Pandora’s Box

On this day, I finally remembered my gaming livestreams that I had been putting off for many days. My motivation to continue my daily routines was seriously affected because of that incident. I quickly got up to reset my mood and resume my old activities.

As soon as the live streaming started, what naturally followed was a bunch of complaints:

“Fuck, you dead scammer!”

“Grandma, the live streamer you were chasing finally started to broadcast!”

“The missing person is back!”

“Huh?”

Then, I was caught off guard by the notifications of numerous rewards.

“…thank you Mr. X for sending 50 rockets!!”

This old man was too rich.

I had gradually lived a life without any worries of spending money by relying on his generous rewards before. I could comfortably buy various cakes and chocolates from time to time, bringing them home to gift Cheng Yichen in gratitude.

I resumed work this time, serving him generously. After all, Mr. X was my bread and butter.

I looked at the list of rewarded gifts and was moved, thinking that it wasn’t an exaggeration to call him Dad, right?

In order to repay the support rewarded by veterans, I played the game diligently the entire night, winning nine rounds in a row. It wasn’t until late at night did I retire to rest.

I received a private message from Mr. X while I was eating the barbecue dinner that I secretly ordered.

He asked, “You haven’t broadcasted for a while. Were you busy?”

That was when I realized that Mr. X didn’t dare to talk to me during days that I was not livestreaming.

On weekdays, if I wanted to chat, he was almost always ready for a call. However, if I didn’t take the initiative to find him, he would wait patiently as if he was afraid of disturbing me.

Mr. X was such a thoughtful, sensible, and loyal fan, but I completely forgot about him because I was distracted these days.

I couldn’t help but feel guilty so I explained, “Something happened to me a while ago. It made me upset and so, I didn’t have the heart to livestream.”

After a while, he replied, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“…..”

I was used to seeing all immature requests, such as:

“Great one, I like you so much, can you do me a favor?”

“I’m your old fan, can you lend me some money? I hope you’re not numb to praises.”

Mr. X’s maturity and realistic care was simply a breath of fresh air.

“If you need my help, you can say it. Or if you want to find someone to talk to, I can help too even though I may not be very good at offering advice.”

I deliberated for a moment and hesitated to admit, “I just found out that my friend was raped before.”

“What?!” Mr. X was obviously appalled. “Did you call the police?”

“No, I can’t call the police.”

“Why?”

“It’s been a while and the evidence is long gone. The situation is more complicated. In short, she can’t do anything.”

Mr. X immediately inquired, “Are there no alternative ways to get justice? Can’t the other party pay the price?”

“There isn’t a way,” I said, “Actually, she doesn’t want any justice. She just wants to get rid of this psychological shadow. After all, this matter makes her very sad.”

I spoke again, “You don’t have to worry about her. She digested about it for a while, and I think she’ll recover soon. The only thing she struggles with is that the person who hurt her will still appear in her life.”

“What?” Mr. X was horrified again as he asked, “Is he still threatening her?”

“No, that person changed his ways. He won’t cause any harm to her now. We can be sure of that, but she doesn’t know how to get rid of this person.”

“Do you have to let go of the past? What past is there to let go of with that type of person?”

Feeling Mr. X’s frustration piercing through the screen, I felt a little relaxed and amused.

“It’s necessary. If one doesn’t let go, one cannot move forward.”

Mr. X was silent for a while, and said, “This reminds me of a friend of mine who was also seriously hurt by someone he knew before.”

I asked cautiously, “Is it physical or psychological?”

“Both physical and psychological,” Mr. X replied, “he was almost permanently disabled. He was originally a very proud, confident, and almost arrogant person. He was young and energetic, thinking he had a bright future. The sudden paralysis caused him to suffer a huge blow, and he was severely depressed at that time, fantasizing of death occasionally.”

“Oh my God…” That was much worse than mine.

“Fortunately, his lover had firmly stayed with him. He could at least heal mentally before he could cure his physical disability so that he would not completely collapse.”

“And after that?”

“Later, while in the process of seeking medical treatment in numerous ways, his health improved and he finally lived a normal life again. But just like your friend, the person who hurt him also reappeared in his life many years later…”

“Wow!” The enemies met; I was extremely jealous!

I asked excitedly, “Did he get revenge on that person?!”

“No,” Mr. X said, “he can’t get revenge and he doesn’t want to get revenge. Too many years have passed, many things have become less apparent, and even the hatred has been diluted by time. He can do it now; he can live in peace with the person who hurt him.”

