Heartbeat of Innocence

On New Year’s Eve, Shen Dongyu moved from Hangzhou to Shanghai.

Half of his face hidden in the collar of his own down jacket, his bright eyes were looking back and forth, searching for the familiar license plate. 

And about two minutes later, Shen Shuran was the one who found him amongst the crowd first.

After getting out of the car, Shen Shuran hurriedly hugged him tightly, straightened his hair that was messy from sleeping on the high speed rail, placed his luggage in the car trunk, then opened the door, telling him to quickly get in so that he wouldn’t freeze.

Shen Shuran casually held the steering wheel, driving in the center lane of the road. After stopping at an intersection, she asked, “Do you want to eat first or go home first?”

“Maybe eat first?” Shen Dongyu then yawned, hesitating, “But I also want to go home and sleep.”

“Then sleep after eating.” Shen Shuran decided for him. She doesn’t smile often, and has a very serious and decisive tone when she speaks, making it easy for people to follow her train of thought.

Shen Dongyu nodded with a smile, rolled down the car window, and laid his head on the car frame, appreciating Shanghai’s skyline. 

There are many places that could be visited in Shanghai at night, but when he arrived at the restaurant that Shen Shuran had booked, he was very against it and refused to go in. Helpless, Shen Shuran could only buy him yogurt from the convenience store downstairs, with fluffy bread substituting for dinner.

“Were you like this in Hangzhou too?” Shen Shuran watched him nibble on the soft bread, and couldn’t bear to wonder whether or not he ate enough while alone in Hangzhou.

Shen Dongyu shook his head, with the corners of his eyes raised, trying to make Shen Shuran feel a little more at ease. “No, I usually pick a time when no one else is there, so I definitely won’t let myself starve.”

“En1generally a sound of affirmation, good.” Shen Shuran took a deep breath. Blinking her already watering eyes, she raised a hand to pat his head, wanting to provide him with everything in the world. “Is there anything else you want? I’ll buy it for you.”

“There isn’t anything,” Shen Dongyu shook his head again, gulping down the bread to quickly finish it. Frowning, he said, “I want to go home, jiejie2Chinese for “older sister”.”

For this first night in Shanghai, they stayed in an old residential building. From here they can see the Oriental Pearl Tower in the distance, the neighborhood outside their window that only locals would visit, and the withering, yellow sycamore leaves that made the winter night feel lonelier than it already was. Shen Dongyu, sleeping in an unfamiliar environment, suddenly woke up during the night with a start. He leaned against the head of the bed to calm himself down. For the fear of waking up Shen Shuran and making her worry again, he didn’t dare to make a sound, just quietly gazing at the night outside the window, staying awake for the entire night.

It was only until the sun’s rays came through the curtain cracks, that he took a pill and closed his eyes with a peace of mind. Under the effects of the medicine, he slept until 4 in the afternoon. 

Coming out of the shower, Shen Dongyu stood in front of the mirror to dry his hair. Through the mirror, he scrutinized the corners of his eyes that had turned red from the hot water.

Neither handsome nor energetic, Shen Dongyu thought.

After tidying up, he stood in front of the window to look at a small corner of Shanghai. He didn’t particularly like this city, but he subconsciously thought of it as a safe haven. His mood was especially calm, without any agitation.

But today, when he went out, the camera that Shen Shuran bought for him still remains untouched. And like always, Shen Dongyu’s hands and heart are still, without any signs of change or fluctuation.

Shen Shuran directly asked him why he didn’t seem very interested. Whenever others are worried about him, Shen Dongyu would habitually give a smile, to ease up the other person’s worried heart. Today, he also gave such a smile, then shook his head and answered simply, “No.”

Shen Shuran knew that he didn’t want to talk about it, so she didn’t force him to answer and then naturally asked, “What do you want to eat? Or perhaps we should go watch a movie?”

Her life has always been monotonous and boring, so she isn’t good at initiating a romantic lifestyle. Food and movies are both things that originally wouldn’t have matched her.

So Shen Dongyu no longer kept up the calm stillness, and quickly made a choice.

Even though at the time, he just wanted to quickly go back to his room and stay inside alone.

The movie they’re watching was originally from Japan, Makoto Shinkai’s “Your Name”. Shen Shuran has very little understanding of current trends in entertainment. Everyday she faced only data and reports. But today she realized that it would be a sad story after earnestly watching up until the halfway point. When she noticed Shen Dongyu was about to become depressed, she interrupted his viewing and quickly took him out of the theater.

“The doctor said you shouldn’t watch anything not good for you, including movies, dramas, and news.” Shen Shuran explained to him.

Shen Dongyu didn’t react too much, he only felt sorry about the movie that he couldn’t finish. He also didn’t want to be affected too much, so he made a rare suggestion, “Jiejie, let’s go on a ferry.”

“Sure.”

