When I Loved You

“I think, that when I wrapped those candies, I used to tell myself that it was okay, and that that year was not so different from the year before,” she had said.

“Oh, I see.”

“You have no idea how much time I spent choosing the candies, and how much time I spent wrapping the candies.”

Muyeol had wisely chosen to remain silent.

“It was a good thing the kids accepted them. You couldn’t even imagine how nervous I was when I first moved to the school. If they hadn’t accepted them, I wouldn’t have been able to adjust to the new environment.”

Sometimes, Muyeol liked that Yiyoung was oblivious to some of his plans. She didn’t know what he had done. Yiyoung was a lovely person indeed. Muyeol’s lips automatically lifted into a smile.

Jiyoon glanced at Muyeol. “Why are you laughing?”

“Just because… I was thinking of your mother.”

Jiyoon sat down next to him, looking like she wanted to say something.

“Dad,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“When you first met her, did you know you would marry her?”

Muyeol raised his head and faced Jiyoon. When Jiyoon’s face suddenly reddened, he immediately knew why she had asked him such a question.

‘This must be her first love,’ he thought.

“I didn’t know then, but I knew it later,” Muyeol said, continuing to wrap the candies.

“Did you like her from the beginning?”

“I realized it later, but yes, I liked her from the beginning.”

“Really? Since the very beginning?”

“Yes, since the very beginning.”

Jiyoon’s face flushed even more, her lips trembling. As he looked at her, Muyeol realized how fast she was growing, and felt slightly empty inside. He was weak toward his daughter.

“Do you think I could be like that, too?” she asked.

Jiyoon must really like this boy, probably much more than what Muyeol knew. He’d never seen her talk like this. As he pondered over it, he found that he could not think that it was too early for Jiyoon to feel this way considering that he had met Yiyoung when he was thirteen years old as well.

“That would depend on how hard you try,” Muyeol finally said.

“But, I’m embarrassed. Even these candies… I feel stupid. I know I just need to tell him I like him, and I also know I could give the candies only to him, but I’m not doing that because I’m worried about him rejecting me.”

“So what? It’s okay. This is a good start, too.”

“What if someone else confesses her feelings to him before I do? I think I would be mad.”

It was interesting to listen to Jiyoon. And it was amazing how she knew exactly what she was feeling. Muyeol and Yiyoung wanted to have an ordinary family, so they had tried to confidently let their children understand how they felt about themselves, and let them express the same to their parents.

Muyeol suddenly remembered what Yiyoung had said before, “Because we’re good parents, we’ll make it. We’re helping them honestly tell us their feelings so that they can say yes or no depending on their preferences.”

The compliments Yiyoung paid to themselves always made Muyeol feel good.

“We’re going to let our children learn how to think reasonably as they grow up. So we’re good parents.”

Yiyoung was right about them being good parents. They were trying their best to create an ordinary family. So Muyeol said, “If you think there’s a chance of that happening, then you should have courage.”

Jiyoon pouted, but Muyeol smiled and added, “Would it be better to be embarrassed once, or to keep being jealous in the future?”

“I don’t know…”

“You’ll never know if you don’t do it.”

Jiyoon wrapped her face with both hands. “I don’t know if I’m courageous enough to handle the embarrassment.”

“You will know whether you have the courage once that day comes. Then you’ll know whether you’d rather be embarrassed or continuously be jealous.”

“Will I, really?”

“You will.”

They continued talking after that. Fortunately, Joonho only woke up after everything was done.