“And that’s fine?” I was flabbergasted, “How did he manage to forgive that person?”

“It’s not forgiveness; it should be a type of reconciliation,” he explained, “Also, if he’s too obsessed with the past, he will not be able to live well in the present and future.”

“Hmm…” I thought the same thing myself.

“Also, in my case, the power of love will eventually overweigh the hate.”

I was bewildered again, “?? You mean he fell in love with the person who hurt him?” Stockholm?

“Of course not!” Mr. X immediately exuded immense disgust and rejection from his reaction, “How is that possible?!”

He clarified, “It’s just that people will give up what they hate to pursue what they love.”

Mr. X seemed to explain something very philosophical. I thought about it while eating the barbecue.

After eating the grilled eggplant, I began to eat stir fried noodles with sausage.

Knowing that there were people in this world who experienced more pain than me, but made similar choices made me feel that the joys and sorrows of humans were shared regardless. Thus, I was not so alone.

This comforted me a lot that even the cold noodles seemed to be delicious.

After being quiet for some time, Mr. X suddenly said, “That friend of mine actually encountered another thing.”

“What thing?”

“I’ll tell you, but don’t laugh at him.”

“How could I?”

Mr. X said, “He was raped by a woman while he was paralyzed.”

I almost spat out the chow mein out of my mouth.

“Sounds hard to accept, right? This incident broke him down and he was ashamed to think about it, let alone mention it.”

I cautiously said, “He should have already processed it, right? After all, he survived more painful things.”

“Yes, he has let go of it by now. But for a long time that year, he couldn’t face it because it wasn’t an ordinary violation to him. It was the last straw that fell on his back when he was already desperate and powerless, allowing him to witness with his own eyes the extent of his incompetence. To others, it might not be so bad, but to him, it was the darkest shadow that year.”

I imagined and thought it was understandable.

“But this became more complicated because the woman was later pregnant and gave birth to a baby.”

“…..” I felt that the development of this situation was a bit unfathomable and asked, “Is it… his child?”

“Yes.”

There were too many twists and turns! Fictional novels wouldn’t dare narrate this!

“Then, what happened later? Will the family of three live happily ever after from now on?”

“Of course not,” Mr. X said, “The baby’s mother quickly abandoned the child and left. Probably, to her, she didn’t want to face it because it was a product of her impulsiveness and served as an unbearable memory.”

“Ah?” I was stunned. “Then, what about the child? What about the baby?”

What product of impulsiveness? For her, it may be a momentary impulsive behavior, but for a child, it was a life it did not choose!

Were these adults so irresponsible?

“Another person raised the child and this matter had been kept from my friend. He didn’t know he had such a child until many years later.”

“Then, did they meet each other?”

“No,” Mr. X said, “At first, my friend couldn’t accept it, but after he finally opened up his heart, he realized that he did not deserve to accept the child. The child is doing well now: healthy and lovely, smart and outstanding. My friend thinks that he hasn’t fulfilled any responsibilities of a father for many years and so, he felt he shouldn’t disturb the other party hastily now.”

“That’s true for sure.”

Who would want to have such a cheap dad?

I said, “Although I don’t understand the situation, it’s common sense to assume that the child’s life hasn’t been very good up to these years. He did not receive the love of his parents since he was young, struggling to grow up into a healthy person physically and mentally. To have someone suddenly jump out and claim ‘I am your father’ is too absurd. It’s better not to have that.”

Mr. X was silent for a long time before he replied, “I think so, too.”

After eating fried noodles in three mouthfuls, I suddenly remembered and reminded Mr. X, “About my friend, don’t tell anyone else what I told you just now.”

“Okay, I know.”

“I only told you about this.”

“Really?” Mr. X seemed a little happy and said after pausing, “I only told you about my friend too.” 

“Hahaha, don’t worry. I won’t definitely say anything since I’m very secretive.” 

“Mm, Mm.” 

I seemed to feel a little closer to Mr. X. Exchanging secrets was indeed a shortcut for people to get closer to one another.

Cheng Yichen’s voice sounded from outside the door, “Xiao Jing, you haven’t slept yet? It’s almost three o’clock. Don’t forget that there’s morning class tomorrow.”

It was over. I was caught on the spot for staying up all night.

I hurried to bid goodnight to Mr. X, turned off my laptop, and switched off the lights.

I tucked my tail between my legs and entered into a suspended state of a temporary coma.