The trumpet-like ship horn brought people’s attention to the river. Though the lights in Shanghai during winter shone brightly, revealing its business and prosperity, it is also a city embraced by inexpressible love and warmness. 

In the square, there are bands playing guitar and singing rock music, passionately chasing their dreams no matter how long it took, with couples embracing on street corners; children ran ahead of adults to chase the pigeons that landed to eat, causing the small birds to flap their wings and fly towards the sky.

That was the Shanghai from long ago, so far away that even when Shen Dongyu tries to think about it later in the future, it still doesn’t overlap with the Shanghai he would know. 

“When do I start going to school?” Shen Dongyu sat by the window, leisurely fiddling with red roses. The question, overlapping with the music in the background, had a sense of peacefulness.

“After New Year.” Shen Shuran quickly explained, “I want you to get accustomed to the city more, and the school is going to take a break in half of a month anyways.” 

Shen Dongyu returned the roses to the glass vase, then cast his gaze on the building outside the window. The lace curtain was rolled up and the cold wind made contact with his skin, causing Shen Dongyu to blankly look down on his pale and thin fingers. 

“A’Yu3Shen Dongyu’s nickname.” Shen Shuran is a southern girl. When she speaks, her gaze and voice are both soft and gentle, “You are still unhappy.” 

Shen Dongyu didn’t smile like the previous two times, his mood fluctuating. This time, very obviously, the corners of his mouth dropped, and his eyes became dull and sad. To Shen Dongyu, letting go of the past isn’t a good thing. Many messier things would end up filling that space, including the emotions that were temporarily calmed by drugs. 

Just like a moment ago. A random viewing, the unintentional touch between the lace curtains, all could let him suddenly lose control, spacing out and emptying his mind. 

They returned, no longer having the energy to appreciate the view.

Right before Shen Dongyu was about to walk into his room, he took the initiative to apologize to Shen Shuran, saying that he might have ruined her plans for tonight. 

Shen Shuran put her arms around his shoulders and comforted him softly, “I’m your jiejie, A’Yu, not any other person. You should understand, I wish for you to live without burdens. If you continue living like you did back in Hangzhou, what would be the meaning behind bringing you to my side?”

Shen Shuran didn’t continue, afraid that she would bring the opposite effect of what she intended. 

They chatted in the living room for a while, then Shen Shuran watched Shen Dongyu take his medicine and fall asleep before returning to her own room.

The night before New Year, Shen Shuran called Shen Dongyu, telling him that she will have a meeting tonight, so she won’t return to eat with him. Shen Donyu’s response allowed Shen Shuran to end the call without any concerns. 

He went to a bookstore in the city by himself. It was the only place that he had searched for in his mind, as well as the only thing that he had wanted to do at the moment.

When he went in, he smelled the fragrance of coffee. Ever since having to follow the advice of the doctor, he never dared to try coffee. But he isn’t all that obedient, so he made his order as he wished. 

Just a single cup shouldn’t matter too much. Shen Dongyu thought he would be lucky and remain unaffected while reading with his head lowered. 

Seeing it is already 17:30, right at the time for sunset, Shen Dongyu wanted to take a look at what the nightfall in Shanghai looks like, so he quickly put away the books and rushed out of the bookstore. 

Winter’s dusk light spreads between the streets distinctly. On the pavements, there are fallen sycamore leaves, making clear and crispy sounds after being crushed over by car tires.

He was very close to the orange skyline, but when Shen Dongyu walked forward, it retreated further away. So he has to stop, silently watching the rays of sunshine split clouds into different shapes.

Shen Dongyu then spent a long time in the flower shop near home. He agonized over whether to choose small daisies or roses, but in the end he was convinced by the boss to buy both for 30 yuan.

The daisies are white, while the roses are orange. He asked the boss to help give him a nicer packaging, then quickly picked beige color paper from the pile of wrapping paper himself. 

The ray of gold from the afterglow shone onto his cheek, with the orange roses making his skin color appear even lighter. The rush of night breeze is especially gentle, lacking the winter’s harsh chill. The passing pedestrians also took a few more glances at him. 

Flowers have the ability to make people happy, so Shen Dongyu was also satisfied in his heart, and went home with the corners of his mouth raised. He walked up the stairs humming a song. The sound of his shoes on the wooden floor wasn’t loud, but he disliked this kind of noise.

Slowly walking up to the second floor, he saw a tall boy standing in the corridor. With his back to Shen Dongyu, he was affectionately using a gentle voice to read a French passage out loud.

The corridor was old, the light in the fixtures above flicker on one after another. Shen Dongyu’s footsteps are fixed in place. The voice activation of the lights had been in disrepair for a long time, and it suddenly went out, as if conveying some kind of signal. The boy in the corridor turned around, saw Shen Dongyu, then the lights turned on again. The two looked at eachother, while the air was filled with a damp smell. There was heavy snowfall outside the window behind the boy, and it flew in through the gap in the window, landing unhurriedly by his side.

