Your Eyes

I'm not giving up.

I opened my eyes and my eyelids were too heavy that I had a hard time trying to widely open it. I saw a bright light, then I saw people with my blurred vision. I don't know what time it was, even what day I am in.

The moment my vision cleared, I saw my mom. Then my dad on my right. I was looking for a specific person, but I didn't see him. At first, I was only communicating with everyone through my hands and nodding my head. But when the machine that helped me breathe was finally out of me, I can now talk and breathe on my own.

"He's gone."

The moment they told me that, everything that happened before, came to visit me once again. My eyes were closed for another time, I couldn't do anything but cry. I was so weak that the only thing I can do is cry.

Simula nang nagising ako ay medyo nahirapan ako mag-adjust sa sarili ko. Hindi ako makatayo mag-isa at hindi rin ako makapagsalita pero makalipas naman ang ilang linggo ay nakakagalaw na akong mag-isa.

The doctor cleared me maybe when he saw that my condition was much better. Everyone came at my last day in the hospital, They were carrying balloons and flowers. Mom told me that she's telling me something important.

"Anak, You're carrying a baby."

When I heard that, I felt that this baby with me is the reason why I'm still here after all. The baby gave me another reason to go on, another reason why I should still fight, and and another reason to wake up each morning.

I was in tears again because I feel rejoiced and glad. I promise to my baby that I will make her feel complete even without a father. I will survive, I will do it.

Mom helped me get up my bed and made me sit down on the wheelchair. I am finally going home. I am finally back home.

"Anak, You can go to your room. You don't have to eat here, Kami na lang ang magdadala sa kwarto mo."

"No, Mom. I'm okay. Kaya ko."

She nodded and I sat down for a minute in the sofa at the living room. I opened the television.

Andrew came to me and said he wanted to have a talk with me.

"Ate, How are you feeling?"

"I'm better, lil bro."

"How about the baby?"

"Gusto mo ba siya kausapin? You can talk to the baby." I smiled.

"You're so sweet, Andrew."

I was in complete bed rest for a month so that I could regain my strength that I loss when I was in comatose.

         FEW MONTHS LATER

Ang hirap pala mag buntis noh, every morning masusuka ka talaga tapos nahihilo, gusto mo nakahiga ka lang, at kain lang ng kain.

It was my third month today and They assisted me in going to my doctor for my monthly check up.

"Ms. Williams, You are now on your third month. You must be more careful as you have a heart condition. But no worries, The baby is really healthy."

"Thank You, Doc. Can I ask permission if I could travel?"

"Yes, Just make sure to not stress yourself and get enough rest." The gynecologist explained.

Pagkatapos ng check up ay umuwi na rin kami agad. But dad asked me something while on the way.

"Anak, Where are you planning to go? Remember, Your condition."

He asked.

"Cape town, For Adam's birthday in 4 days."

"Anak, It's not good for you. You can't go. What if something happens to you again? Paano na?"

Mom added.

"Mommy, Kaya ko. Kailangan ko lang talaga gawin yun. I have to free myself. Please?"

"Okay. Basta ingatan mo ang apo namin okay? By the way, are you going tonight? Dinner at 7 pm."

"Yes po, I'll go."

Pagkarating sa bahay ay umakyat agad ako sa kwarto ko para magpahinga. Lumalaki na ang tiyan ko kaya inaasahan ko na after this month ay bibigat na lalo ito.

I already got my ticket and I will pack today. Manang Rina will help me pack my things.

"Serena?" Katok niya.

"Manang, Pasok po kayo."

"Ako na lang ang bahala mag ayos ng gamit mo. Ilabas mo na lang ang lahat ng kailangan at dadalhin mo ako na ang aayos ng maleta."

"Sige po, salamat po."

Inilabas ko ang mga damit, sapatos, at mga toiletries ko. Puro bistida ang dala ko at pajamas naman na maluluwag ang pang-tulog ko dahil nga ayaw ko ng masikip na damit para sa tiyan ko.

Tinupi ko ng maayos ang mga damit habang inilalagay ni Manang ang mga gamit ko sa loob ng aking maleta.

"Serena, Okay na ito. Kung may kailangan ka pa ay sabihan mo lang agad ako. Kailan nga pala ang alis mo?"

