depth of Hwawoon’s pain. Yihan’s heart ached for him, not caring that he, too, had suffered just as much.

I shouldn’t have gone that far. Even if I couldn’t trust him at once, even if I was scared and afraid that his true feelings weren’t for me, I shouldn’t have stormed off in a huff. Even though he knew his treatment wasn’t severe, Yihan couldn’t help but feel such regret again; just like before, when he didn’t believe Hwawoon and pushed him away when Hwawoon told him he had changed.

“For… for making you bear all this alone…”

Now that the thing he feared the most had come to pass, Yihan could think of all the things that Yeon Hwawoon had to bear alone, telling no one. His desperate confession might have been another source of pain for him, who was bearing the weight of immense guilt.

“For not being there for you when you needed me the most. For forcing my feelings on you without knowing anything… I really have no face in front of you.”

Hwawoon shook his head strongly, unable to answer. He couldn’t stop Yihan from saying that since he felt like he would burst into tears if he opened his mouth. Everything was my fault, none of this sin is yours to bear, Your Majesty. He wanted to say that, but the fact that the Emperor was now apologizing in front of him was so precious that Hwawoon leaned his head against the palms on his cheeks.

“… Dear my Woon.”

At last, the Emperor called out to his lover. Unmistakably, it was the name by which he called his one and only lover.

“I will never hurt you again.”

Even if it was Yeon Hwawoon, a man determined to bear all his sins and suffering alone, how could he not break down before such an ardent heart?

Then, Hwawoon’s lips slowly touched Yihan’s palm. It was just like a sacred ritual. The hot lips landed on Yihan’s palm once, then on the back of his hand. Each breath on his flesh was an unspeakable worship and confession.

In the end, it was only natural that Yihan was unable to hold back. He pulled Hwawoon closer and kissed him. Hwawoon didn’t hesitate and opened his lips to welcome Yihan. Their hot breaths became one in an instant, and Yihan’s arm quickly wrapped around Hwawoon’s slender waist, pulling him even closer. An unbearable heat rose from every inch of their contact. Yihan knew Hwawoon would have it hard, but he licked every inch inside the tender mouth, somehow wanting to dig deeper.

It was like a thirst that felt unquenchable for ages. Yihan’s hands urgently pried into Hwawoon’s collar, and Hwawoon didn’t push them away. Yihan kept biting on Hwawoon’s lips and continuing to push his hot tongue in. Yihan pulled away while breathing heavily, just as he was about to push Hwawoon down.

As Hwawoon gasped for breath and looked up at Yihan, there was a desire in his eyes that had never been seen before. As soon as Yihan saw it, he wanted to pounce on him again, but he clenched his fists so tightly that his nails dug into his palms. Yihan held back his animalistic desire and spoke.

“Since… since you’re not feeling well…”

“…”

“I’m not… I’m not confident I won’t put you in pain all night if we continue…”

Yihan breathed roughly. He knew instinctively. It was now or never. If he crossed this line tonight, he would surely torment Yeon Hwawoon again, push him beyond his limits, and make him cry until he begged him to stop. Yihan was certain about it. He might have continued if Hwawoon was in a normal condition, but he didn’t want to subject someone who had barely regained their senses after enduring so much pain further.

However, Hwawoon didn’t back down even after hearing those words. While his face was like a wildflower that could be broken by the wind, Hwawoon did not back down at Yihan’s warning, but instead got closer to him and wrapped his trembling hands on the Emperor’s face.

For the first time. Truly, for the first time in his life, Hwawoon felt his feelings were completely allowed, and tonight, he didn’t want to hold back.

“Your Majesty…”

Hwawoon called out to Yihan, who looked rather frightened by his touch. Yihan seemed as if he were afraid that if he touched Hwawoon, Hwawoon would shatter and fall apart. Very slowly and clumsily, yet with the deepest sincerity, Hwawoon pressed his lips against Yihan’s, and then immediately pulled away. It was a simple gesture, nothing compared to a deep kiss, with breath and saliva mingling, but the effect of that momentary contact on Yihan was something else entirely. They were only an inch apart, and Hwawoon whispered.

“This humble little man dares to implore you, Your Majesty…”

“You… How could you…”

“If you’re not reluctant of me… Your Majesty, tonight, please don’t turn me—”

Before he could finish speaking, Hwawoon felt a huge tidal wave wash over him. It was a night he would never forget for a long time.

***

Yihan woke up at the crack of dawn and immediately smiled at the pleasant warmth in his arms. His mind was so calm, and he didn’t feel any fatigue, as though all the hellish night had never happened.

Hwawoon was asleep, his face buried in Yihan’s arms. In Yihan’s eyes, it was adorable; he felt embracing Hwawoon was akin to cuddling a delicate white rabbit or any small, endearing creature. Suddenly, Yihan was tempted to poke him in the cheek and tickle his eyelashes, but then he realized that he had to let Hwawoon get some sleep because he had tormented the sick person all night.

Though, obviously, he couldn’t resist planting kisses very carefully over the closed eyes.

After landing his lips on the eyes that were red from crying all night, Yihan pulled Hwawoon a little closer before getting lost in thought. The problem between Hwawoon and him was now practically settled, but there were still many other issues to consider.

The first thing Yihan thought of was the original Yeon Hwawoon, who had already died a long time ago. No matter how wicked he had been, and how he had eventually become someone he didn’t want to see, Yihan couldn’t help but feel uneasy to think of how he had died alone without anyone knowing.

It was as if he could hear the voice of “Yeon Hwawoon,” who forcefully asked him for his one and only heart for himself. Yihan thought back to his feelings for Yeon Hwawoon back then. Personally, to say the least, he felt Yeon Hwawoon was the worst, and he had once thought that a man who had ascended to the throne of the Emperor should not harbor any special feelings for a single individual.

But now Yihan was crying, laughing, and breaking his own long-held beliefs for the sake of a man with the appearance of that “Yeon Hwawoon.” If “Yeon Hwawoon’s soul,” who had died without anyone knowing, was wandering the nether world, what would he think if he saw this situation? Yihan couldn’t help but feel his heart grow heavy at the thought. It was as if the emperor was now sharing the heavy burden that Hwawoon had carried alone for so long.

“Mmm…”

At that moment, Hwawoon, who was sleeping in Yihan’s arms, let out a small sound as he tossed and turned. Yihan reflexively patted him on the back, soothingly, and Hwawoon naturally wrapped his arms around Yihan’s waist and burrowed into him. At the same time, the thoughts cluttering Yihan’s mind instantly disappeared, and a smile appeared on his face. Yihan adjusted his position to make Hwawoon as comfortable as possible and felt Hwawoon’s heartbeat increase at a pleasant pace.

There were still things that weighed heavily on his mind and things that were difficult to deal with. He would have to think hard about how to solve each one of them.

But nevertheless, he had one person that he loved so much in his arms.

With this person in his arms, Yihan closed his eyes, finding the strength to face whatever challenges lay ahead.