In The Depths Of Shame, Love Exists

“Lady Liv.”

The butler, who was quietly calling Liv, took something out of his arms and handed it to her.

It was a letter. The corner was crumpled up in an ugly way, as if it had come a long way.

Liv took turns looking at the butler and the letter with astonished eyes. Then she quickly hid the letter in her arms, entered the room, and carefully opened it.

Dear Liv, how are you? I’m returning to Hale soon. I tremble at the thought of seeing you after a long time. Please stay healthy until I return.

‘Oh, my God, Lohan’s coming back to Hale!’

Liv couldn’t control her trembling emotions and ran around and jumped. She read it again and again, just in case she read it wrong.

Then, holding the letter carefully, she pulled out a box from the depths of the desk drawer and opened it. It was full of letters. Liv opened the letters one by one for the first time in a very long time.

Liv, I can’t believe this place I live in is so different from the world we know. Don’t worry about me. I’m happier than I was in Hale. You’re okay, aren’t you?

Dear Liv, I can’t control my trembling emotions, so I can’t write properly. Please understand. My dearest friend became a member of Parliament. He’s just a peasant’s son!

My dear Liv, how are you? I can’t sleep at night because of the thoughts that come to me. If you hadn’t loved me, I wouldn’t be here. I love you.

Liv, have you read the book <Towards the Wasteland>? It’s my favorite book.

I don’t think I can write a letter to you for a while. I have something to take care of. Don’t worry about me. I love you.

After this letter, Lohan did not send a letter for a long time. Liv was very worried about him, but had no one to ask, so she had to suffer alone.

Lohan was Liv’s younger half-brother.

One day, a woman and a boy who seemed to be dying visited Ragnell’s mansion. The woman claimed that her child was Baron Ragnell’s son.

Sadly, no one considered him to be Anton’s son, as Lohan resembled his mother. It was simply dismissed as a lie to enter Ragnell’s mansion by a mad woman suffering from poverty.

Anton said he would accept them to work in the mansion because they looked pitiful. Everyone praised Anton’s generosity, but Liv thought differently.

As soon as she saw young Lohan, she felt an unknown attraction. He was really her younger brother.

Seeing that the cold-hearted Anton didn’t throw them away, it was clear that Anton, like Liv, had guessed something.

The mother of Lohan came here for the purpose of feeding and putting him to sleep, working in the mansion and living a normal life without complaint.

At the time, Liv was young and did not understand the meaning of half-brother. She didn’t feel particularly remorseful for Lohan and his mother, as Mrs. Ragnell died prematurely of postpartum disease before she could even walk.

Since the big scar on her face, Liv has been lonely. She was just happy because she thought that she had finally found a friend to play with.

By the time she was old enough to understand everything, Lohan’s mother died of an illness. She couldn’t hate Lohan because she felt a sense of sympathy at the sight of him crying in her arms.

He was already the only younger brother of Liv. How could she ever hate her poor little brother.

Anton, on the other hand, regarded Lohan as a disgrace to the family. It was because Lohan’s mother was a serf[1].

Lohan was officially the son of a serf. Anton thoroughly hid Lohan’s identity, and all the employees except the butler thought of him as a young servant of Liv.

Anton sent Lohan to another country abruptly when he was already somewhat an adult. When he left without saying goodbye and Liv was alone and thirsty for longing, the butler secretly handed her a letter.

It was written that he was doing well, that he was sorry for not being able to say goodbye, and that she should not reply. How much she cried as she held the letter in her arms.

Unfortunately, the first letter was found by Anton and was torn to shreds and burned. To Anton, Lohan was no child. The disgrace of the family that should not be caught by others. He was her brother.

Liv touched her face with her fingers. Passing through the soft flesh and approaching the eyes, she can feel the rough flesh like a grain of wood.

She, too, was a disgrace for Anton. Inside the lonely mansion, they relied on each other. Without Lohan, Liv might not have been able to live until now.

It has already been 9 years since Lohan left. Liv wondered how her brother had grown up.

‘If Lohan returns to Hale this time, he will be accepted as his child. Because my father needs a proper successor, not an ugly me.’

*

“And where are you off to?”

Liv stopped walking down the stairs and looked back. Anton stared at Liv with disapproving eyes.

“I was intending to sit by the lake and read a book……”

In fact, she was planning to stop by the bookstore and buy some books, but she didn’t bother to bring it up.