"Sa April 5 po. Sige, salamat po, Manang Rina."

Pagkalabas ni Manang Rina ay tinabi ko muna ang maleta ko at humiga sa aking kama. Hinahaplos ko ang aking tiyan habang kinakausap ang batang nasa sinapupunan ko.

"Anak, I'm sorry if I couldn't let you see your father. Kahit na wala siya, sisikapin ko na maramdaman mo na kumpleto ka at masaya tayo."

Natulog muna ako para magkaron ng lakas mamayang gabi dahil aalis kami nila Mommy at Daddy.

May thanksgiving dinner daw and I expected that my friends will be there as well.

I took my eyes for some zzz's. I woke up three hours later. I took a warm bath para hindi ako mabigla pati na rin si baby. It took me fifteen minutes to finish my bath.

Simula ng mabuntis ako, I used less beauty products dahil masama sa baby ang chemicals. Kaya powder foundation, blush, and mauve lipstick na lang ang gamit ko.

Then I chose a dress that is knee-length and a little fitted because I want to show my growing tummy.

Its color is burgundy then I paired it with a white sleeveless coat then a pair of white pointed mules.

I brought my clutch because I don't want to carry heavy bags that's why I only brought my phone, wallet, and medicine with me.

I heard Mom called my name that's why I went outside my room and slowly went down on the stairs that led to our living room.

"Wow, You look amazing, anak."

Dad complimented.

"Thanks, Dad." I replied.

Then I saw Andrew trying to fix his neck tie so I came to him and helped.

"Let me, baby."

"Ate, Hindi na po ako baby. Si baby mo na ngayon ang baby noh. Big boy na ako." Nguso niya.

"Shh! Ikaw pa rin ang bunso kahit may baby na ako."

"Okay, There you go."

Si Mang Pio ang nagmaneho para sa amin at ang dalang sasakyan namin ay ang Ford Expedition na kulay itim. Sa gilid ako sumakay at si Andrew naman ay pina-gigitnaan namin ni Mommy habang si Daddy ay katabi si Mang Pio sa harapan.

Mga trenta-minuto ang biniyahe namin papunta sa restaurant na sinasabi nila. Inalalayan ako ni Daddy pababa ng sasakyan.

Dahan dahan akong naglakad para mag-ingat dahil mahirap na madapa. Gusto ko na parehas kaming safe ni baby.

Pinagbuksan kami ni Daddy ng pintuan at laking gulat ko nang kumpleto ang lahat ng kaibigan ko. Sila Kelsey, Nico, Zia, Camryn, and Lewis. Kahit sila Samantha, Rico, and Paulo, ngayon lang kami nagkita matapos ang nangyari.

Umupo ako sa gitna dahil gusto nila kumportable ang pwesto ko. I ordered two slices of pizza, two mini burger, two slices of garlic bread, one plate of garden salad, and two glasses of orange juice. Lahat kami ay nagkukwentuhan habang naghihintay sa aming pagkain.

"Serena, Can I have minute or two with you?" Lewis whispered.

I nodded and he assisted me in standing up then we went to the garden.

"I know it's been months since we last saw each other but I wanted to tell you something." He said.

"And, What's that?" I asked.

"I am truly sorry, Serena. I am sorry for what I've done to you and Adam. Please, Give me another chance to change and prove myself." He teared.

"Shh, We're okay. You have been forgiven even before you said sorry. Okay, Lewis?"

We hugged each other and went back to our table. I saw the waiters and waitress serving the food we ordered. I sat on the chair I was.

"Serena, Why does everything come in two? Your food." Sam asked.

"Oo nga, Anak. I noticed that you eat two of every dish you have. Why?" Mom added.

"Oh, One for the baby and one for me. I want to make sure that i'm not just the only one who is full but also the baby with me." I smiled.

"Aww, That's so sweet. Alam mo ba itong si Nico, kung makapang-asar sa akin kala mo perfect yung katawan." Zia shared.

"Nico, Wag mo'ng aasarin si Zia, buntis yan at baka kung anong magawa niyan sayo kapag napikon. We are really s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e during our pregnancy that's why you should be more careful and cautious of what you say and what you do." I advised.

"Sabi ko sayo! Kupal ka eh." Asar ni Zia kay Nico.

