Ch58 - Sha, Sha, Sha

Counting the chips.

Remembering the odds. 

Dealing the cards.

Rolling the dice.

Jiang Fang accomplished every job perfectly. Apart from his hands trembling his first time at the table, Jiang Fang’s quick thinking, resilience and perfectionism were enough to handle everything.

In the hundreds of late nights when he just entered the casino, he would often free up one hand at home to practice, one-handed shuffling, turning the cards, changing the cards, leaving out a card or fanning them out with his thumb. The other hand was cooking, washing dishes and cleaning broken bottles. 

At the same time, he listened to his mother’s drunken dreams as she poured out her love and longing for his father for the thousandth time. Occasionally, one or two sentences of his mother’s dreams were addressed to him. She vaguely sang a lullaby, coaxing her imaginary young son. It was just that Jiang Fang was no longer a child.

Jiang Fang always smiled without saying a word. The gentlemanly and elegant appearance was cultivated by his father. The Oriental beauty combined with Ukrainian blood formed a style of its own, making it a sight to behold in the casino.

However, people who came to the casino paid attention to luck. Most of them held a badly damaged and deformed notion. For example, the only time Jiang Fang was beaten wasn’t because he miscalculated the chips. It was due to the tattoo on his neck.

The gambler whom he dealt the cards to was defeated and a few rough people pounced on Jiang Fang and hit him. The reason was simply: the tattoo on his neck was obstructive and brought bad luck to the guests.

However, this was a small probability event. Things became much better after Jiang Fang bought a choker to wear. Once Jiang Fang dealt good cards, some gamblers with faces flushed from excitement would cheer and put chips into the pocket of his overalls.

Jiang Fang had seen tens of thousands of games of Texas hold’em and slot machines. Every day, tens of millions of chips flowed through his fingertips. The dice that rolled flexibly at his fingertips easily judged a person’s life.

Jiang Fang looked at the world with old eyes in the most materialistic underground world. The scantily clad pole dancer took off her lace panties and tied her hair with it as she swayed toward the gambler with the best fortune today, kissing his lips smelling of alcohol in exchange for a nice tip.

The gambler who just won tens of thousands and was elated, only to lose millions in an instant. He beat at the machine that swallowed his life’s hard work, screaming and crying. 

The old and muddle-headed gambler who held a property title certificate and tried to sell his only property left in exchange for a last chance to turn things over.

The benevolent loan shark smiled at the young man kneeling on the ground like a dog, before shaking his head and sighing. He waved to the people behind him and dragged the gambler who was begging, “Give me some more time,” into a small room.

Gamblers looked curiously at the room that was said to be the execution room, their ears carefully trying to listen to the suffering of others.

Jiang Fang immersed himself in handling the cards, his face expressionless. As a staff member, he was on rotation to clean the execution room reserved for thousands of people and debtors. He swept up the severed finger in the corner. He also wiped the rest of the blood off the table. Jiang Fang could feel his heart hardening. 

The next second, he smiled as he pulled out a beautiful hand of cards to attract the attention of gamblers. He received a standing ovation. The cheers overcame the screams from the execution room.

Under the frantically spinning neon ball, the bright pink powder at the corner of Jiang Fang’s eyes shone in the bright lights. They were seductive eyes that were like waves, like tears.

Jiang Fang’s fixed income was $30 per hour. The tips were countless. Soon, the money he earned was enough to cover the high expenses of the alcohol and drug rehabilitation center.

On the day when his mother was forcibly sent to the rehabilitation center, she spoke many pleading and ugly words. Jiang Fang didn’t take it seriously. He sat alone on the steps of the apartment for a long time after his mother got in the car. It wasn’t until his legs were a bit numb that he got up and returned to the empty apartment. He packed his belongings and folded his clothes. 

At 6 o’clock that evening, the street lights came on punctually, entering through the windows and lighting up everything in the dark house. Along with the buzzing of the street lights, there was the sound of the poor violinist from the attic. His father loved books during his lifetime. Novels, magazines, illustration collections, comics and scientific newspapers occupied a whole wall.

Jiang Fang lay down on the clean bed, the light from the sharp edges of the window and bookshelf falling on his cheeks and silver hair. He was like frozen fire. In the apartment where the strong smell of alcohol remained, along with the decadent and melancholy accompaniment, he breathed slowly and rested quietly.

