Those years when I was Cannon fodder

Anxiety

"Doctor Xu is the only one she trusts," Chu Yu whispered under her breath, her heart heavy with understanding. It wasn't just about her medical expenses being withheld; it was something far more significant.

The scene from that time played in her mind, a chaotic whirlwind of emotions and uncertainty. While Third Madam's suspicions were not entirely unfounded, the consequence was losing the privilege of monthly check-ups at Qinglan Yuan.

Chu Yu recalled her mother's words, echoing in her thoughts: "Place your trust solely in Doctor Xu." She understood why. Doctor Xu couldn't be swayed by the deceitful schemes of those in the Lord's Manor's shadows; his integrity and skill set him apart from other physicians.

The loss of those ordinary medical resources didn't seem like a significant setback anymore.

...

"What happened last night? You look pale and preoccupied," Mr. Mo's expression turned serious, a rare sight in the classroom.

Chu Yu forced a bitter smile. "Sir, I had a restless night, haunted by vivid nightmares."

In truth, it wasn't just a nightmare; it was the relentless analysis and torment over the information she had gathered—a matter of life and death. She had tossed and turned, battling anxiety and fear until exhaustion finally allowed her a few moments of restless sleep.

"A mere nightmare," Mr. Mo's features softened, his concern evident. He chose not to pry further into the specifics of her distress. "Since you're not in the mood for new content, practice calligraphy instead."

In her previous life, Chu Yu hadn't delved into the art of calligraphy, but she had heard that practicing strokes and characters had a calming effect on the mind. She cleared her thoughts, abandoning the overthinking that plagued her, and focused on the graceful strokes in front of her.

At the end of the class, Mr Mo looked at the large characters she had painstakingly written and nodded in satisfaction. "Review your previous lessons today. Tomorrow I will test your progress."

As Mr Mo left, Chu Yu's thoughts shifted to the Third Madam and Qingyu, who had ventured into the backyard to reclaim the land - the land that contained the remnants of the medicinal substances. Panic surged through her.

She hurried over there. Although the fields Third Madam and Qingyu had opened were still some distance away from the Purple Leaf Tree, their intention was to reclaim the entire backyard, as Third Madam had mentioned during the meal.

The medicinal residue... it would be buried or destroyed, erasing all traces. The dosage of amaryllis was minuscule, barely detectable, and would blend seamlessly into the soil, avoiding any suspicion. The evidence would disappear.

Chu Yu retreated slowly, leaving the courtyard in silence. She had to find her father, the City Lord. It was imperative for her plan to locate Doctor Xu before the medicinal residue was completely erased. She had to uncover the truth, expose the one who was lying.

Her sense of direction guided her, memories of being carried to her father's before allowing her to remember the way. However, a lingering worry remained - the Third Madam might notice her absence and descend into madness once more.

Chu Yu reassured herself, "I can't dwell on that. I'll simply say I long to see my father."

...

Chu Yu found herself standing in the backyard garden, knowing that walking through it would lead her to the front courtyard—where her father often resided. She estimated the time, hiding her impatience behind a calm facade, while her anxiety bubbled inside.

Suddenly she spotted a maid tending the flowers and pruning the branches. Chu Yu approached her, hoping for some assistance.

The maid recognised her immediately and curtsied respectfully. "Third Miss."

Chu Yu's heart skipped a beat. "I want to see my father. Can you help me deliver a message to him?"

The maid's eyes sparkled with recognition, a peculiar intensity shining through her gaze. She responded eagerly, "Miss, please speak. I shall ensure your message reaches him."

A faint smile touched Chu Yu's lips. It seemed another woman had fallen under her father's spell, gazing at him with the adoration of a fangirl worshipping her beloved star. It was more likely that this maid would successfully deliver her message, swayed by her own admiration.

Pretending not to notice the maid's infatuation, Chu Yu spoke with hopeful anticipation. "I long for my father's presence, but my mother forbids me to visit the front yard. Can you ask him to meet me tomorrow at the neighbouring Qingnan Garden? I can join him there after my morning lessons.

The maid hesitated for a moment before revealing her true intentions. "Miss, if I deliver such a message, Master might not believe me."

Chu Yu's mouth twitched. Over the years, her father seemed to have fallen victim to various women's tricks, and even a mere gardener knew his ways. There had to be a motive for the maid's eagerness, most likely a desire for some form of evidence.

Without hesitation, Chu Yu removed an accessory from her waist and handed it to the maid. "This is a birthday present from my father. Give it to him and he will understand my longing to see him."

The young maid gently cradled the gift, treating it as a precious treasure, her face reflecting an expression of intimacy with her idol.

Chu Yu thought to herself, her father certainly had a knack for attracting attention. Still, she smiled and said, "Thank you, sister. You are truly beautiful, and your help means the world to me. Father will no doubt reward you."

"Thank you, Third Miss!"

Observing the excitement and the strange gleam in the maid's eyes, Chu Yu realised that she hadn't deceived her entirely. Monthly rewards would be a form of gratitude, for her father's wealth was considerable. He could afford to hire a private tutor for her at the exorbitant rate of three hundred gold per month. It was safe to assume that her other two sisters' education was even more extravagant.

The decision to meet in the adjoining deserted courtyard of Qingnan Garden, rather than have her father come directly to Qinglan Garden, was Chu Yu's subtle stratagem. She feared that if she mentioned going to Qinglan Garden, her father's dislike of the Third Lady would cause delays of over half a month.

Of course, even by suggesting the neighbouring garden, Chu Yu had little hope of actually seeing her father the next day. It would take time for the maid to contact him, and her father undoubtedly had pressing matters that demanded his attention - preventing him from constantly lingering in the lord's manor.

However, as the days passed without a glimpse of her father's figure next door, Chu Yu's frequent observations of the neighbouring courtyard caught the Third Madam's attention.

Under the warm, gentle sunlight, past the zenith of midday, Third Madam's nimble fingers danced over an embroidery frame as she inquired curiously, "Xiaoyuer, what is it that attracts your attention? What lies beyond these walls?"

Chu Yu had long prepared an answer. "Mother and Qing Auntie are reclaiming the backyard and intend to cultivate a large field of herbs. I, too, want a piece of land to call my own."

"But being young and inexperienced, I am afraid of ruining the precious soil. So I thought, since the neighbouring farm has been abandoned for years, why not plant a small patch there? I can also learn the art of growing herbs from Mother.

The Third Madam furrowed her brow. "This courtyard has been abandoned for who knows how long. If you wish to grow herbs, I can provide you with space in the back yard. There's no need to venture into the neighbouring yard."

(End of this chapter)