Grabe! Takot nga talaga siya kay Zia at alam kong sa mga mata pa lang niya ang under na under na si Nico. Nakakaloka sila ah!

"Serena, How are now? Are you okay?" Samantha asked.

"Oo naman. But of course, i'm still trying to move forward though. I'm really trying for the baby."

"Serena, I want to thank you for saving me. I am beyond grateful."

Rico said.

"We're a team, remember? Sayang lang at hindi na tayo kumpleto."

"You can do it, Serena. I know you are such a strong person. We'll always be here for you." Paulo added.

When I was done eating my dinner, I also ordered a slice of sansrival cake. So that I could call it a night through eating dessert.

Then when we were all finished eating, We took a picture together at the garden. They pointed out my tummy and I posed. Kahit buntis ako kailangan maganda pa rin noh.

We all hugged each other and gave kisses to everyone before we left.

"Are you okay, Serena? Baka mamaya napagod ka." Mom asked.

"I'm good, Mom. Full, actually."

"That's good for you and baby."

The road was quiet yet full of lights. It was filled with lights through the buildings and the post. I was quiet the whole time we were in the car.

"Oo nga pala, anak. Bibisita si Gabriella at Alex tomorrow morning." Dad said when we sat on the sofa.

"S-Sino po sila?" I asked.

"Adam's parents. Is it okay with you?" Dad asked.

"Okay, Dad. Can I rest now?"

"Sure, Anak. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, Ate." Andrew hugged.

"Goodnight, Everyone!"

I went up to my room and took off my shoes and had a half bath. I changed my clothes to my hoodie night clothes. I brushed my hair and watched the television for a while. After some minutes, I turned it off because I am already sleepy. I prayed before I slept. I prayed that wherever Adam is, I hope he is okay and That I wished that Lord God guide him everyday.

Baby, Take a rest na. It's a new day tomorrow. Another chance.

My eyes were woken up by the sunlight from my curtain. It was broad daylight when I stood up my bed and went on my terrace. I looked at how beautiful the city is.

"Thank You, Lord! Good Morning, Baby." I shouted.

I washed my face and gargled. Then I went out my room for breakfast. I was surprised when I saw everyone in the dining room, preparing breakfast.

"Good Morning, Sweetie. Have a seat. Breakfast will be served in just a minute." Mom and Dad greeted.

"Good Morning, Ate. I made you and the baby, pancakes. I hope that you'll like it." Andre smiled.

"Thank You, Baby Bro."

"Ate, Bro only. I am not a baby." He emphasized.

"Okay, B-R-O." I chuckled.

We all ate together with Manang Rina and Mang Pio. I drank hot chocolate because when I got pregnant, I stopped drinking caffeine for the baby.

"Hon, Anong oras pala pupunta sina Gabriella at Alex?" Mom asked.

"For lunch daw sabi ni Alex." Dad replied.

"Manang Rina, Please cook lunch for everyone. Yung specialty niyo."

Mom reminded.

"Okay po, Ma'am."

After breakfast, I went to the pool and took a walk. Ito na kasi ang exercise ko dahil hindi naman ako pwede mag workout diba?

Kahit ang dami kong binago sa lifestyle ko, hindi ako nagsisi. It's all for this baby, Hindi ko na hahayaan pa na may mawala pang isang mahalaga at mahal kong tao ang mawala sa buhay ko.

After Andrew watched his favorite morning cartoon, Mom asked him to take a bath and get ready because the family of Adam is coming to visit me and the baby.

We went up together because Andrew asked me to prepare and choose clothes for him to wear.

I chose his white polo and khaki shorts. I remember that is how Adam dress up. He definitely has the best clothes and that it everything looks good on him. I miss fixing Adam's tie and his messy hair.

"Ate? Are you okay?" Andrew asked.

"Yes, I'll go back to my room, brother. See you in a bit."

I walked back to my room and saw Mom going to the same direction as I am.

"Anak, Are you okay? Ang haba na ng buhok mo, I think it's time for a haircut."

"Yes, Mom. I'll think about it." I smiled.

I opened my closet and chose what I'm going to wear. I chose the maxi dress that is color white. Puro mahahaba ang dresses ko or just knee-length. I also wear mules or sandals with low heels.

