Pandora’s Box

Besides, I was still too weak. While listening to Zhuo Wenyang gently speaking to me, my eyelids became heavier and heavier and my consciousness gradually drifted away.

I was having nightmares again.

I was not surprised or unfamiliar with this nightmare, but it still caused me great pain.

I couldn’t move, sobbing as if I was left for slaughter. I was blinded with darkness in front of my eyes. The person’s face pressing down on me was blurred, but the physical touch was felt clearly.

All of this was disturbing and terrifying.

The only thing I could do was tell myself over and over again:

This is a dream. This will end. It will pass.

When I finally broke free from my nightmare, my eyes instantly shot open and my heart was still beating erratically.

Then I saw a familiar face, but not what I expected.

Meeting my gaze, Cheng Yi Chen appeared relieved.

“Are you awake?”

I couldn’t help but asked, “Did I sleep for too long?”

It couldn’t be like last time when I woke up, turning over an entire calendar within a blink of an eye, right?

“No,” he was a little embarrassed, “I’m just a little scared…”

“Are you scared that I will fall asleep and never wake up? Hahaha,” I comforted him, “But no, I’ve had enough sleep.”

He smiled, his expression slightly loosened up.

“Where’s Zhuo Wenyang?”

“I saw him dozing off while sitting here, so I persuaded him to go rest up,” Cheng Yi Chen replied, “He has been working hard everyday for a while so when you woke up, he felt relieved. So it’s his turn to get a good night of sleep.”

So Zhuo Wenyang had been doing the same as them, watching over me?

I couldn’t help but felt happy again when I thought of this.

Cheng Yi Chen looked at me carefully and cautiously said, “You seem to be in a good mood.”

I smiled pleasantly, “Mhm.”

“That’s good,” he whispered, “It looked like you were in pain when you were sleeping just now. I was a little worried.”

“Ah, I just had a nightmare.”

“What nightmare?”

“…..” I could only say, “I dreamt, dreamt that there was a car accident.”

His face tightened and the circle of his eyes reddened, as he said hoarsely, “Aiy, poor child…”

I quickly replied, “It’s all right! It’s all over!”

I was actually a bit perplexed. Although I didn’t have much contact with Cheng Yi Chen, I was under the impression that he wasn’t much of a sentimental person. He was actually cheerful and much sunnier than his brother.

Why did he suddenly become so weak that would shed tears at any given moment?

Looking back on it, the one who cried the most with his heart bared out when I first regained consciousness was him. My dad paled in comparison.

Last night, I also heard from Zhuo Wenyang that Cheng Yi Chen was almost in a state of collapse a few days ago from guarding the ICU door and refusing to leave.

I could understand his love for this household and family, emphasized with him, and was very moved by it.

Regardless, I would also think, what was this for?

I was not his child.

Cheng Yi Chen stayed with me for a moment longer, and then came to the doctor’s examination again.

The result was optimistic. I had great fortune and prosperity. I had successfully passed the most dangerous stage. For the rest of the time, I simply needed to strictly follow the doctor’s advice and recover from my injuries.

There was a knock on the ward’s door, and Lu Feng helped Cheng Yichen enter.

I hurriedly tried to stand up, “Uncle Chen!”

His face was frail and pale, but he expressed joy.

“Ai…”

When he came over, he grabbed my arm tightly and didn’t say a word.

I stretched out my other arm and hugged him.

“I’m fine, Uncle Chen.”

I could feel that he was very worried about me.

He nodded, as if he was enduring something and it took a while before he whispered, “That’s good.”

He choked up.

Oh God, these two brothers didn’t just take turns crying in front of me. I was easily influenced by emotions and couldn’t bear it.

“It’s all right,” I said, “Look at me, I’m completely fine from head to toe. I’m missing nothing! Oh, no, my hair is shaved…”

He finally smiled, “Hair can grow again.”

I sighed, “It’s over, my attractiveness must have dramatically decreased. Hairstyle is super important. Can you give me a mirror?”

Cheng Yichen stared at me intently.

“What’s the matter?” I asked in horror, “Am I really ugly now?”

“No,” he smiled, starting to get emotional again, “It feels so… precious to see you alive. At that time, you really terrified me to death.”

I asked innocently, “Ah did I do something?”

