Chapter 46 – This Has Always Been What Was Between Us

In fact, even if he didn’t say anything, Bu YaoLian already had a faint premonition. He Ku was indeed the exact same as the young Bu QingYun and it was because of this that made him suspicious. After all, how could a person experience so many things yet retain their innocence?

After being enlightened by Kasyapa Bodhi, a lot of He Huan’s demonic energy was purified. Now, standing by the lakeside with the faint mist and breeze fluttering at his sleeve, even though he wore all red, it only made him seem like an autumn maple forest. He carried an air of silence and solitude, like everything around him had returned to the earth, leaving him all alone. When he no longer intentionally put on a seductive expression and just calmly looked at someone, his hazy eyes as if drunk yet not drunk, immediately made Bu YaoLian think back to the past Xuanmen Da-shixiong.

During the days when they were together, Bu QingYun always strode forward at a fast pace while carrying his CaiYun Sword in his arms. He would walk like that until he realized that Bu YaoLian was falling behind, then he would silently slow down and stop to wait for Bu YaoLian to catch up. Now, meeting once again, that man looked back and smiled at him, and Bu YaoLian couldn’t help noticing that his eyes back then were far clearer than the bottomless deep pools now.

That young man was right, when all was said and done, it was he who could not clearly see what he wanted. Even when he wanted to break ties and past friendships, he had found the wrong person.

Laughing self-deprecatingly, he turned towards the red-clothed man and lamented, “I had thought that you were a genius, that you would be able to live well even after joining the demonic faction.”

He Huan had walked unhindered in the demonic faction for countless years and never once showed any weakness in front of others. It was no different now, he casually smiled and confirmed his true identity. “Is there anything about me that says otherwise?”

His body was slender and as warm as jade, graceful and elegant. Now that he had found the true meaning of bliss, his future was unlimited. He even had He Ku by his side, someone who would always be able to understand him and love him. No matter from where you scrutinized, everything was perfect. Even if he hadn’t had a good life before, it was all okay in the end.

Compared with He Huan’s look of satisfaction and success, Bu YaoLian who had just crawled out of the lake was really down and out. It was just like when the two met for the first time, Bu QingYun was the first disciple who was personally loved by the Xuanmen Sect Leader, and he was just a nameless child on the streets that was stuffed with straws and waiting to be bought[1]. That was Bu QingYun’s first chivalrous deed. He used his novice swordsmanship to drive away the child traffickers and rescue that innocent child. From then on, that child became the shidi that would always follow behind him.

Qing XuZi named his second disciple Bu YaoLian because he found that the child’s serious expression as he tried to grab lotus flowers in the pond extremely adorable. However, only Bu YaoLian knew, at that time he was actually starved to the point of desperation. He didn’t dare to ask for food from the ethereal immortals dressed in pure white clothing, he figured that a lotus pond must have lotuses in them, so he went to search for one to stop the hunger. The only reason why he hadn’t fainted from starvation was because later Bu QingYun shared some of his jujube pastries with him that everyone remembered mortals weren’t able to practice inedia. He was just a commoner and wasn’t worthy of such an elegant name, Bu LianPeng or Bu HongZao[2] would have fit him much better.

Bu YaoLian thought, at that time, he must have truly accepted Bu QingYun as his brother.

Two commoner children suddenly became the Xuanmen Sect Leader’s direct disciples invited many people’s envy. Bu QingYun was very clever, whoever looked for trouble with him would end up being led completely by the nose, when he met those he couldn’t beat he would collapse in front of his shifu and make a scene. Like the devil incarnate, nobody in the whole of Xuanmen dared to mess with him.

But Bu YaoLian was reticent, even if he was being bullied he wouldn’t say anything. When the other kids discovered that as long as they looked to bully Bu YaoLian, the usually hard to catch Bu QingYun would roll up his sleeves and charge forwards to fight, they became even more over the top. They named this the ‘use Bu YaoLian to bait Bu QingYun’ strategy.

Back then, Bu QingYun had only just joined the sect, since it was one against many, he was at a disadvantage and could only concede. Even after telling his shifu, it had been brushed off as it was natural for boys to get into fights and were let off after collectively kneeling. Bu QingYun was also terrifying, he wasn’t cowed no matter how he was beat up. He just single-mindedly trained until gradually, nobody of the same age range could beat him. And after fighting for so long, he became friends with those disciples who had fought with him, many of them would later become the core disciples of the QianTian Temple. It’s just, for some inexplicable reason, those disciples were terrified of Bu YaoLian.