Casinos worked mostly at night. Jiang Fang was no longer distracted by caring for his mother and had some spare time for himself. Jiang Fang’s student status had long been cancelled. If he returned to school, he wouldn’t be allowed to work.

Jiang Fang started to explore ways to find his own balance between life and work. In the evening, he worked for the casino. During the day, he wore a ‘supervisor certificate’, dressed in an elegant suit made for him by the casino and randomly selected a school that looked good. He entered any classroom in a grand manner and sat down in a corner of the classroom. 

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

At that time, the state of Kiev strictly checked education and there were often school inspectors who visited schools from time to time to inspect the teaching situation.

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He even met a physics teacher who had come to the casino to gamble and owed a debt in a certain high school class he mixed up in. Not only did the teacher fail to recognize Jiang Fang but he also took off his hat and bowed to the young inspector.

Jiang Fang bowed slightly in return. He thought it was interesting. Still, this didn’t delay him from taking notes on his fake ‘inspection record.’ In addition, Jiang Fang would sign in for some university students who weren’t good at school. He would attend classes, take notes and write papers for them. If he didn’t need to work at the casino, he would go to the theater as a patroller. Jiang Fang often enjoyed ‘Salome’ while conceiving a thesis assignment for a music major. 

At the age of 16, the dealer Jiang Fang had his own fame in the underground casino due to his excellent skills.

Joker. It was like the double-sided portrayal of him over the years.

At the age of 17, he received a job. There was a foreign exchange student who went to Ukraine to study and his family was very rich. He was rich enough that despite barely finishing high school with almost all C grades, he relied on the donations of his parents and a fake athlete certificate to enter a very good university. In order to celebrate his admission, he spent his time playing abroad.

By the time he remembered something was wrong, there was only half a day left until the deadline for his university registration. There was no other way. He urgently contacted his friends and found Jiang Fang, who had the best reputation among the local school substitutes. This rich second generation asked Jiang Fang to take his spare key, get the registration materials and report for him. By the way, Jiang Fang should also help him with a few days of classes. 

Half a month later, he kissed the hot beauties goodbye, patted his butt with contentment and left sunny Hawaii for Kiev. Once he came back, he found that he had somehow become the leader of a study group, a member of the accordion club and the enforcer of the school’s ice hockey team.

He was shocked and hurriedly found Jiang Fang to question him. In the coffee shop, Jiang Fang wasn’t in a rush as he picked up the cup and looked at the young man who was two years older than him. “Is this bad? You want a degree and a glowing resume from your four years studying abroad. As for what you learn, it isn’t important.”

Jiang Fang continued, “I am the opposite. I want to go to school and I want this experience.”

He gently rested his chin on his hands. “We both take what we need. This is a good deal for you and me.” 

The rich second generation gulped. It was also a huge temptation. He went back to think for two or three days and discussed it with his friends for a while. He felt that it wasn’t bad to spend a sum of money to buy four years of unrestrained happiness. He made up his mind and called Jiang Fang.

Over there, Jiang Fang expected it. He sat in the library, his lips curved up beautifully. “Then Mr Carbine, I wish you a happy long-term cooperation.”

Jiang Fang got a stable big client at the price of losing the right to use his name temporarily. Still, it didn’t matter. For four years, Jiang Fang did his part. He hung out at school, in the ice hockey team, the accordion club and the underground casino. His disguise was perfect.

His mysterious and gentle temperament, his beautiful accordion playing, his occasional magic tricks and his deep understanding of various types of wines in the world made him look charming at any time and any place. 

In particular, once he became an adult, there was an overwhelming number of men and women willing to flirt with him. On the ice hockey team, there was a cheerleader who confessed to him in public. In the casino, there was never a shortage of men and women who whistled at him.

It was reasonable to say that Jiang Fang shouldn’t feel lonely. It was possible to indulge but he never liked anyone or approached anyone. The main point was that he never gave people a feeling of alienation and coldness. Anyone around him would feel joy and comfort in their hearts. Even if they were rejected by Jiang Fang, they felt they could be good friends with him for a lifetime. These people didn’t realize that they weren’t friends with Jiang Fang until a long, long time passed.

Jiang Fang had a wide social circle and knew about the situation of every friend. He could talk about everyone’s situation as if they were precious. Yet no one knew what type of person he was. No one knew his mood when he returned home and saw his mother, who was drunk in her vomit at the door.

