Give Way, You’re Blocking My Road to the Yellow Springs

The little young master also realized this manner of speech wasn’t very good and tried to cover it up with an explanation, but managed to make matters worse, “I happened to see it on the ‘top searched’! I remember I’ve seen you in a TV series before, I liked it a lot… it’s that… it’s that…”

The little young master would forget the plot as soon as the drama was over. No matter how hard he tried, he could not remember what the character in the drama was called. In the end, he hit his head and said, “It was that miserable cannon fodder who died in the end!”

The little celebrity: “…”

You better shut up.

The little young master became anxious. “Hey, believe me. In the last scene where you shot at your heart to commit suicide, the emotions in your eyes were incredible.”

The young star also remembered which drama he was talking about, it was after that exact scene that he was praised by the director for the very first time——your acting at the beginning was a total shitshow, why is it that only when we’ve reached the end, just like how people transform from a frog into a prince, you’re able to turn from dogshit into a king of the silver screen?

The screenshot of the final scene was very popular on the Internet, and many people became fans, saying the reason they became fans was that his expression was so attractive in that instant he committed suicide. It was like he had suddenly roused from his drunken stupor, waking up to a hell full of despair.

They said that his expression really triggered people’s sadistic desire, so much they wanted to pour an additional bucket of boiling water to aid his despair.

The directors who worked with him later all discovered that the little celebrity was suitable for those scenes, it was only when he was dying that he had those breathtakingly amazing acting skills.

The little celebrity was also puzzled. When was suddenly asked this question in an interview, he lost his usual eloquence and stuttered for a long time before he thought he’d made up a fitting statement, “Perhaps it’s because I have a very good understanding of suicide.”

This set off a wave of hot debate on the internet, the netizens wanted to uncover what kind of tragic past he had.

The little celebrity was a bit flustered, he had no tragic past so to speak of, his hometown was an 18th tier county, although he wasn’t a millionaire, he wasn’t penniless either, and he was a regular school graduate.

Because he did look better than the average person, he was pulled by a few small directors to shoot a web series, signed with a mid-sized television company, and occasionally received good resources when gargantuan luck hit him.

Who would’ve expected these things to be exposed in the end, he was mocked by the circle for some time.

Playing sugar baby1, snatching resources, selling persona, feigning depression.

The young master wanted to comfort him, “Actually, I think those were all groundless accusations from the netizens, forcefully tying you to that person…”

After saying that he secretly muttered, ‘With that person’s circumstances where he can be considered the entertainment scene’s biggest sugar daddy2, the netizens were probably just going along with the rumors.’

The little celebrity finally spoke, eyes red, “We were really in a relationship.”

The little young master: “Huh?”

Since they were both people who wanted to die anyway, the little celebrity nonchalantly stuffed a mouthful of melon3 into the little young master’s mouth, “He’s my boyfriend.”

The little young master: “Huh??”

The little celebrity added, “Now he’s an ex-boyfriend, I got dumped last month.”

Just when he wanted his boyfriend to help him clear that he wasn’t being kept as a sugar baby and that he wasn’t using him to steal other people’s resources, his boyfriend, who was usually quite considerate, looked at him with a quizzical expression, “What’s the reason you’re living with me if we’re not in that kind of relationship? Anyway, did you really think you got to shoot that film because you had a sudden streak of good luck? Since you didn’t want money from me, isn’t it an unspoken agreement for me to give you resources?”

The little celebrity realized after that incident that his boyfriend was indeed a scumbag, the guy had merely found it funny when he’d told him earnestly that he had fallen in love with him and had only gone along with him to play some kind of true love game.

Everyone concluded that he had been taken as a sugar baby, only he himself thought this was true love. He did not know if there was an underworld or not, but he had profoundly experienced the real stupidity of the human world with his own body.

The little young master became sorrowful after he listened. “I also had a boyfriend in my third year of university, seven years older than me. I heard his hometown was a remote mountainous area and he didn’t have a lot of money, but he was especially good to me. He would say good morning and good night, and would take me out to eat good food.”

The little celebrity: “Ah?”

The little young master added, “Although I was the one who paid for all of those meals.”

The little celebrity: “Huh??”

The little young master: “At that time I even wanted to live with him for the rest of my life, and finally came out of the closet to my family. Daddy said I wasn’t allowed to come back home until I broke up with him. After that, I saw his true colors and broke up with him, but I haven’t had the face to go home again.”

It was indeed very miserable, the little celebrity comforted him, “At least you can still go back home if you want to, my parents saw me being scolded on the internet and didn’t even say a word in my defense, they simply left me to die outside.”

The little young master thought, “At least you still have money. After I broke up with my boyfriend, I took up various odd jobs. It was difficult enough to save a little money to rent a place, but it all got stolen.”

The little celebrity: “Ha? I have money? I did have a little money, then a good friend said they wanted to open a store asked me to lend them everything I owned, then proceeded to tell me that he had lost all his money. He didn’t even give me an IOU!”

The little young master actually rose to a strange competitive spirit, “When I was ready to start over, a college classmate told me they’d introduce me to a job, I was tricked into a pyramid scheme outside the province, and I stayed there for three months before I finally managed to escape.”

The little celebrity was unwilling to lose, “Ever since I was exposed that I was being kept as a sugar baby, they began to say that I was deliberately making up a miserable persona, aiming for a higher position, that I had acting skills but was too scheming, and that my next step was to pretend to be depressed.”

The little celebrity crossed his legs. “Why don’t I know that I have acting skills? I must have been blind!”

The moon rose from the east and set in the west, and the two people sat on the river bank and talked to each other until their mouths were dry, committed to picking out every miserable point that should not be overlooked.

The little young master: “I ran away from the pyramid scheme and went to a western restaurant to play the piano part-time, then a pretentious piece of sh*t ran over, threw me a card, and said he wanted to take me as his mistress, how could that happen?”

The little celebrity came up with a killer, “This is nothing, after the breakup, my manager even took me to a cocktail party to pimp me out.”

That man with a fat head and pig ears was drunk and wanted to feel up his hand, saying that since the little celebrity could get together with someone else, why not him.

The little young master listened nervously. “Your face was scratched by him?”

The little celebrity waved his hand. “If he scratched my face, I can still blame the world for being unfair, but it was me who dodged in a hurry and anxiously threw down a wine bottle, then couldn’t find my footing and fell forward.”

    “…”

The little young master: “An aesthetician should be able to remove scars like that, right?”

The little celebrity: “Yes, but didn’t I just say I lost all the money I lent to that friend?”

    “…”

The little young master earnestly lamented, “Then you really are more miserable, too miserable.”

Right!!!

Although it was baffling as to why they were comparing who was more miserable in the first place, the little celebrity who’d finally won ran happily over to a convenience store to buy two cans of beer and generously treated the young master.

Dawn came.

No one had succeeded in dying.

When the first car horn sounded, the little celebrity, who was immersed in verbally bashing the scumbag, suddenly remembered something and panicked. He shook the little young master by his shoulders. “What should I do, I’m going to die!”

The little young master: “?”

The little celebrity: “I haven’t canceled the timed suicide post on Weibo, fuck!”

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Translator’s Notes:

Chinese: 被包养. Can be translated as being provided for/adopted/kept as a mistress/sugar baby. We’ll translate it differently depending on the context but keep in mind it’s the same thing when you see those. This phrase, paired with the phrase in note #2, is kind of the running joke/main theme of this short story.Chinese: 金主. Direct translation: gold master. Formal translation: financial backer. Informal: sugar daddy.The same melon as 吃瓜, basically he’s giving insider info/gossip.