Bu YaoLian obviously knew the reason behind this. After the umpteenth time he had seen Bu QingYun come back with his face bruised and beaten for his sake, he grabbed a vegetable knife from the kitchen and snuck into those disciple’s rooms in the dead of night and cut up all their pillows. He told them, if there was a next time, the knife would fall on their necks instead.

After that night, these people rather brawl with Bu QingYun on the stage than get close to Bu YaoLian. Thinking of it now, their personalities had been set from the time they were children. Bu QingYun was more honorable, which was why he was always the first to get hurt, but also why he could get the best results. Him, on the other hand, while he could accomplish his goal in that moment, couldn’t get anything in the end.

Bu YaoLian hadn’t thought about the events of the past in a long time, he’d originally thought it was because he would feel embarrassed, but unexpectedly, he only sighed in response. He laughed self-deprecatingly before raising his head and said, “Yes, of course you’re good; it was I who was lacking. I wanted to be a good person, but couldn’t curb my desire to compete against you, not like I would have won in the first place. Naturally, how could I be living well? I might as well have stopped and become a bad person, but I couldn’t let go of the sense of guilt I felt towards you. My mind space has been shattered with no hopes to enter into the Calamity Crossing Stage, so I am not living well, not at all.”

“I have never vied against you about anything you wanted.”

Silently watching him, He Huan hadn’t lied. His temper when he was young was very forceful, he always snatched the jujube pastries their master brought over. It was only later that he found out their master was distressed over their wounds but couldn’t show any biases in front of others, so he turned the heavenly treasures and elixirs left by the previous sect leaders and turned them into pastries for them. It was all because of the effects of these pastries that he could become the strongest disciple within Xuanmen so quickly.

When he found out about this, his talent was already unrivaled. While Bu YaoLian was also considered a genius, he was always lacking when compared to him. This made Bu QingYun deeply regret his childhood overbearing. This was why, he would let Bu YaoLian have whatever he wanted after that, he would never contend with him for anything. Even if the other had betrayed him, he also swallowed the truth and silently passed on the position of the Xuanmen Dashixiong. This time as well, had it not been Bu YaoLian who spoke of it first at the Demon Extermination Campaign, him and He Ku would’ve never said a thing.

When he had confronted He Ku, Bu YaoLian’s mind was all over the place, he just wanted to let everything out. But when he truly came face to face with He Huan, he realized that the only thing he felt in his heart now was exhaustion. They were both already 100 years old, they couldn’t be like when they were young, fight it out when they were unhappy with each other, and after a thorough scolding, become best buddies again. It was too late for them to reconcile.

All of their past mistakes and results no longer seemed important, like suddenly it didn’t matter anymore who was in the right and who was in the wrong, he turned his gaze towards his senior brother and sighed. “Shixiong, I have loved you and I have hated you. However, now that I think back on it, the times where I loved you seemed so much more interesting that when I had hated you. Do not resent me anymore, I have already received my retribution.”

His words moved He Huan slightly, but he didn’t say anything to continue the conversation. Bu YaoLian just called towards the forestry, “Everything that needs to be said has been heard, it’s time for us to go back, Yun’er”

Only then did He Ku remember, ever since he brought Bu Lingyun over here, she had made herself scarce. He followed Bu Yaolian’s vision and sure enough, the girl in white had a face full of disbelief. The sacred and lofty image of her father suddenly crumbled, her cheeks were already stained with tears, but she still tried to muffle any sounds she might make. Until her father who had always been upright and noble in her memory walked to her side, gently wiping the tears off her face and said,

“Yun’er, your temperament takes after your mother and not myself, this is a good thing. Take today as a lesson. The hearts of those in the Jianghu are hard to predict and danger could be lurking anywhere. You must remember, refrain from hurting others, yet guard against those trying to hurt you.”

“No, I don’t believe this, how could father…”

She had come here at the same time as He Ku and personally witnessed everything that had happened, but until Bu Yaolian admitted it himself, she was unwilling to believe anything that she heard and saw. However, her father who had always in the past gently taught her to hold justice in her heart, was now using that same tone and telling her with a sigh,

“The moment one enters Xuanmen, everyone holds in their heart the desire to help the common people, but sometimes even though the heart knows what it wants, we are still blinded by irrelevant clouds and can no longer see the path ahead.”

“No, I’m not listening, don’t say anymore.”

With such a sudden change, the young girl was unable to accept reality. She shook him off and ran away. Silently watching her leave, Bu Yaolian didn’t try to follow nor speak, he just tightly pinched together the fingers that had just touched her. The image of the Xuanmen dashixiong that had been carefully crafted over many years was slowly crumbling, and would soon reveal his true self that had already been corrupted and selfish. However, he didn’t want to stop it from happening, he’d simply let this matter be disseminated by his own daughter. No one would doubt her words, having been dragged out for 80 years, the innocence Bu Yaolian owed Bu Qingyun would be returned, and he would shoulder his own fall from grace by himself. Everything will be settled between the two of them.

