Chapter 83 - Who Am I To You?

Muyeol’s eyes snapped up. And then his gaze fell onto the contour of her leg. His eyes travelled up, past her knee and thighs, and his breaths grew heavy. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her. The burning instinct to touch her legs hit him, and his entire body throbbed along with his hammering heart.

“Working in the ER with a panic disorder is career suicide, and it could put the patients in danger, too. Medications for the panic disorder can’t prevent the attacks completely, so I’ll take a break from work until I can trust myself with treating patients. I don’t want to make a mistake,” Yiyoung went on, completely oblivious to the thoughts in Muyeol’s head.

His heart felt like it was going to explode, and it felt as if his breaths measured at 200°F.

‘Would she kiss me again if my heart exploded?’ he thought.

He couldn’t believe he was having such lustful thoughts. When had he crossed that boundary with her? In the first place, was there ever a boundary between them? However, even if the answer was yes, Muyeol wanted to ignore it.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped, overcome with the want to have her. He grew curious; did Yiyoung want to have him, too?

Yiyoung’s voice turned sheepish, “But you know, I’m scared to be alone now. I didn’t used to be like this before, but living with you changed things. I changed because of you.”

Muyeol stared at her as she finished speaking, his eyes somehow looking numbingly cold yet fiery at the same time.

Yiyoung grew flustered under his gaze. “I learned how to rely on someone, and how warm it feels to live with someone else. Now I know how fun it is to have someone to talk to. I had been starving myself of such ordinary things, and I only realized that after living with you. Now that I know the difference, I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Yiyoung enjoyed spending time with Muyeol. She wanted to talk to him, even if it meant staying up after a tiresome day at work. Who would have thought that deep down, she was a chatterbox? It was then she realized that all this time, she had been desperate for the warmth of talking to someone. That all this time, she had wanted for someone to be a part of her life. And this realization was only possible because of Muyeol. It was he who was constantly fulfilling every need of hers.

So now, she was interested in being in a relationship with him, even if he was an eunuch. She wanted to know whether she was important to him. If she was, then in what way was she important?

But a relationship wouldn’t happen simply because she thought about it. Obviously, his decision mattered.

“So, what do I have to do to not let you be alone?” asked Muyeol.

Yiyoung instantly smiled, responding without any hesitation. “I want to be in a romantic relationship with you.”

“I don’t know how,” he responded brusquely.

Yiyoung almost lost her courage at his bluntness, but she refused to give up. “It’s not going to be hard. Just be as you are.”

“That’s impossible.”

Yiyoung raised a brow in annoyance. “Are you going to keep spoiling our chances?

“Just tell me the things I can do.”

“Once I get discharged, spend some time with me. Have at least one meal with me everyday. And I’ve never been abroad, so bring me on business trips with you. I don’t even have a passport.”

“And?”

“And I want to sleep with you. You saw me naked, so I want to see you naked, too.”

Muyeol’s lips pursed into a smile, finding her demand funny.

“You never know who might stab me in the future, so I don’t want to die pure,” Yiyoung added.

“So you want me to make you impure?”

Yiyoung’s eyes widened, but soon scrunched up into a smile at the joke. Her excitement grew, and she felt bold enough to poke her chest with her toe. “You could only put it that way? Couldn’t you have spoken with some dignity?”

“Then you say it with dignity first,” Muyeol snarked.

Yiyoung hummed. “If you can’t get it up, then you should study on how to make me enjoy it.

Muyeol chuckled, and Yiyoung found it enjoyable. There was this energy in his laugh that filled her with courage.

“So basically, you just want me to fulfill your desires,” said Muyeol, barely managing to hold back his laughter.

“Yeah,” Yiyoung admitted, “That’s exactly what I meant.”

“Right now?”

“W-what?” Yiyoung suddenly hid her face with her hands.

‘I’m crazy! What did I just say? This isn’t like me at all. How could I be bold enough to talk like that? I must be out of my mind to say all that, and I’m not even wearing my pants! Crazy! I’m crazy! Absolutely crazy!’

Suddenly, she felt something hot press on her leg. She took a deep breath as she saw the source of the warmth.

Muyeol kissed her calf, slowly putting her ankles in the pants for her. Yiyoung gasped as he began to kiss his way up her leg, slipping the pant legs after himself all the while.

“Stand up,” Muyeol ordered.

Yiyoung mutely obeyed. As she felt the pants slide past her knees and onto her thighs, she closed her eyes, feeling dizzy. His kisses were getting higher and higher. Deep inside her, she felt a tingle.

“Can I get discharged now?” Yiyoung asked in a low voice.

“Yes,” Muyeol replied.

She heard him stand up, but she didn’t open her eyes, waiting for his next move. When she felt him wrap a hand around her waist, her heart began to race. He tugged her close to him, her chest pressing against his.