Nag blow-dry ako ng buhok at nagsuklay lang, below bra line na ang buhok ko maya balak ko na magpaikli na ng buhok. Pulbo at lipstick lang ang nilagay ko sa mukha ko. Nagsuot ako ng hikaw at bracelet. In thirty minutes, darating na sila and this is the first time that i'll see his parents.

Umupo muna ako sandali sa sofa sa kwarto ko at nanood ng tv. Kinausap ko muna si baby para maging close kami lalo kahit nasa loob pa siya. It's only nine months na nandito siya sa loob ko kaya gusto ko na sulitin na.

Until I heard a car honking, Bumaba na ako para sumalubong sa kanila. Excited pero mas kinakabahan ako dahil this is the first time that i'll meet them.

I was waiting at the door when I saw them enter the gate.

"Hija, I'm happy that we finally met each other. How are you?" Tita Gabriella greeted.

"I'm good, Tita."

"Oo nga pala, This is your Tito Alex."

"Good Afternoon po, Tito Alex." I greeted.

"Nako, Call us Mom and Dad. You are family, Anak. Ngayon pa na magkaka-apo na kami. How's the baby?" Tito Alex asked.

"Healthy po." I smiled.

"Nako, Upo muna kayo, Suit yourselves, Lunch will be served in a minute." Asikaso ni Mommy.

"Hon, Tulungan ko na si Kathy ah. I'll go with her at the kitchen." Tita Gab offered.

"Sure, Hon."

"So Pare, Balita ko may lalabas daw sina Gab at Kathy natin next week. Let's have some drinks." Tito Alex invited Dad.

"Sure, Pare. Actually aalis itong si Serena mamayang gabi."

"Really? San ang biyahe mo, hija?"

Tito Alex asked.

"Cape Town po. South Africa." I replied.

"Kaya mo ba mag-isa, Anak? We can come if you want." Tito Alex asked.

"Yes po, Dad. Well 4 days lang naman po ako dun."

"Okay, Lunch is ready. Let's go." Tita Gabby called our attention.

Daddy Robert helped me get up. We all went together in the dining room. I sat down beside Mommy and Andrew. Lahat sila nagkukwentuhan and I could see that they really are well together.

"Anak, Inumin mo muna yung gamot mo. Okay?" Utos ni Dad.

"Oo nga po pala, Sige po, Excuse me lang po saglit." Paalam ko.

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko at kinuha ang medicine box ko.

Dala dala ko ang baso ko na may lamang tubig para isang puntahan na lang ako. The medicine prescribed to me is for my heart to avoid cardiac arrest and c.h.e.s.t pain. Then the other are my immunosuppressants for my lupus to not be active.

After I took those medicines, I saw Andrew went up to his room. I came back to dining room but I overheard them talking about something that called my attention. I listened quietly to what they were talking about.

"Gab and I hired an investigator to focus on looking for Adam. They told us that they have a lead where Adam is but, The locals said that they found a body near the abandoned site days after the i—"

Nabitawan ko ang basong nasa aking kamay. Nabasa ang aking paa dahil sa tubig na kasama sa nabasag na baso.

"Serena? K-Kanina ka pa ba dyan?"

"W-Wala na si Adam?"

"Anak."

"B-Bakit? Bakit kailangan niyong itago sa akin?"

"Natatakot kami that if you'll know this, baka lumala ang sitwasyon mo."

"Ma, I am 22 years old. You think that I couldn't control my emotions and myself? Come on, Tell me the truth. Daddy, Tito Alex, Tita Gabby. What?"

"Nahanap na namin siya."

"R-Really? Where? I have to see him."

"Wala na siya."

"Anong wala?"

"Hindi na siya babalik because he's really dead. They found his body."

"No, Hindi. Hindi yan totoo."

I walked out and went to my room and took my luggage. I decided to leave earlier because I need time away from everything. Nagpahatid na lang ako kay Mang Pio at nagpa iwan na sa airport. Isang maleta ang dala ko. May isang oras pa ako before my flight, nag stay lang muna ako sa isang restaurant.

I remember dito sa mismong restaurant na ito, dito kami nag stay ni Adam bago ang flight namin papuntang South Africa.

I didn't expect that it would be this hard. But no, I'm not giving up. Hindi ako naniniwalang patay na siya. I will find him para sa anak ko, para sa anak namin.