“You didn’t do anything,” he said with a wry smile, “You just had a cardiac arrest.”

“…..” So, I really died once?

“Fortunately, those two people insistently performed CPR on you,” he recalled dazedly, “It’s been so long, so long that I thought there wasn’t any hope.”

I remembered the dream of walking in the darkness, and the moment when I was pushed back.

He breathed a sigh of relief, “I really have to thank them. They saved our lives.”

Lu Feng said beside him, “I will.”

This was a very useful human tool.

Cheng Yichen asked again, “Speaking of which, do you know Ji Chengyan?”

“Hm? I know.”

This person was a comedian and he was a regular guest on a variety show back in the days. Although he wasn’t very popular, I still liked to watch that show. Later on, he went to film a TV series and acted very well. He became so popular that Yuan Keke even created a CP with him and someone else.

Cheng Yichen said, “The ones who rescued us were him and his assistant.”

“Wow,” I was amazed, “Was it such a coincidence? You can just meet celebrities here. If I knew, I would’ve asked for an autograph.”

Cheng Yichen smiled again, “Ah you.”

I understood the shadow I casted when he witnessed me walking between the line of life and death, and he also understood that I was trying to make him happy. This was the tacit understanding between this man, who was more like my biological father, and me.

Lu Feng did not speak again after that one statement, looking at us quietly.

He seemed to be observing me.

After chatting for a while, they told me rest well after seeing that I looked tired. Then, the Cheng brothers walked out, but Lu Feng stopped.

He turned his head towards me and said, “You’re fine, that’s good. Xiao Chen is very worried about you. Until your situation was stable, he had no desire to live at all.”

“Eh…”

Did I actually become so important?

I had more experience than the average person when it came to car accidents. No one seemed to care in my last car accident, but everyone cared about me this time. I felt very appreciated.

I had a sudden thought, “If my heart stopped like that one day…”

He glanced at me, “Then we probably won’t get better.”

“…..” Was it so serious?

Lu Feng looked at me and abruptly said, “Your head is injured.”

“Mhm,” I touched the tight gauze on my head, “but the doctor said it’s nothing serious.”

“That’s good. If you have any discomfort, questions, or requests, you can come to me,” he said, “Come to me directly.”

“Ah?”

Why would I be looking for him? Could he treat me?

Lu Feng nodded towards me and when he closed the door to leave, I immediately understood that he was alluding to the fact that I may recover my memory.

He was more alert and observant than everyone else.

However, what he didn’t know was that even though I didn’t remember it, I had already guessed it. In my heart, I quietly reconciled with my past self and him from the past.

I exhaled and looked at the unclear sky outside the window of the ward.

The past caused me anguish, but I worked hard to digest it.

As Mr. X said, people could forget hate for the sake of love.

____________________________________________________________________________

I was dreaming again.

This was the most painful part as the aftermath of the car accident.

The same dream, the same torture.

I tried my best, but I couldn’t force myself to dream something else or completely stop dreaming. The most frightening thing was that dreams could not be controlled at all, and it wasn’t like I could ask anyone for help on this problem.

I felt like I was in purgatory every day, tormented every night, and I couldn’t escape.

Day after day, I dared not to sleep.

Zhuo Wenyang came to see me and stared at me for a long time before carefully saying, “You look very haggard.”

“Oh, I haven’t been sleeping well recently.”

“What’s wrong? The wound hurts? Do you want to ask the doctor to take a look?”

I shook my head, “No, I was just having nightmares.”

“What nightmares?”

I could only tell him, “I dreamed about the car accident.”

His expression became sympathetic, “This thing won’t happen again so don’t be afraid.”

“Mm. I know.”

What bothered me wasn’t that I thought the scene that happened in the dream would repeat itself. Even though I had let this incident go, it still repeated in my dreams over and over again.

Was my subconscious holding on to it?

It was if as much as I tried to forget, there was another part of me deep inside that would not.

This situation continued until I was discharged from the hospital, but it didn’t get any better.

I thought that as time passed and I actively changed my mentality, the sequelae would gradually disappear sooner or later. However, contrary to expectations, as soon as I feel asleep, everything would return to my dream. Not only did the nightmares not fade away, but they became clearer.