“You can read books at home, so why go out?”

“I’ve been inside the house for a few days, and I feel stuffy……”

Liv was intimidated and muffled her words.

Anton didn’t like her going outside. Even though no one knew the scar on Liv’s face in Hale, he always wanted to hide her.

Liv showed Anton the big hat she was holding.

“I’ll cover my face with a hat and go out……”

Anton looked at Liv with a frown on his face and then flitted past her. It was a permission to go. She was choked up by the permission she had barely obtained.

Even after Anton passed, Liv could not get out of her position for a while, stroking only the hem of her skirt. Whenever she felt this way, she wanted to break into pieces and disappear from the world.

*

The strong sunlight had been shining for quite some time, so she felt happy. It was the perfect weather for reading a book as the gentle breeze was moderately cool.

It is quite a distance to walk to the bookstore, but she did not get into the carriage because she wanted to feel the pleasant sunlight.

Hale was a very small town facing the sea. There are so many unique stones that if one looked around, you could see a lot of buildings made of stones. However, there were too many stones to yield a decent crop, and food was always Hale’s biggest problem.

When she arrived at Hale’s downtown area, she saw a group of people gathered together. Liv couldn’t hide her discomfort and walked with her head down in her hat.

At the end of the alley, a bookstore can be seen. Liv stepped inside. The bookstore owner didn’t seem to recognize Liv because she was wearing the hat so tightly that she only gave her a formal greeting.

Slowly, she swept through the books on display. The rough texture on her fingertips pleased her.

Liv picked out a few books she liked and took them to the owner. As if to relieve her stuffy life in the mansion, her chosen books were always about heroic adventures.

The only bookstore owner in Hale who exchanged greetings with Liv has not responded much as he had not recognized Liv yet. Liv hid her voice and picked up her pen to continue her timid prank.

Do you have a book entitled <Towards the Wasteland>?

She wondered what the book that Lohan enjoyed reading was about.

The owner read the note that Liv had written.

‘A mute.’

The bookstore owner, who had been doing business here for more than 20 years, hated being bothered. Even when a customer asked to find a book, he only pretended to find it roughly, but never found it properly.

But this time he searched the book diligently for that poor-looking lady.

However, after a while, the owner of the bookstore returned with a dejected face.

“There is no such book.”

It wasn’t a lie, it was the truth. The owner thought deeply about something, and then added.

“There is a big bookstore in Lesbourne. There are no books that aren’t there, so why don’t you go there?”

Then he kindly told her where to ride the carriage and how much the rental fee would cost.

Liv paid for the book and headed out.

‘Lesbourne.’

Lesbourne, a city very close to Hale, was one of the most crowded cities after the capital. She often visited there to hang out with her friends until she got hurt.

Liv was worried. She hasn’t been anywhere other than Hale and the ball since she got a scar on her face. She wondered how Lesbourne, the splendid city she remembered, would have changed.

‘But……’

She shook her head at Dane’s black eyes that flashed in her mind.

‘That man is no longer in Lesbourne.’

He said he lived in the capital. There was no reason for such a successful person to still wander around the back alleys.

After thinking for a while, Liv decided to go to Lesbourne after a very long time.

*

She arrived later than she expected because the wheel of the carriage fell out in the middle. It may already be dark by the time she returns home from her visit to the bookstore.

‘My father will hate it if I return home late.’

However, these concerns were swept away as soon as they entered the center of Lesbourne.

“Oh my……”

It wasn’t the Lesbourne she knew. The city, which had a proper balance between the old and the new, was filled with only the splendor and the new, and it shone brilliantly.

The streets and shops in her memories are now nowhere to be seen. Everything has disappeared and changed. Liv, who was watching the crowd go by, had to taste the loneliness of not knowing.

“Do you know where the bookstore is?”

It was nothing short of a first trip, so Liv spoke cautiously to the woman in a fancy hat. The woman, who was glancing at Liv’s outfit, didn’t open her mouth and pointed in the direction with her chin. Liv didn’t mind her offensive behavior.

“Thank you.”

Liv asked two more times and finally got to the bookstore.

It was a huge bookstore that could not be compared to Hale’s bookstore. Liv looked at the store with a surprised expression and stepped inside.

TL Notes:

[1] Serf is an agricultural laborer bound under the feudal system to work on his lord’s estate.