When I Reach You

#8. Going crazy

2022.07.27.

After coming out of the man’s officetel, Eun-jae let out a deep sigh.

My mind was complicated.

Despite being offered unreasonable conditions, he refused.

What about that pride?

Strangely, the man didn’t get soggy at Eun-jae’s answer, and he didn’t ask any more, citing grace. He just nodded his head as if giving up.

When I told him to call me if he was willing to do the cleaning, the laundry, or the dishes like an idiot, the man smiled faintly and told me to go.

how stupid was that

Looking back, my face kept blushing.

When I handed over the cell phone I received from him as I said my final goodbyes, the cell phone came back with an apology that I was sorry if it was rather unpleasant.

He said he didn’t know well that it would be useless if he got it back anyway.

Several scuffles ensued after that, but the man stubbornly refused to answer his phone.

“How am I supposed to use this?”

Eunjae let out a deep sigh as he spoke to himself.

All the way down the elevator, the man had a complicated mixture of emotions.

sorry, thank you, etc. However, it was not something to be swayed by such feelings and accept it.

Yes, nothing else, marriage.

“Good job, good job.”

That’s how I comforted myself and soothed my heavy heart.

It was just my heart. It was packaged well, but I wondered how it would be different from what was sold.

While I lowered my head for a moment, tears that I didn’t know when they were welling fell to my knees.

“Even if it wasn’t for that debt… … .”

I wouldn’t have been fired from a job I used to work for, and I wouldn’t have been chased around like this.

No more, no less, just normal… … .

What is easy for others, why is it so difficult for me?

The long-buried resentment towards my father rose again like smoke.

He said it’s been a while since he died.

I didn’t even know where I was living and what I was doing as I was a grown-up adult.

My father’s last appearance suddenly comes to mind.

With the promise to eat samgyetang tomorrow, that night when I squeezed a key chain with a teddy bear in the hand of a small Eun-jae. After that day, the father’s whereabouts became unclear.

While waiting for the bus, I managed to cut off the branch of resentment that kept growing. I know very well that it is useless.

Eunjae wiped her wet eyes with the back of her hand. As a habit, he tried to reach for the bear key chain hanging from his bag, but his hand felt empty and hesitated.

“uh? Where did you drop it?”

It’s a bit old key ring, so I dropped it in front of a man’s officetel a while ago, but I forgot to tighten the ring.

Eunjae quickly looked around. I walked back the way I had walked and looked for the key chain. Then, in the end, I came back to the officetel.

I entered the lobby and was scanning the front of the elevator.

The elevator door opened and I bumped into a man trying to get off. Eun-jae, who was bending over and sweeping the floor, lost her balance and rolled backwards.

Surprised, the man quickly reached out and raised Eun-jae up.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“no. I am sorry.”

The gaze of the man who was looking after his safety reached Eun-jae.

“… … Ji Eun-jae?”

Eunjae, who was brushing his ass, scratched his eyes for no reason. It was because a man I had never seen before called my name.

“who… … please?”

“Ah, it makes me sad again.”

The man scratches his eyebrows and makes a sad expression.

Come to think of it, it seems like someone I’ve seen somewhere.

Just as I was about to pry the man’s face with a slight frown, the man smiled brightly.

“I, Yoon Tae-gyu, don’t you remember?”

When the man recited the correct name, Eun-jae remembered the man from before.

“Ah, Yoon Tae-gyu.”

When Eun-jae recognized Tae-gyu, Tae-gyu greeted Eun-jae with a very happy face.

“Wow, Ji Eun-jae, right? I almost didn’t even notice, because you became so pretty.”

The man had a friendly face, but also an expression of doubt.

“No, Ji Eun-jae was pretty even in the past. What are you doing here?”

The man bent down and brought Eunjae to eye level. As their faces got closer, Eunjae stepped back.

“Wow, how do we meet here? Going crazy.”

Eun-jae was taken aback by Yoon Tae-gyu’s friendly greeting, as if they had just met yesterday.

Wasn’t it enough for you and me to greet each other like this?

