Let Me Ruffle Your Fur a Little

Chapter 60.1

For This Is His Home

Translated by boilpoil
Edited by boilpoil

Downstairs, Bai Yao notices on his way to the door, that he was in such a hurry carrying Mu Mu’er upstairs, he didn’t even close the door. The entrance has puddles formed by the rain outside. The ground is quite wet as well, featuring leaves and branches that were blown inside.

Ignoring the chaos on the ground, he waits for a moment at the door with his arms crossed. Half a minute later, Mu Yi is here, emerging from the street towards the entrance.

He seems surprised to find Bai Yao right at the door. He stops for a moment when he sees him before continuing up the steps to the veranda.

The sound of rain is still quite heavy. Water splatters about where the raindrop lands. The restaurant is on a small slope compared to the rest of town, so the small stream of rainwater on the ground is generally flowing down the road, carrying the leaves with it.

The town is enveloped in a hazy mist. The sounds of the waves regularly crashing into the beach from the wind can be heard from afar.

“Is… is he here?” Mu Yi says, almost inaudibly in the deafening rain and storm. His voice is shaky just like the weather around.

In the much cooler weather, Mu Yi has a beige trench coat on, which appears dark brown in the rain. He looks exhausted from lack of sleep. His eyebags are quite heavy.

He’s in quite the predicament just standing in the pouring rain for less than half a minute. His hair is dripping wet, and he’s a mess. His hand is trembling a little, but he doesn’t step under the veranda. He looks ready to take off the moment Bai Yao shakes his head.

Bai Yao, meanwhile, tightens and relaxes his body a few times. Then he forces himself to take a deep breath, and reply, gritting his teeth.

“He just went to bed.”

Mu Yi’s shoulders visibly droop a little. He takes a deep breath before walking in.

Bai Yao shuts the door behind him, and heads upstairs without a word. Footsteps follow; Mu Yi is following him.

Upstairs, outside the bedroom, Mu Yi finally says, “I failed to keep an eye on him. Next…”

Before he can finish, Bai Yao stops abruptly, forcing Mu Yi to also stop. He interrupts the man with an angry tone, “you’re his older brother. You are the one to protect him. You don’t know how heavy the rain is outside?”
“He was with you for less than a whole day! You’re inexcusable!”

Mu Yi appears to lose his composure a little at Bai Yao’s outburst.

“You’ve lost him for the second time already,” Bai Yao’s tone is frigid. His ire is plain, “do you know your younger brother fell down on the way here?”

Mu Yi’s eyes widen. He is standing frozen, shaken, speechless.

“He…” There is nothing but regret in his tone.

Bai Yao stops him, “he’s ok.”

Before Mu Yi can say anything else, Bai Yao pushes the bedroom door open and enters. He sits back down by the bedside, and holds Mu Mu’er’s hand within his own.

Mu Yi hesitantly follows, but stays at the door, unable to take another step towards the bed.

Silence reigns for a long time. The two quietly observe the boy deeply asleep in bed.

“He already asked me when they’ll come back to you again when we arrived at the lodging this morning. I told him we’ll see you tonight, so he’s been waiting. He did not cry or sulk, so I thought he was doing fine.”
“He didn’t want to sleep at night, I suppose it’s because we weren’t going back,” Mu Yi opens his mouth after a long, long time, “I tucked him in bed, then went to do my work in another room. I didn’t keep an eye on him at all times.”
“He was wide awake when I tucked him in bed at around eleven. He was shaking a little, and calling out your name.”

Bai Yao doesn’t answer, but his grip strengthens a little. He helps pull the blanket up some more, to ensure the boy is warm on all sides.

“I thought he’d settle down as he falls asleep, but I wasn’t expecting him to run away.”

It’s difficult to pin any actual blame on Mu Yi. He did not do anything of ill will, but Bai Yao still wants to yell at him, grab him by the collar, and chastise him for failing to protect Mu Mu’er.

When one treasures another person so, it is not inconceivable to see them lose their temper over it.

Mu Mu’er sleeps really regularly, and it’s preposterous he wasn’t sleeping even into the wee hours. Bai Yao didn’t think that much about it while completely preoccupied earlier, but it couldn’t be because they’re in a new environment – Mu Mu’er slept quite well during their earlier trip in Xishi.

He realises after-the-fact that Mu Mu’er might have been unable to sleep because Bai Yao was not by his side.

‘That’s probably the case,’ Bai Yao concludes while watching their hands. It’s soft.

He quietly asks, “did you not hold hands with him?”

Mu Yi sounds confused, “hold hands? Why?”

Bai Yao does not answer.

He feels that Mu Yi does not deserve an explanation. He wishes, selfishly, that he’s the only one who knows Mu Mu’er cannot fall asleep without holding hands.

Then he’ll be the only one to hold hands with him in the whole world.

It’s selfish and unfair to Mu Mu’er. Bai Yao knows.

This is the first time Bai Yao has noticed how well his hand fits inside his own after holding hands so many times as they slept. The size is just right.

Even the temperature and the feeling are all that he’s become familiar with. Just right.

This is his darling. He only knows how painful it feels to lose him when he did.

He suddenly remembers that time, not long after they met, on the fourth night that they slept together, Mu Mu’er continues trying to hold hands in bed. Bai Yao jokingly asked, if he couldn’t sleep without holding someone’s hand.

Mu Mu’er, though, nods with all seriousness, and explains earnestly, “hold hands, if not, then float away. It is not good to float away.”

Mu Yi is still waiting for an explanation there. Bai Yao harrumphs and answers, “you know you sea otters need to hold hands to sleep, don’t you? You also told him you’ll come back and see me tonight. He’ll remember. If you don’t let him back, he’ll be hurt and saddened.”
“He knows more than you think you let on. Try to mislead or trick him, and he’ll know.”

“I didn’t…” Mu Yi stops, then changes his words, “I thought he’ll forget soon enough.”

Of course he will not. Mu Mu’er remembers everything Bai Yao tells him. If Bai Yao tells him he’ll be back in five minutes, Mu Mu’er will count each and every second, until they see each other again.

The little sea otter always holds him dear to his heart.

“Don’t lie to him. Whatever you were lying about, he’ll be deeply hurt when he understands,” Bai Yao knows he should really stop talking there, but he can’t stop himself, “I know you’re his older brother, but he’s also changed a lot in the six years past. You cannot treat him and talk to him the same way you did when he was far younger.”

Mu Yi only answers after a long time with a very torturous tone, “I didn’t think…”

“You’re his older brother. You have to think about what others might miss. It’s your responsibility to care for him well,” even though these are things an outsider like him should not say, but Bai Yao can’t stop himself once he’s begun speaking.

He can’t bear imagining what might happen if Mu Mu’er was lost again. He didn’t wear shoes either. Now, his fall wasn’t terrible, but what if it was?

The stairs down the beach is not far from the restaurant. What if Mu Mu’er couldn’t see, and slipped on the slippery road, falling down the stairs…

Just imagining the consequences pains Bai Yao’s heart to no end.

“He may have the mental capacity of a child now, but he isn’t. Tell him exactly what you mean; don’t treat him like an eight-year-old and pamper him.”
“You are not to blame for what happened to him, but at least, give him some basic respect.”

Bai Yao feels terribly bitter and heavy inside. It’s spreading up his throat. He gulps several times, and barely suppresses them all.

Mu Yi has lost the ability to speak. The bedroom goes quiet.