PLEASE DON'T READ IT

"Then...Goodbye, Sensei ... "

Xi waved goodbye to Li Yuan.

Li Yuan only smiled.

In Xi's heart, he was still reluctant to let Li Yuan return to Shanghai.

But, Xi feels unworthy to say everything in his heart.

So, Xi has forgotten and throw away the tightness in his c.h.e.s.t.

He chose not to say anything.

Even though the feeling of tightness in his c.h.e.s.t was getting worse.

***

Xi has returned to Li Yuan's Apartment. He drove a car owned by Li Yuan which had been used to take Li Yuan to Zhengzhou airport.

The apartment felt rather quiet. There were no more voices of Li Yuan singing merrily in the song "The cutest rabbit in the world" like a few days ago.

Xi has learned that the feeling of turmoil and tightness has made him even more empty.

Xi's mind was chaotic.

After the betrayal of Yang Jie and Chu Yana.

Li Yuan, a girl who is trusted by Xi, will also leave.

He can't say anything. In fact, after the plane on board, Li Yuan had taken off.

Maybe if it was film and drama, maybe people thought that Xi would run like a mad dog chasing the plane that took off.

However, in this world, there will be some people who cannot express what they feel and think about.

These people be quiet because they do not know what they feel and they feel unworthy to say what they really want.

So, they choose not to say anything and not express anything.

Have you not seen your own mother? Your mother chooses not to express what your mother has thought and what she has felt for your father.

Basically, your mother has kept her happy and keep the happiness of you and your sister.

If at some point your mother says everything. Then the happiness that you have to live with your mother and father as a whole family will disappear.

So, your mother has kept the happiness that you have had for a long time. Although, I will tell you that happiness is false and not real.

Happiness given by your mother is not eternal. There will be no happiness that comes from the lies your mother has chosen so far.

Maybe, this will sound unfair.

All humans choose false ones even though they know that falsehood will not last for a long time. The falsehood will crack and break when their hearts cannot withstand all kinds of suffering and pain they have felt.

So, one day your mother will walk at the end point where the road will be cut off. That road will make your mother cry because she does not have a new path to maintain your happiness.

That is the happiness that your mother has chosen.

That is the happiness that your mother has given.

So, I will remind you now. That there will be a point where you will lose the happiness that your mother has given you so far. Because there is a time there will be a time when your mother will find a dead-end and broken path. So that your mother will not have a way to save your happiness.

That will make your happiness disappear like burning paper.

Your happiness will turn to ashes.

***

Xi sits on the couch while watching television whose channels are constantly changing in just seconds.

Xi will always do it repeatedly.

He felt pressured for a reason about the tightness in his c.h.e.s.t and his heartache.

Xi looked around the room was really neat and clean.

Li Yuan is a cleaning girl and always pays little attention to details. Xi can see it from the arrangement of bookshelves arranged neatly and grouped by title with the sequential alphabet.

Li Yuan also placed several foreign-language books on different shelves.

Li Yuan is also a person who prefers to do cleaning work done by herself or she will ask Xi to come to do work that he cannot do such as lifting furniture from the lower floor of the apartment building to the top floor where his apartment room is located.

After Xi goes around the parts of the room starting from the room, reading room, dining room, and kitchen. Xi found and concluded that Legal Loli was storing too many doll collections "The cutest rabbit in the world." That's the size and height is not too big about 10-30 centimeters. Li Yuan places the dolls inside the neatly arranged glass cabinet.

Although, Xi often came to this place he had never even explored this girl's room. So, Xi has thought that exploring the real places is privacy for some people.

The dolls have at least pink and white cotton. It was quite cute and under Li Yuan who was too fond of the character "Popo". The main character in the children's animated film was quite loved at that time. Maybe it was about fifteen years ago.

On the table, there is a straw hat that Li Yuan always wears to travel when the weather is rather hot. The size of the hat is not too wide, it has a diameter that can be said to be quite under the shape of the fan girl's head "The Cutest rabbit in the world."

Xi just sighed.

He recalled the times they were together.

Xi also remembers when Li Yuan made it a joke with a plate of red bean cake in it already filled with spicy red chili which even had a spicy flavor more than twice as spicy as the original dish from Shincuan.

Xi did not understand that the girl put chili into a filling in his favorite food.

At that time Xi remembered that for several days he had an abnormal defecation routine.