Maybe even Mrs Jiang herself didn’t know. Long-term alcohol dependence had long destroyed her sanity and brain. In the past few years, she repeatedly appeared in the major alcohol rehabilitation centers and drug rehabilitation centers. She came out and went in again. It was a cycle of quitting and drinking again. Even if Jiang Fang personally sent her to the alcohol rehabilitation center and supervised by the side, she could escape halfway and get drunk in an unknown pub. 

Over time, Jiang Fang no longer restrained her. He opened the heavy anti-theft door with a brass key, lifted her up silently and carried her to the bed. He wiped her face with a hot towel, kissed her forehead and softly told her good night.

Then he once again called the number of the alcohol rehabilitation center. After he communicated with the staff and hung up, he heard his mother murmuring something in Ukrainian. “I… am I sorry to you?”

Jiang Fang stroked her prematurely dry and white hair and the deep lines at the corners of her eyes. He didn’t answer directly. Instead, just as he did when he was a child, he whispered, “My angel, go to sleep.”

The reflection and regret of alcoholics was often short-lived. Jiang Fang would no longer easily believe anything. He coaxed his mother like any ‘friend’ so she would at least be at ease tonight. 

Fortunately, he still had ice hockey. Ice hockey was a gentlemanly and violent sport. One could choose to be a rose poet waving a stick and dancing on the ice or they could choose to be a bloody flower blooming on the ice. Jiang Fang vented all the depression he had accumulated under his graceful and gentlemanly air in this ice hockey arena that his father loved the most during his lifetime.

“Joker is a born fighter.” There was a Russian veteran who worked as a security guard at the underground casino where Jiang Fang worked. This was what he said about Jiang Fang.

Jiang Fang was light and his muscles were soft. He combined the brute strength of an Eastern European with the flexibility of an Asian. On ice, the protective gear was heavy and large. It wasn’t easy to exert strength. In an ice hockey game, the only way to hit each other was punch by punch, as clumsy and rough as a black bear.

Jiang Fang was different. His graceful and elegant posture looked more like the main force controlling the puck. Yet when others challenged him, he could easily pull off his gloves, throw his stick and punch and slam them. He once smashed half of the opponent’s facial protective gear with such a punch. 

Of course, it was inevitable to be injured. If Jiang Fang’s fingers were injured, red and swollen to the point where he couldn’t flex them, he would ask the casino for a day off. The next day, he would cover the wound with a disposable rose tattoo and show a superb artistic performance of flying cards to the screams and whistles of the guests.

In his junior year, Jiang Fang showed a fierce performance in a game and attracted the attention of the Kiev State Cavalry hockey team. Jiang Fang signed a one year contract with them. The original reason was that it was well-paid.

Jiang Fang had long wondered why he was making money. He just thought his mother might need it. Thus, he wanted more.

The ice hockey teams in other schools and communities in Kiev had long heard of the reputation of ‘Mr Carbine.’ They all knew that he was a crazy, aggressive and beautiful enforcer. No one dared to provoke him easily. It was because he fought as if his life wasn’t his own. 

The road to Cavalry winning the championship wasn’t too difficult. On the day the game ended, Jiang Fang received a huge bonus. He returned home with his bag that afternoon and saw the staff member of the alcohol rehabilitation center that he had dealt with many times standing at the door of his apartment. The moment the staff member saw him, this person took off his hat. His nose was red and he hurriedly wiped at his nose.

…Jiang Fang stopped. The shadow he had imagined for a long time, but hadn’t arrived, slowly enveloped him.

It was as he expected. His mother had died. It was due to a sudden brain hemorrhage in her sleep. Fortunately, there was no pain.

That year, Jiang Fang was 21 years old. No one in the community knew Jiang Fang’s real occupation but they all knew he had been working for his mother. This young man was gentle, filial in the eyes of others and devoted all his efforts to support his mother for several years, but he didn’t shed a single tear at her funeral. 

Jiang Fang used up all the warmth he had experienced in his childhood to heal and compensate for his scarred teenage years. Now that last bit of light was burned out.

…Jiang Fang thought he was free.

After that, Jiang Fang completed the graduation thesis for Mr Carbine and handed in a transcript that consisted of almost all A’s. Then Jiang Fang sold their house, quit his job at the casino and embarked on his own solo journey.