The boy was wearing a sweatshirt and a hat. Under the weak light and air full of dust, Shen Dongyu can only see half of his chin and nose.

Shen Dongyu, for some unusual reason, smiled politely. The boy then pulled off one of his earbuds, slightly raising his head. The view of the other half of his face fell into Shen Dongyu’s eyes unintentionally, just like Shen Dongyu himself in the eyes of the other person. Shen Dongyu finally had a clear look at this person’s appearance.

“I’m sorry.” The boy took the initiative to apologize, quickly picking up the schoolbag that blocked the corridor, then moved aside to make room for Shen Dongyu.

“It’s not a problem.” Shen Dongyu slowly said after he walked past the boy.

The sound activated light shut off again. The boy cleared his throat, read that passage out loud again, and Shen Dongyu went upstairs with the lights flickering on and off. 

The ginkgo leaves in the harsh winter were blown and spread in the air by the wind. It was the first time Shen Dongyu met Cheng Jingchuan. 

 

The heavy snow lasted until the night of the new year.

Shen Dongyu, wearing a scarf, went with Shen Shuran to come visit the owner of this residential building. Who, according to his sister, is the friend she made while working in other cities, and is much older than her. But Shen Dongyu didn’t feel any conflicts or age gap between the women when they talked as happily and honestly as old friends with no age difference. He also realized that the one who was reading a French passage in the corridor that day is this lady’s son, currently learning two languages. 

“Does A’Yu want to eat sugared hawthorns?” Jiang Yuan was mixing dumpling fillings, then walked to the kitchen door with chopsticks still holding chopped leek leaves, suddenly opening her wrinkled but small and round eyes to question him.

Shen Dongyu was drowsy, sitting on the sofa while feeling tired and sleepy. It took him some time to realize that Jiang Yuan was talking to him. He wasn’t good at refusing others, so he said in a hoarse voice, “Want to.”

“Alright.” Jiang Yuan turned to walk to Shen Shuran’s side, unable to hold her phone in her hands for now, saying, “Call Jingchuan for me, tell him to buy some.”

Shen Shuran used her own phone to dial Chen Jingchuan’s number.

A New Year’s Day afternoon passed slowly, Shen Dongyu was in the living room, bored, and wanted to help in the kitchen. But the two women were busy with the festivities and rejected him one by one.

Shen Dongyu walked onto the veranda and spaced out for a long time. Finally unable to bear the side effects of the medicine, he fell asleep in the hanging chair during nightfall.

When he woke up, it was already past 8 at night. Shen Dongyu took off the scarf to dissipate some heat from his reddened cheeks, then wanted to take off the sweater as well, but Jiang Yuan made him keep it on.

“It will be cold when we go out in a while, and wearing such thin clothing in an air conditioned room will get you cold easily.” Jiang Yuan walked towards him, pulled on his other sleeve and helped him wear the sweater caringly.

“I’ll lower the temperature of the heater. Look, even his face was heated up, becoming red. It’s so festive…” Jiang Yuan laughed while talking to herself, and happily chatted with Shen Shuran about Shen Dongyu’s appearance.

Shen Dongyu doesn’t think too much about his appearance, so he didn’t want to listen to their conversation. But he noticed someone knocking on the door outside of this lively place. 

When he was about to stand up to open the door, Jiang Yuan was a step ahead of him and opened the door.

Chen Jingchuan’s nose had turned red from the freezing temperatures, with water droplets still remaining on it, and his black clothing was covered with fallen snowflakes. Following the voice of Jiang Yuan, he walked into the warm living room with yellow light, placing the packed sugared hawthorns on the table.

Jiang Yuan blamed him for not using an umbrella. While he took off his wet clothes and hung them on a hanger, he carelessly said, “It’s okay.”

Chen Jingchuan had heard on the phone earlier that Shuran jie would bring her younger brother, who was about the same age as him, over for dinner. He was comfortable with having guests over, so this matter didn’t bother him. After tidying up his clothes, he turned around and proactively greeted Shen Dongyu, naturally saying, “Hello.”

Shen Dongyu quickly rose from the couch, stretched out his hand to him, and they shook hands for appearances’ sake.

Chen Jingchuan remembered their meeting in the corridor, and raised his eyebrows in surprise. “The one with the bouquet the other day was you.”

“Uh, yes.” Shen Dongyu laid on the couch with half of his face covered with the scarf, avoiding eye contact without any confidence, and responded with a hello half a second later.

“I’m Shen Dongyu.”

“Chen Jingchuan.”

 

TL: Hi everyone, thanks for reading! This is my first time translating, so I hope everyone can be patient with me ^^ This is a short story, with only 25 chapters. Please enjoy!

1generally a sound of affirmation2Chinese for “older sister”3Shen Dongyu’s nickname