Shanghai Jiamu

When school started again, I was in my third year of middle school and Xu Jiamu started his last senior year. Our chatting time gradually decreased but occasionally we would still chat a few times during the holidays. This kind of online friendship continued until the second semester.

The day before his college entrance examination, I was very nervous. I was nervous for Xu Jiamu. I knew the state of his studies too well, so I made sure not to bother him too much before the exam.

Afraid of disturbing his review, I deliberately waited until the time he might be asleep to send him a WeChat message.

Utopia: “Uncle Tie Niu, do your best tomorrow.”

I was a little surprised when Xu Jiamu replied almost immediately.

Huangfu Tie Niu: “Not doing my best.”

I frowned; why was he talking nonsense.

He rejected my WeChat call, I called again, he hung up and I called again. The situation was ridiculously similar to when my parents were arguing that night.

He finally picked up in the end.

“Cuihua, leave me alone, I really don’t want to take this exam.” I have never heard him sound this depressed before, I got angry when I heard this sentence.

“Xu Jiamu, what nonsense are you saying! Just tell me what happened.”

He stayed silent for a long time before finally telling me what happened. He told his parents at dinner that he wanted to choose the foreign language major and wanted to go to Shanghai. His parents did not agree, and pushed him to choose the computer science major, saying that it is better for his future.

His anger erupted as soon as he heard it. They had obviously agreed with his decision when they talked about it before how could they change their decision at this moment. Then after arguing and reasoning with them without success, he simply ran out.

I took a deep breath and felt for the first time that he was actually really childish.

“Xu Jiamu, are you sick?”

“You don’t want your future just for such a trivial matter?”

“What about all those years you spent going to school? Are you going to let all that effort go down the drain? Your parents don’t agree with your choice so you’re going to make sure they don’t get their wish too?  Are you that childish? Can’t you wait until the exam is over to discuss which major you’re choosing again? And plus, don’t you still have a month to make them change their decision?”

The other end of the phone was silent, and he probably realized that his impulsiveness has gotten him into a difficult situation, he’s probably thinking about what to do now.

“Listen to me Xu Jiamu, go home right now. it’s already too late to review anything, just go to sleep first. Get up early tomorrow and read your notes then.”

I heard the rustling of the fabric from his end.

I listened to him in silence as he walked home, neither of us spoke, only when we were about to hang up did I hear his voice.

“I’m sorry, little school tyrant.”

The guilt in his voice was obvious. I know he didn’t feel guilty for running out. He told me before that he never regretted any decision he made. He was saying sorry for wasting my time when I was supposed to be studying for my own exam.

“Xu Jiamu, you don’t need to say sorry to me.”

Xu Jiamu, even if you don’t regret it now, you should be sorry for yourself.

After that day, I was an inexplicable cold war with him. At least that was what I thought so. I didn’t ask him how he did in the test, and he didn’t tell me what it was like to take the college entrance examination.

This continued until the day before the graduation ceremony when college entrance examinations were over. I was taking a last look at my phone before going to bed that night and the person who hasn’t contacted for a long time, sent me a message.

Huangfu Tie Niu: “Do you have the graduation ceremony tomorrow?”

I pursed my lips, I thought about ignoring his message, but since he has bowed his head, I will give him face; not that I really want to chat with him really.

Utopia: “En, are you coming to see our teacher?”

Huangfu Tie Niu: “Yes”

Utopia: “Are you coming alone?”

Huangfu Tie Niu: “There are a few more people, you have seen them, the ones I came with last time.”

Utopia: “Oh, yeah you can come, all the teacher will be there tomorrow.”

Huangfu Tie Niu: “Let’s meet up then?”

Utopia: “Okay.”

Out of nowhere he sent me a quote from a romance novel I read a long time ago. When I told him about that novel, he was very disdainful at that time, saying he would never read a romance novel again in his life. I didn’t know he read it later.

I have forgotten the exact quote, I just remember that it was something like “Summer is too short, we should use this time to eat some watermelons, drink Coke, go swimming and sing, instead of wasting our time arguing or fighting cold wars.” Something like that.

“Don’t you think it’s romantic?”

“It’s so romantic.”

We sent it out at the same time.

At that moment, I felt the last little bit of anger in my heart dissipated, it was replaced by a great sense of satisfaction and happiness.

It was getting very late, so after a few more sentences, we went offline.

At that time, I was already well prepared for the exam. I didn’t need to cram as hard as I did in my second year of junior high so I already had the courage to meet him. I tossed and turned in bed and couldn’t fell sleep, looking forward to meeting him tomorrow.

It was very late when I finally fell asleep but I was in good spirits the next day.

From the moment I stepped inside my classroom, I looked outside the school gate from time to time. The figure I was looking forward to has never appeared. I was a little regretful I didn’t ask him what time he was coming when we were chatting last night.

I sat in my seat and listened to the principal’s speech which I knew was a manuscript copied from Baidu. It was a boring generic speech yet it still made my eyes sore. After leaving this school today, everyone will really have to part. After all, we have been together for three years, I also can’t bear to part with my classmates for sure. Many sensitive girls have long been in tears at this point.