Eun-jae answered Tae-gyu’s hand with a confused expression.

“Someone I know lives here.”

is someone you know Since when is that person someone you know, how many times have you seen them?

Eun-jae sighed and forcibly shook off the afterimage of him that had suddenly appeared.

The look that I encountered in a half-naked state. The cheeks that reflexively blushed were a bonus.

“okay?”

Yoon Tae-gyu smiled at Eun-jae’s words and came into view at a glance.

It’s possible that I didn’t even know it when I saw him in school uniform.

A white shirt with one button undone, a black tie that was loosely fastened, and a black jacket that was not fastened. The look overlapped strangely with the look in the school uniform.　

The youthful face had all been blown away, and the lines of the man had thickened. If I hadn’t noticed it first, I would have missed it.

“Do you live here too?”

“Ah, I… … .”

Tae-gyu scratched his head as if he was embarrassed and paused for a moment.

It seemed better not to mention that this was my grandfather’s building, that several of them belonged to me, and that I had just signed a rental contract for one of them.

“Someone I know lives here.”

“ah… … . yes, it was nice I’ll go.”

As Eun-jae smiled lightly and turned around, Tae-gyu hesitated for a moment before grabbing Eun-jae’s wrist.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“Oh, I have something urgent to do.”

Eun-jae refused, gently removing his wrist.

The words that it must be difficult because there are loan sharks nearby who are looking for me came from the tip of my throat.

And it’s not like you and I are sitting face to face and drinking coffee leisurely.

Only your appearance has changed, but you are the same. To smile and be interested in everyone.

Tae-gyu raised his eyebrows at Eun-jae’s words.

“okay? But your phone screen is broken.”

“what?”

Surprised by Tae-gyu’s words, Eun-jae took out his cell phone from his pocket.

At the same time, he thought he had been tricked, but he quickly snatched Eunjae’s cell phone.

Eun-jae’s eyes widened at what happened in an instant.

Ah, Yoon Tae-gyu is still the same.

Why is the cell phone screen in my pocket broken? Even if it’s broken, can you see the phone in your pocket?

The fact that he fell for Tae-gyu’s trick was only realized after he had already put the phone in his hand.

“what are you doing. Give it to me.”

“wait.”

Eun-jae tried to steal the cell phone from Tae-gyu’s hand, but Tae-gyu easily evaded Eun-jae and manipulated the cell phone.

It was because it was inconvenient to unlock the password, so I didn’t set it.

After a while, a bell rang somewhere. The ringing grew louder as he smiled contentedly and pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.

Tae-gyu, who slightly raised the corner of his mouth, handed Eun-jae his cell phone.

“Okay, take it.”

You have been famous since long ago, Yoon Tae-gyu.

“That’s my number.”

Tae-gyu and Eun-jae were high school classmates.

Tae-gyu and I were in the same class only once in the second year. I don’t remember ever having a conversation in private other than necessary conversations.

Yoon Tae-gyu was famous at school.

He had a smooth face, a good family, and a good personality, so he was popular. Regardless of the grade, it made the girls’ hearts flutter.

I didn’t know the principal’s name, but if I didn’t know Yoon Tae-gyu, I would be called a spy.

“You still haven’t broken that habit?”

“What habit?”

“No, that’s fine.”

It’s so natural that you don’t even know you got a phone number.

You did that before, you to me.

Even though it wasn’t the same phone, they lied and said it was the same model, asked if it was okay to look at it, and told them to call them as they like now and save your number.

Once to him a minute, a minute.

There were times when my heart went out.

Because I was mistaken that the phone number asked in this way had a different meaning.

I know you collected the phone numbers of the girls at my school that way. Wasn’t I one of them? You must have been just one of the female students passing by you like that.

Why are you making such a happy face?

“If you call, pick up.”

Why do I have to answer your call?

After hesitating for a moment, Eunjae replied.

“okay.”

Eun-jae, wondering what he would do if he hung up on the horse after seeing it today anyway, smiled as much as he could and answered positively.

“See you again.”

Yoon Tae-gyu laughed at those words and walked away.

