Heartbeat of Innocence

TW: violence

It was still that small alleyway. The rain accumulated in the holes in the street, and along with the water in the downspout and mud brought about by the passing cars, became puddles and puddles of dirty water.

Shen Dongyu, standing in front of the campus entrance for a few seconds, was brought away by Liang Xiao’s people. The umbrella that was originally prepared for his classmate fell from his hand, onto the dirt somewhere next to his shoes. He got wet from the rain, and the coldness soaked his body, making him cough continuously. Water dripped down through the tips of his hair. Through the rain, he saw the mocking smile of Liang Xiao who had been waiting for him.

People have awareness when it comes to death. His hand tightly gripped the pen in his pocket, not letting go.

Shen Dongyu was pinned to the ground by three or four people. Liang Xiao grabbed his hair from behind, and his entire face was pressed into a dirty puddle for almost two minutes, forced to drink a few mouthfuls of dirty water, before Liang Xiao unwillingly let him go.

Liang Xiao calmly walked to the side, picked up the umbrella propped up against the wall and opened it, then squatted down in front of Shen Dongyu, handing it to him, saying, “For the last time, I wish you a successful Zhongkao.”

Shen Dongyu stared into his eyes, with blood vessels that looked like they would pop. His head started to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen, and small pieces of rock in his mouth ripped open his throat, making him throw up from the pain. The voices that sounded far away made him think he couldn’t hear anymore.

“Did you hear me?” Liang Xiao asked again. The heavy rain pounded on the city’s corners, making it sound especially loud. Shen Dongyu clenched his fists and unhurriedly nodded. He had no choice but to use his clothes to wipe the dirty water from his eyes, then coldly looked back at Liang Xiao, his voice hoarse: “Thank you for being so ‘forgiving’!”

Finishing his words, Shen Dongyu took out the pen and fiercely plunged it at Liang Xiao’s heart. Before he could even feel the pain, blood immediately dyed the white shirt red, and the umbrella in his hands fell to the ground.

The alleyway was in chaos. Both the police and ambulance arrived, and the sirens finally covered up that agitating sound of rain. Before Shen Dongyu passed out, he was even beaten by Shen Jiaying. But Yu Nuan’s cries were for Liang Xiao who lay in the ambulance.

“Mom.” As if Shen Dongyu’s body couldn’t feel Shen Jiaying’s heavy blows, he wanted to pass by Shen Jiaying and call Yu Nuan to his side, murmuring that he was in discomfort.

“Shen Dongyu!”

A familiar voice pulled him back from the broken memory. Quickly standing up from beside Liang Xiao, he saw a figure running out of the mist little by little.

Shen Dongyu’s chest was still pounding from those memories. He pinched at the skin on the inside of his wrist to relieve the anxiety from his disorder, his eyelids with thick eyelashes opened and closed frequently, but were still unable to hold back the tears that made his eyes wet. His eyes were clear and pure, reflecting the shadow of Chen Jingchuan walking toward him, as his heartbeat became more and more clear next to his ears.

“I should apologize to you for what happened that day, but I didn’t have the chance.” Liang Xiao hadn’t yet noticed Shen Dongyu’s peculiarity. Knowing that someone was here to find Shen Dongyu, he wanted to quickly finish his words. “I also wanted to make it up to you.”

“No need.” Shen Dongyu took a deep breath, suppressing the emotions that were about to spill out, “It’s not necessary.”

“It is.” Liang Xiao was inexplicably resolute, “I want you to forgive me, to always stay in Hangzhou, and let me do your bidding.”

The street was covered by the shade of trees.  Another bus arrived, but no one got off. Chen Jingchuan approached them. Shen Dongyu wanted to leave as soon as possible. Looking back at Liang Xiao, he did his best to faintly smile and said, “I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you at all.”

“Since the day of the Zhongkao when you put sleeping pills in my cup, I stopped hating you. We’re even.” Shen Dongyu’s tone was deliberately low, not wanting Chen Jingchuan to overhear. He declared a fact to Liang Xiao: “From the time my mom made me kneel down and apologize to you, I’ve stopped hating you.”

Shen Dongyu knew what Liang Xiao wanted to say, but he didn’t want to listen to even a single word. He took a step backwards, fixing his gaze on Liang Xiao as he continued smiling and said, “But you will always feel guilty, because in this world, forgiveness will cause you more suffering than hate.”

Liang Xiao’s throat suddenly choked up. He wanted to ask why, but Shen Dongyu interrupted first. “My mom is the same. There will be a day where she will regret having me kneel, having me choose to forgive, having me grit my teeth as I swallow back blood. What she will regret even more will be that first time in the principal’s office where she accepted the fifty-thousand1About $7k your mom handed out on the spot.”

“My current self,” Shen Dongyu pointed at his own face. Thinner than before, with pale and bloodless lips. “Is the best punishment for her and my father.”

Liang Xiao dumbfoundedly stood there in place when he heard the words, watching Shen Dongyu’s retreating figure quickly run towards the person looking for him.

As soon as Shen Dongyu stepped out of the hospital, Chen Jingchuan heard Shen Shuran being furious in the ward, yelling over and over for Yu Nuan to hurry and find Shen Dongyu. But Yu Nuan ended up pulling at his hand instead, pleading for him to help bring back Shen Dongyu.

Following what Yu Nuan said about No. 1 Middle School, he used GPS and found him.

Shen Dongyu ran in front of Chen Jingchuan. The distance between the two people was very close. His face was slightly tilted up, colored with pleasant surprise. “How come you’re here?”

Chen Jingchuan first seized up Liang Xiao who had yet to leave, before lowering his head to scan Shen Dongyu’s entire body. Not seeing anything out of place at the moment, he asked, “Did you cry?”

“No.” Shen Dongyu shook his head. The reappearance of his symptom gave him a dull pain in his heart, but he wasn’t willing to talk about it.

“Stop lying.” Chen Jingchuan didn’t believe him and once again looked at Liang Xiao, but had no intention to ask.

“I didn’t.” Shen Dongyu denied it again.

“Alright.” Chen Jingchuan didn’t want to keep doubting him, and also didn’t want to expose the scars on Shen Dongyu’s back. The grief should fade with time.

Under the sunlight, the rays of light ripped open the layers of mist. The tall and dark green pine trees portrayed a drawing together with the blue sky. Chen Jingchuan, for the first time, held Shen Dongyu’s hand, telling him that they would go back to Shanghai.

Shen Dongyu nodded, then stared intently at Chen Jingchuan’s profile, really wanting to ask why he came to find him.

Does he already know something? Shen Dongyu thought dispiritedly, clenching a fist over his heart in an attempt to dispel the dull pain and unhappiness.

Perhaps it was because Shen Dongyu had stayed too long with Liang Xiao, he always spaced out around Chen Jingchuan. gripping something in his hand, unwilling to let go, always frowning regardless of how many times Chen Jingchuan pointed it out, thinking he was inattentive.

Shen Dongyu tried to refute and find excuses, saying no with a weak voice.

Their plain and boring conversation went on until they arrived in Shanghai. Chen Jingchuan was preparing to go back to his campus in Beijing, and Shen Dongyu was getting ready for a new semester, still affected by his mood from seeing Liang Xiao again. Shen Shuran ordered him not to go anywhere in Shanghai, and she will be taking care of the affairs of Shen Jiaying and Yu Nuan, without needing him to worry.

 

TL: this chapter was intense… Dongyu’s words really hit hard…

1About $7k