My classmates weren’t really studious students. I was the only one who wrote down No.1 High School as my first choice, which means I will be going to a new school by myself. Thinking about it this way makes me feel even sadder.

When we were taking the graduation photo, I stood in the far corner. I didn’t want to fight for the middle position. I just kept wondering if Xu Jiamu lied about coming to see me.

This thought didn’t last long, because I saw Xu Jiamu as soon as I got off the stage.

He was wearing a gray sweater and black overalls, standing under the willow tree, smiling at me until his eyes bent into crescents, and I was stunned. I’ve always wanted to see him, but I was a little timid at this moment.

Do boys grow up so fast? Why do I feel that he is more handsome and taller every time I see him?

He waved at me, “Why aren’t you coming over yet, Cuihua.”

I walked towards him, my pace slowly turned in a jog, and finally almost flew towards him.

I didn’t dare to speak, I just looked at him with bright eyes.

“Why are you in such a hurry,” Xu Jiamu raised his hand and rubbed my head, he handed me the thing in his hand, “Well, I didn’t bring any flowers but this is for you.”

It was a bracelet made of wicker. It was very ugly. I knew he was definitely not good at handicrafts.

But I still liked it very much, I carefully put it on my wrist, “Does it look good?” I raised my hand and asked him.

He nodded, smiling softly.

Xu Jiamu, I made money later and bought a lot of bracelets, but no matter how famous the brand was or no matter how bright the diamonds were, they were not as good as the wicker bracelet you gave me. It’s just that wicker will eventually wither, even if I took good care of it every day, I couldn’t keep it in the end.

“Are you free after the graduation ceremony?”

“Yeah, I’m going home.”

His classmates on the side called him over; they were going to see the teacher.

He nodded at them, then turned to me and said, “Little school tyrant, how are you getting home after school?”

I guessed something, and my heart beat like a drum, “Taking the bus.”

“Which station?”

“The Terminal.”

“What a coincidence, I also need to go there, let’s go together?”

“Okay.”

Xu Jiamu left after saying see you later. I stood there and watched him walk away. His classmates looked at me and him teasingly. He waved his hand as if he was explaining something.

I can guess how he replied, “It’s just a little sister I knew from online.”

My happy mood suddenly turned a little depressed. I was too young; I could only be his little sister.

But Xu Jiamu, I’m greedy, I don’t want to be just your little sister. Actually, I don’t usually go to the terminal to take the bus. I’m too lazy and always think it’s too far, but I knew where you’re going. I was afraid of missing this opportunity to be with you again, so I’ll walk no matter how far it was, the further the better.

After the graduation ceremony, I asked Xu Jiamu where he was. He told me to wait for him for a while, saying he’ll be there right away. I stood at the school gate and watched my former classmates leave the school gate, and my eyes became sour.

“Little school tyrant!” It was Xu Jiamu calling me.

When I turned around, he was already in front of me.

“Here you are.” Xu Jiamu handed me something, it was a cup of milk tea.

I looked at him in surprise, “Why did you buy this for me?”

“Didn’t you say that you haven’t had milk tea for a long time because you were studying and didn’t have time to go out to play?”

I just remembered that I had complained to him about it the other night.

“This is the one bad thing about our school. The milk tea shop is so far away, it almost killed me.” He looked nonchalant. Obviously, he didn’t think it was a big deal but I was very moved, the feeling of being remembered by others is really good.

When Xu Jiamu and I were walking to the station, it was him doing the talking mostly along the way. I sipped my milk tea and occasionally replied to him.

Xu Jiamu, I actually hate the pearls in milk tea but because you bought it for me, I don’t want to waste it at all.

I took small sips and my pace was very slow. I knew that this pace would make him a little uncomfortable, but I selfishly wanted him to endure it for a while. I wanted to stay with him a little longer.

But no matter how slow I go; this road has an end. Maybe I have used up all my good luck today. His bus came just after we arrived at the station.

When I was queuing with him, he suddenly said to me.

“Little school tyrant, in addition to seeing the teacher today, I also came to congratulate you on your graduation.”

Perhaps because the sun was shining brightly that day and that he happened to be standing with his back to the sun; when he looked at me, a halo shrouded his whole body.

Xu Jiamu smiled lightly. At that moment, I saw my reflection in his dark brown pupils; my bangs were a bit messy and I looked dumbfounded.

“Little school tyrant, happy graduation.”

He said those words and got into the bus, leaving me alone in a daze, not recovering until the bus was about to leave. He was sitting in the single seat by the window and was about to put on his headphones.

“Xu Jiamu!”

I jogged a few steps, afraid that the bus might drive away.

He looked at me with some doubts in his eyes.

The sentence was stuck in my throat, I have to admit, I was very scared, I was afraid that I might not even be the little sister in his eyes from now on, I was afraid that he would not share interesting quotes he read in the future with me. I was afraid I won’t have the opportunity to say “how romantic” with him after we read something.

“… remember to tell me when the results of the college entrance examination are out!”

He laughed, “Yeah, you too.”

I watched the bus drove away, his window closing.

Xu Jiamu, wait a little longer, wait until I’m not your little sister anymore.