Jiang Fang’s footsteps spread all over Ukraine. He practiced longboarding alone on an abandoned highway with an extinct volcano that no longer erupted behind him. He wore black sports gloves and as he bent over, his fingertips lightly brushing over the rough ground. The temperature of the high-speed friction made him feel a short-term stimulus. However, the stimulus was only fleeting. 

A few months later, Jiang Fang took the test for a truck driver’s license. It was because he heard that a section of the company’s freight route had beautiful scenery that one wouldn’t be bored of when looking at it for 10 years. Yet within a few months, he still resigned. He had had enough of Ukraine.

Thus, Jiang Fang took his passport and left the place where he grew up. He was extravagant in eating, playing and living. If he had no money, he would enter a local casino, big or small, and casually gamble for a few games. Sometimes, Jiang Fang would be targeted because he won too much.

In a quarter of an hour, someone would ask him to wait in the VIP room of the casino. The manager of the casino would politely hand him a sum of money. The implication was: make friends and accept it. This was the rule. Once a casino encountered someone who had skills, it wasn’t easy to fall out with them. The common method was to give a bit of money and peacefully send away the guest.

This was what Jiang Fang wanted to earn. 

Jiang Fang flicked the banknotes in his hand as he stepped out of the noisy casino while the manager smiled falsely. He stood under the huge and wide dark blue sky and felt lonely. He also felt that loneliness wasn’t just that.

Jiang Fang seemed to have many things, he seemed to have many dreams. Only he knew that he was just playing a game of life.

***

Jiang Fang gently told Nan Zhou, “My name is Jiang Fang. Fang meaning an ‘untied boat’ and it means seclusion. It seems that names are ultimately a wish of the heart. What can’t be achieved is called a wish.” 

Nan Zhou opened his mouth, wanting to say something. “I…”

Jiang Fang smiled beautifully at him, shushed him softly and blocked the words Nan Zhou wanted to say.

“Everyone has their own story…” Jiang Fang placed his hand on Nan Zhou’s shoulder. His fingers circled the teeth marks on the back of Nan Zhou’s neck with a force that Nan Zhou couldn’t detect. “It is up to you when you want to say it. For example, I think the moonlight looks very good today, so I wanted to tell you about myself. Once you think it is time, you can tell me. When it is time… I’ll be happy to listen.”

Nan Zhou blinked and stared at Jiang Fang’s face, covered by darkness. His eyes were novel and serious, as if he was meeting this person for the first time in his life. 

Jiang Fang asked, “What are you looking at?”

Nan Zhou told him, “The bedtime story is very good. I want to sleep.”

Jiang Fang laughed freely. “It is an honor to help our Teacher Nan—”

The next moment, his body froze. It was because Nan Zhou hugged him without warning, grabbing him by the shoulders without any shame. 

After realizing that his height and body shape wouldn’t wrap well around Jiang Fang, Nan Zhou placed his head on this person’s shoulder and naturally passed a hand under Jiang Fang’s arm, hugging his waist.

Jiang Fang’s blood lost its ability to circulate. He couldn’t talk and laugh as though nothing happened or be smooth and slick. He asked in a low voice, “What are you… doing?”

Nan Zhou replied honestly, “Sleeping.”

He looked up, two bright silver stars in his cold eyes. “As a child, if I felt lonely then I would think it would be great if I could be held like this.” 

Nan Zhou asked the other person’s opinion in a fair and open manner, “Do you want to be hugged by me like this?”

Jiang Fang, “……”

He closed his eyes and felt the skin on his waist that was being held by Nan Zhou burning while the muscles of his waist throbbed slightly.

Nan Zhou told him, “You can push me away if you’re not happy.” 

Jiang Fang, “……”

Nan Zhou rested on his shoulder. “Then good night.”

Jiang Fang didn’t whisper ‘good night’ until Nan Zhou was asleep. Jiang Fang’s fingers flicked gently across Nan Zhou’s hair. He stroked it, not too gently and not too heavy. His voice was extremely soft, as if he was whispering out of fear of awakening Nan Zhou. That way, Jiang Fang might not lose the courage to say what was in his heart.

“I hate the feeling of falling in love with someone because it usually means I have lost control of myself.” 

“I was scared.”

“I was afraid I would become my mother.”

“It is a dangerous thing to love someone madly to death.”

“I have seen that type of madness with my own eyes and thought I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes.” 

Jiang Fang paused.

“Now it seems I was wrong. The power of genetics is great.”

“So… Teacher Nan. I must crazily like you.”