The person’s movements became more and more distinct, and the outline became more and more clear. It was as if he was about to come alive from my vague dream and turn all of this shameful acts into reality.

My insomnia became so problematic that even if I didn’t mention it, it showed on my face in the form of dark circles. So much so that Zhuo Wenyang almost kidnapped me to see a psychiatrist.

“Your situation is very common,” he said, “Post-traumatic stress disorder after a car accident is not unusual. You don’t need to be afraid and don’t run away from it.”

I still kept my mouth shut, “I’m fine, really…”

He looked at me and said, “You can ask for help, Xiao Jing.”

“…..”

“You don’t have to solve everything by yourself.”

“…..”

He was so gentle, so gentle that I couldn’t resist at all.

Zhuo Wenyang sent me to see a psychiatrist. The doctor I made an appointment with was a very elegant and gentle middle-aged woman. Her speech was very smooth and soft, soothing like a spring breeze, and hypnotic. However, I was still a little nervous.

I racked my brains to lie about my own nightmare pertaining to the car accident while she listened attentively, asking me a few questions here and there.

After a while, she put down the notebook in her hand and asked delicately, “Actually, what did you really dream about?”

“…..”

“It’s not the car accident that bothers you, is it?”

“…..”

“We’re going to take longer healing if you don’t let me see what’s really inside of you,” she explained, “I can understand you not wanting to tell the truth, but I’m not the related to the other people in your social relationship. You don’t have to worry about me judging you. You can even imagine that I’m simply a treatment instrument. In front of X-ray machines, we don’t cover up our wounds, do we?”

I hesitated for a while and asked, “Then, will he know?” I was referring to Zhuo Wenyang.

“Of course not. We have a confidentiality agreement. Everything you tell me is confidential and safe here.”

I licked my lips and whispered, “I was sexually assaulted a few years ago.”

She listened patiently, and her expression did not change. She did not judge or pity me. So, I calmed down and continued, “Later…”

I had never opened up to anyone so I was not very good. The recounting at the beginning was very intermittent, broken, and muddy. I tried my best to recall and organize it, and the fading past that I desperately didn’t want to remember gradually became clear and coherent in my mind.

During the process of telling this story, I instantly had uncertain feelings. It was akin to knocking on a door that had been blocked for a long time, and behind that door was a vague and immediate response that I did not know.

After saying goodbye to the doctor, I spotted Zhuo Wenyang sitting in the waiting room to wait for me. He heard a sound and looked at me, asking, “How was it?”

I made an OK gesture, “Went very well.”

“Really? That’s great.”

He saw through my foolish eagerness for success and said with a smile, “But there’s no need to rush for results. Take your time and don’t feel pressured.”

“Mmhm.”

He added, “Let’s go for a walk and take a stroll. You haven’t come out for a long time to relax, and it also affects your mood.”

There was a scenic spot nearby and also street food. We walked in the evening, looking at various restaurant signs on both sides, sizzling fried chicken cutlets on the stalls that lined up the streets, teppanyaki, octopus balls…

Maybe because my eyeballs were rolling around too obviously, Zhuo Wenyang asked, “Do you want to eat anything?”

I pretended to hesitate, “They seem unhealthy, it’ll make Uncle Chen scold me.”

He smiled and said, “It’s okay to make an exception every once in a while.”

“Then I want to eat grilled squid!”

He laughed and said, “Okay.”

In the twilight, his face was touched with a light smile. The hot touch of the freshly grilled squid on my lips and tongue was the last warmth felt before the sun sank that day.

The psychological therapy during the day was conducted well, and I felt much more at ease after talking. Therefore, I was very confident that I would no longer have nightmares.

However, when drowsiness swept over me at night, I was floating and sinking in the waves of exhaustion until I dreamed the same scene again.

In this nightmare, I was firmly pressed down and whimpering. All the struggles were in vain and it was painful with a burning sensation spreading throughout my limbs, as if I was in hell.

I desperately, wretchedly tried my best to open my eyes and get rid of this darkness.

And this time, I opened my eyes.

I broke free from the nightmare, panting heavily.

My heart was beating like it was going to explode out of my chest, my hands and feet were cold, but I could feel the sweat dripping from my brows.

I heard my teeth chattering.

The face of that person in my nightmare was not Lu Feng.

He was Cheng Yichen.