Let Me Ruffle Your Fur a Little

The suitcase is right by the closet. Bai Yao grabs it and walks about the second floor once. He realises Mu Mu’er has left behind memories of himself everywhere in the two short months he’s been living here.

A small collection of abalone shells placed neatly on the coffee table. A small sea otter plushie. A plastic seashell with a bite mark put inside a glass case…

A few nuts hidden in every drawer in the kitchen. Mu Mu’er copied the squirrels when he saw them do this.

There is also a section of the wardrobe for Mu Mu’er’s own clothes. All comfy, loose clothes that Bai Yao saw and couldn’t help but buy for Mu Mu’er.

Extra spare bottles of citrus lemon body wash in the bathroom. Bai Yao takes two bottles and puts them in the suitcase.

It feels like a lot when they’re all spread out, but they do fit inside a single suitcase. With the zip tied, it’s like Mu Mu’er has never been here. The seafood restaurant named Golden Seashell is the exact same as it’s always been.

Having packed up everything, Bai Yao takes the suitcase downstairs slowly. Mu Mu’er is still sitting where he is. Mu Yi is crouched down, saying something.

Mu Yi glances at him, then takes Mu Mu’er’s hand and gets up. He brushes the loose hair on Mu Mu’er’s forehead to the side, “Mu’er, it’s time to go.”

He brings Mu Mu’er towards Bai Yao, takes the suitcase, and leaves with a “thanks.”

Before Mu Yi can go, Bai Yao extends his hand subconsciously to stop him. He speaks barely audibly enough to Mu Yi, “please bring him back and visit if you have time. I beg you.”

Bai Yao feels almost surreal when muttering the phrase under his breath. He couldn’t believe he’s begging anyone for anything for the first time.

Mu Yi looks at Bai Yao, before agreeing.

However, when Mu Yi finally walks, Mu Mu’er suddenly turns around and grabs Bai Yao’s hand tightly.

He pulls Bai Yao along, while Mu Yi guides him along.

They’re at the door.

Outside, Mu Mu’er would not let go of Bai Yao’s hand, even though his eyes look more and more uncertain. He’s afraid.

His grip is getting tighter and tighter. His eyes redden once more.

Seeing this, Mu Yi utters, “we’ll be back soon enough. You’ll see him again tonight.”

Bai Yao furrows his brows. He wants to tell him to never lie to Mu Mu’er, but, he is unable to speak.

Perhaps… it’d be simpler this way.

Mu Mu’er has never been told untruths in his memories. He believes Mu Yi wholeheartedly, and widens his eyes, asking, “we’ll come back tonight?”

“Yes. We’ll come see Yaoyao tonight,” Mu Yi adjusts Mu Mu’er’s collar a little, “we’ll go see the city first.”

Mu Mu’er thinks he can definitely tell Bai Yao all the reasons he should let him share his home with him at night. Bai Yao will like a good boy like him. He’ll be even more of a good boy. Then Bai Yao will let him stay.

He will like a good little sea otter, right?

Mu Mu’er completely acquiesces at the white lie without the slightest suspicion, when the people involved are the two people he trusts the most in his life.

He’ll see Bai Yao again tonight.

His grip loosens. He says goodbye to Bai Yao, with this soft, longing tone, “see you tonight, Yaoyao.”

He doesn’t know why Bai Yao can’t come together with him and Mu Yi to go play in the city, but he does not question what Bai Yao tells him to do.

Mu Mu’er walks towards Mu Yi’s car while looking back at Bai Yao all the time. Then he looks at the suitcase in Mu Yi’s hand. He likes the big box. Bai Yao brought the big box with them when they went to the city to play, and came back safe and sound with everything inside the big box.

Mu Yi puts the stuff away, and opens the passenger seat door for Mu Mu’er, who, still looking at Bai Yao, doesn’t notice.

Bai Yao has a stone in his throat. He’s suffocating. He wants to be back inside, but he can’t look away at all. All is normal, he tells himself. All is well.

He still wants to give Mu Mu’er another hug, though. Caress his hair again. Hear him call out ‘Yaoyao’ again.
See him transform again. Pet the thick, soft fur of the little sea otter again.

Yet he cannot.

Nor can he ever.

Mu Mu’er feels like Bai Yao isn’t feeling happy, but he looks normal. Mu Yi has opened the car windows, and told Mu Mu’er to put on the seatbelt. Mu Mu’er is too preoccupied to hear; not that it’d have helped, when Mu Mu’er doesn’t know what a ‘seatbelt’ is anyway.

While Mu Yi puts on the seatbelt for Mu Mu’er, the latter continues to watch Bai Yao from the car window. He’s still not very happy. He does not know why he’s going to see the city with his older brother and not his Yaoyao, but he must be a good boy.

He speaks, with a tone that almost sounds like a plead, “Yaoyao, Mu’er wants seafood fried rice tonight. Yaoyao, can you make for Mu’er?”

Bai Yao forces himself to nod, and give Mu Mu’er a reassuring smile as he always does. A smile that should look handsome and carefree.

The car turns around. Mu Yi slows down when passing by Bai Yao. He’s looking at him, but he ends up saying nothing before driving away.

It makes a turn in the road, and disappears from the end of the gravel road.