League Of Legends: League Of Unknowns

'Welcome to Summoner's Rift!'

A skilled player shouldn't take more than five seconds to buy equipment at the Fountain, even if you were the Support, and had to buy a whole bunch of stuff before heading out.

Yu Luocheng's mouse whirled about at high speed, taking only two seconds to pick up a Faerie Charm, Vision Ward, two Stealth Wards, and two Health Potions.

Thanks to his Masteries, he already had a Biscuit on him, along with a sixty-second Farsight Ward. Combined with the four other types of things he'd just bought, this was a Support player's six-item full set—have no doubt of it!

He'd taken less time to buy all these things than the ADC beside him, who was only picking up a single Doran's Blade.

Tragically, no one noticed this little bit of finesse. All he could do now was run Alistar around the Fountain for a couple of l.a.p.s. He was a minotaur chieftain, after all, so he ought to demonstrate some sense of bravado and authority.

Once everyone had gotten their starting items, they set out, with Alistar in the lead.

Heading towards his lane? Of course not—this wasn't some Normal game!

Children, no matter which role you're playing, if the first thing you do after leaving the Fountain at the start of the game is to run straight to your lane, you've still got a very, very, very long road ahead of you!

The jungle creeps would appear before the minions on either side met in the middle, which meant that you could clear out a camp before going into your lane, and it would cost you basically nothing to do so. Of course, if your teammates didn't know how to assist you with this, it was better to just go into your lane after all.

Once you reached a certain level of play in 'League of Legends', it was essential for the whole team to stick together at the start of the game.

When Team Scarlet decided on this particular array of champions, they'd already been planning to jump the enemy team in the jungle straight away.

Alistar learned his Q-skill 'Pulverize', one of the most valuable skills to have in a Level-1 team fight. In addition with Morgana's straight-line root skill, this gave them area-effect as well as long-ranged crowd control abilities, granting them tremendous advantages in the event of a rumble in the jungle!

Yu Luocheng was using speed-boosting Masteries and Runes, so that early in the game, his Alistar was moving somewhat faster than everyone else.

He barreled towards the enemy's jungle, and his four teammates followed close, spreading out behind him.

The path that Yu Luocheng took led them past their Tower in the Mid lane, through the standing clump of brush in the river, and into the long patch of brush that sat along the inside of a curved section of wall.

There was a particularly useful blind corner that they could make use of here, right beside the enemy's own Mid lane. When an enemy first stepped into this bush, they wouldn't immediately be able to see the whole thing. With his enhanced speed, he moved Alistar to lie in wait at that blind spot.

This all proved to be a cunning move on the part of Team Scarlet.

Not five seconds later, a pair of fulsome, perky t.i.t.s poked through the tall grass, gently wending their way into the bush.

No question about it, this could only be Sona! There weren't many ladies in the League of Legends who had E-cups like those!

Sure enough, that magnificent bosom was followed by Sona's innocent, delicate features.

Can you see it now?

A pretty young thing like her, huge knockers spilling out of a sheer satin dress, cheerfully taking an idle stroll through the bush. As the grass parted, what greeted her was not the wonder of nature's beauty, but five sinister, burly figures!

Four of them were already slinking through the grass, while a large pair of bull horns adorned the head of the enormous one nearest to her, his back turned to her at the moment—but from the way he was grinding fist into palm, it seemed he was just about to turn around!

"Hey, baby… heh heh heh… heh heh heh heh heh…" At the sound of their depraved cackling, all the color drained out of her face!

Bamf! As Morgana hurled out her Dark Binding, Sona instantly Flashed through the wall to escape.

"What are you doing? Don't you know to stick a ward in there before sticking your head in there?" Huang Mi was already snarling from down the row.

"I… I'd wanted to place a ward on their side of the river. I hadn't expected them to get here so quickly…" The one playing Sona was a man with a coarse, rumbling voice. (You shall just have to come to terms with any disappointed expectations.)

***

Although they hadn't been able to get their Level-1 team fight, they'd spooked the enemy team, and Sona had Flashed for them, too. This maneuver had been worth their while.

At this point, it would make sense for their Mid and Bot champions to help Kha'Zix steal the enemy's Blue buff. It would severely hamper the enemy's own Jungler, the scarecrow Fiddlesticks.

After Kha'Zix took the enemy's Blue, it ran straight over to its own Blue buff, in order to prevent it being stolen in return.

However, the enemy was no fool. Immediately after Sona's indiscreet encounter with them in the brush, the enemy Jungler had proceeded directly to claim Team Scarlet's Blue buff for himself. This meant that both sides had merely traded the same buff to each other, and the only real loss was Sona's Flash 1 .

***

Down in the Bottom lane, Graves was steadily farming minions.

"How can Alistar be so fast?" Team Pride's ADC, Yi Xing m.o.a.n.e.d.

"He's fully maxed out movement speed. Damn, he's insane!" This was from Zhang Zijian, the Support of Team Pride.

The minotaur rushed this way and that, moving in a blur, which made it difficult for Yi Xing to concentrate on farming. Alistar seemed to present a constant threat of attack, always seeming as though it was about to charge!

***

After cleaning up another wave of minions, both sides soon reached Level 2.

Yu Luocheng immediately put the skill point into Alistar's W-skill 'Headbutt'. "Let's fight," he suggested to Xue Haiyang, beside him.

Xue Haiyang frowned. "You're being too—" But before he could say 'aggressive', Alistar leapt forward with a Flash!

Bamf!

Just as Sona had been moving in to poke them with a chord, Alistar was suddenly looming right over her!

The very earth split beneath their feet!

Caught by surprise, Sona was thrown high into the air! Her skirts billowed in the updraft, her p.a.n.t.i.e.s easily in view.

The ADC Xue Haiyang had been hesitating for a moment, but the sight of Sona's u.n.d.e.r.g.a.r.m.e.n.ts spurred him to action! Graves dashed forward with his E-skill, 'Quickdraw'!

Graves lunged in and unleashed his Q-skill, ' Buckshot 1 '. Two out of the three pellets hit Sona directly, reducing her health nearly to zero!

When Sona came back down to ground, Alistar had already moved behind her. With all his might, he rushed in and butted her with his horns.

Sona was sent flying, sprawling, and tumbling, until she came to a stop right beneath the muzzle of Graves' shotgun.

Graves fired once, tearing away her last remaining shred of health. With a final, sad refrain, Sona's lifeless body collapsed to the ground.

'First Blood!'

As Sona fell, the deafening announcement rang across the battlefield!

First Blood, in less than three minutes!

In the end, Sona had been unable to preserve her chastity, after all—caught between a beast-man and a beast of a man, she'd been forced to give up a precious first to them! The Summoner Spell 'Flash' has a lengthy cooldown of five minutes. Considering how useful Flash is in any number of situations, that means five minutes of greatly diminished tactical versatility.

Summoner Spells are universal skills that any player may bring into a game, regardless of the champion they're using. You may choose two Spells each game—Flash is almost always one of them. Of course, 'Buckshot' has been replaced by 'End of the Line' now, if anyone's keeping track of these details.

By the way, I apologize for my inconsistent capitalization and punctuation, in case it's bugging anyone. It's always a headache to make decisions about that stuff.