Until finally Li Yuan came to Xi and put eyes on a puppy that made Xi not have the heart to extend their dispute.

Xi does not know for sure the reason he will always end up forgiving Li Yuan.

Even though he didn't make a mistake, he would say "sorry" if he felt Li Yuan's treatment of him was cold.

Xi remembers when he and Chu Yana returned from a trip to climb Mount Song. It only takes a few days. Xi and Chu Yana had an appointment to climb the mountain without inviting Li Yuan to join.

However, after Xi returned an excuse to make Li Yuan cold and did not want to talk to Xi. Li Yuan even avoided Xi for a few days.

Li Yuan didn't even want to see Xi when they were seeing each other in the corridor leading to the lecture hall. Li Yuan will always look away at Xi.

That made Xi feel uncomfortable with Li Yuan's treatment of him. So, Xi follows Li Yuan like a stalker and prostrates then apologizes to Li Yuan.

Xi remembers Li Yuan's words at that time.

The girl said.

"I have seen some stupid people on vacation while he forgets to invite someone and does not give news and does not include a girl whom he considers his beloved teacher and mentor. Is that person really shameless, so he makes love with his girlfriend and leave the teacher alone here with so many piles of research doc.u.ments piling up? I hope that the devoted student won't do the same thing the fool did, right?. Am I saying right, beloved student? "

For a reason, expression and eyes of Li Yuan are like an old wife left by her husband who honeymooned with a young wife.

Li Yuan's words and expressions had made Xi rather scared. Xi believes that the Tsundere girl actually felt jealousy and was eager to take part in the journey of lovers to climb the mountain.

So, Xi can only say "sorry" to Li Yuan because he has not invited the girl to the mountain climb that Xi and Chu Yana have done.

The girl has become part of Xi. Unconsciously the fussy and stingy girl becomes an important part of Xi's life.

So, when Li Yuan said that her family would plan an engagement Xi immediately felt some parts of his heart disappear.

So that he felt was a feeling of long emptiness.

I don't know, people will tend to have the same things and feel the same.

People will feel miss a troublemaker when the troublemaker is disappeared. Because the troublemaker has become a small part of their lives. All the accusations, ignorance and carelessness of the troublemaker became a common thing in that person's life.

I still remember when the man always revealed the same thing to the little girl. The man will always say

"I love you, will you be my girlfriend?"

He will continue to say the same thing even after the girl sent a murderer to the man.

One hundred times saying the same love confession is a shame. However, it at least touched a little of the parts and pieces that the girl had.

Although the man did not hear the answer he wanted so far.

I remember the man's words and that was the first honest words I heard in eternity that I had.

The man said.

"I did not get the answer I wanted from the girl I loved ... I felt that the small parts convinced me that I had touched a little of the girl's heart ..."

"I'm quite happy what I've done so far has touched a little of her feelings ... "

"I feel thrilled that the things I've been doing have made She see me now ... But, I feel ... I feel ... and I choose not to see the girl cry because I have touched a little part of her heart ..."

"Because for some reason it makes me sad ... I prefer to see the girl leave me and go with the man she loves rather than crying because she just realized that she loved me ... though, I will get hurt and feel uncomfortable seeing the happiness they have ... "

"I hope it all happens ... "

"I hope that I will not die and leave the girl who just loved me ..."

"I'm afraid of dying ... then losing all that ... losing all my feelings to her ... losing my memory for her ..."

The man is just staring at me.

His eyes cannot cover and lie to his sadness.

He smiled at me.

"I hope it all happens ... but, I can't lie to myself ... that I also want to be chosen by that girl ... I also want her to choose me and live happily with her for a long time"

I can remember the man in tears.

The man has lived and continues to live expressing the same thing. In different lives and different names.

But, do you know, kid?

When I told the man that I could bring him back to life. I will give him another opportunity to make him chosen by the person he loves.

The man just smiled wryly and answered.

"I thought it was an interesting offer ... but, I ended it all ... I think it's time for me to stop repeating the story and become the main character in the story for you ..."

"I'm kind of tired of loving that girl ..."

The man just smiled bitterly at me.

His smile is the smile I've always seen.

A smile of a man has stood on a dead end.

But, I chose not to erase the man's soul.

So that I will be able to tell this story to you.

I can understand and accept the answer from the man. That is the end point of the story that I always repeat.