Was Yun such a common surname, why is everyone I meet these days Yoon?

Hoping not to run into them again, Eun-jae, who confirmed that Tae-gyu had completely disappeared, also moved slowly.

Returning home, Eun-jae put down the fanny bag and looked at the place where the key chain had been for a while. In fact, it was a motel in a corner town that didn’t even have a home. It was the second place I moved to after the residence was discovered.

A key chain that has now become a memento of my father.

He was a bad father who left without leaving anything behind, and now only gave him a lot of debt.

That night was the day before my birthday.

Right before I fell asleep, I remembered what my dad had said as he placed a key chain with a teddy bear in my dreamy hand.

“Eunjae, where did you say you should start eating samgyetang?”

“From the inside! Dad, shall we eat samgyetang tomorrow?”

“Okay, let’s eat tomorrow.”

“It’s Eunjae’s birthday tomorrow. Promise!”

What is that key ring, what is that promise?

“I’d rather buy that child chicken. What is Samgyetang?”

was only four years old

Why did I still keep it? why do i still remember

Faith in my father, and regret for not being able to do it.

The key chain was an object that contained such abstract things to me.

When I look at and touch that teddy bear keychain, it reminds me of my dad’s friendly face, and my nose frowns for some reason, and I only think of the things he’s done well for me, so… … .

“It’s better.”

As if trying to hold back the tears that were about to rise, Eunjae pressed down on the bridge of her nostrils and buried her face in the blanket.

Memories of my father who drove me to the edge of the cliff, lingering feelings, and trust.

Maybe we can cut them all off this opportunity.

please i wish i could

A quiet living room in the dark.

Sunwoo’s slippers dragged helplessly across the cold marble floor. Sunwoo, who was wandering aimlessly in the living room, threw himself on the sofa.

As I slowly closed my eyes, the woman’s words floated in the air.

“I know it sounds pretty funny for my subject. Marriage might be a business for them, but not for me. I never thought of it that way.”

“I haven’t lived a normal life, but if I do that until marriage… … Because I feel like I’m really being sold, right? With that in mind, I will decline this offer.”

Eun-hye or something like that is an excuse, he was someone who was unconditionally needed.

From the moment I touched her hand, from the moment I felt that her touch was different from others, I thought it was the last opportunity given to me.

I don’t know anything else, but I think it’s certain that she and I are in a position where we’re just barely holding on every day, waiting for someone to come to save us from hanging on to the edge of a cliff.

“Sorry, I don’t think this is.

My heart ached as I recalled the last expression of the woman who had died.

“Yeah, but you know it’s not like this.”

I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t know you, how could I give up when I already knew that people like you exist.

There was a sense of being more impatient and hasty because of the time wasted while watching the match.

Should I have met him a little more and approached him slowly to get a crush on him?

I wonder what’s the use of regretting now.

Seonwoo looked back at what the woman had said.

Was it because he said he would pay off the debt instead? Or was it because of the word business?

Actually, I was the one who didn’t want that kind of marriage more than anyone else. So, would it have been different if I had been a little more honest with myself that I was looking for someone like you?

no.

What the woman said was definitely a marriage with ‘love’.

what i can’t do

What you can’t do no matter how hard you try.

“What love to my subjects.”

My head was pounding at the thought that I had to continue that damn encounter.

I was thirsty.

Seonwoo, who brushed his bangs up and let out a long sigh, got up and headed to the kitchen.

On his way to the kitchen, something caught on Sunwoo’s foot. I lowered my head and looked down at it.

It was a key chain with a brown bear the size of a palm.

Sunwoo bent down to pick up the item and stared at the key chain. There was no doubt that it was something unfamiliar that I had seen somewhere.

“Where did you see it?”

The number of people who came to Seonwoo’s house was extremely limited. Seonwoo’s mother, or Mrs. Bonga who brings side dishes every day.

and that woman.

After standing there for a while, Seon-wu fiddled with the key chain, then put the key chain on the table and draped a jacket over his shoulder.

It was the beginning of a hard day.