While He Ku held an ambivalent attitude towards Bu Yaolian, he had a favorable impression of Bu Lingyun who was a lively young lady. Upon seeing her experience such a huge change, he couldn’t help but glare at Bu Yaolian. “You knew she was here already? What are you doing dragging the younger generation into this old mess?”

Upon seeing He Ku, Bu Yaolian felt that he’d seen the Bu Qingyun of the past. He didn’t want to bother with who was the real or fake one, he’d just take them both to be real. He sighed in his heart, but when he raised his head, he still wore a face of indifference that bordered on heartlessness, and just said,

“About what should and shouldn’t be done, everyone grew up listening to the sect disciplines, and should know in their hearts. But knowing does not equal action. Even if there are lessons from the past, if only unrelated people experienced them, it would be inevitable that thoughts of uniqueness or exception would arise. Only through the example of those closely related to you will the lesson sink in. In the future when she is met with setbacks she will keep these hard-earned lessons in mind and will not venture off the right path simply due to a misstep. There is no future in either of us anymore. Lingyun is the most talented of the new generation of disciples, if she could pass this trial, she will naturally be able to bear the future of Xuanmen, if she cannot, she might as well just abandon the notion of carrying the world and find a companion to roam the world with. That is also a rather steady life.”

As early as the day that Bu Qingyun had reappeared, he knew that he himself had reached the end. Bu Lingyun grew up by the Xuanmen dashixiong’s side, welcoming all the pampering of the world, nurturing her naive and simple character. However, after today, with Bu Yaolian’s loss of power, he would no longer be able to protect her, and she would have to protect herself.

Since he had no way out, he might as well give the credit for unmasking him to his daughter, for placing righteousness before family, she would naturally be able to free herself from her father’s bad reputation. He believed that in the end, Bu Lingyun would still tell the truth, because his daughter, unlike him, was a true disciple of the Xuanmen and believed in human righteousness.

He wouldn’t say any of this to anyone, but He Huan could faintly guess at what his intentions were. His expression became complicated as he looked at his old friend, who seemed much more aged than in his memory. He sighed gently, “You’re actually still extremely good towards your daughter… now that I think about it, you’re good to those around you, with the exception of myself.”

He Huan rarely showed this kind of expression. Despite any sadness, he would always wear a light smile which made people feel as if even mountain of daggers and seas of flames couldn’t hurt him. This was also the first time that Bu Yaolian saw him with a somewhat self-deprecating look. He laughed bitterly, and also spoke in a rare bout of truthfulness,

“Because you’re the only one that I simply can’t tell how to treat you well. You lack nothing, whereas I don’t have anything better to give you that you don’t already have. You see, even now when you’ve become a demonic cultivator, you’re still proudly standing here. You don’t even need my guilt at all.”

He Huan’s smile, well-practiced from the affairs of the world, was too perfect. Even at this moment, he was smiling softly and nonchalantly, as if he didn’t care about those words at all. Only He Ku clearly felt a hint of indescribable sourness in his heart and cursed this damn He Huan internally—he would endure everything regardless of what he encountered. You weren’t like this as a kid when tattling to shifu. How come you’ve become more hardheaded as you grew older!

Just thinking about it had him restless, he wanted to directly ask Bu Yaolian if he had a brain or not. Had you ever thought at any point, Bu Qingyun’s identity never allowed him to be vulnerable in front of people?***

In the past, Bu Qingyun, as the Xuanmen dashixiong, was the image of the righteous path in the world. Who knew how many demonic cultivators saw him as a thorn in their collective side — naturally, he had absolutely no room for error.

Afterwards, he’d fallen onto the demonic path and become the enemy of both the righteous and demonic factions, where the whole world was against him. The slightest slip would have cost him his life and even moreso could not give in to anyone.

Now, he was already a Calamity Crossing stage cultivator, he had He Ku who shared the same heart and body as him, if he felt sad, He Ku would definitely be affected by him. Now that he finally had someone he loved, how could he make them weep endlessly? That was why he could not be sad. Even if he felt the slightest bit hurt, he must hold it in, and after constantly holding it in, he will become used to it. And after getting to used to it, it will become a relief.

So, even at this time, he still gently pressed He Ku down from speaking his heart and blocked everything. He just smiled and said, “A patient such as yourself shouldn’t be so lively, careful or you’ll open your wounds again.”

“Shizun is already so old, let’s not give him something else to worry about and settle this among ourselves.”

Bu Yaolian hadn’t caught the many words in He Ku’s gaze, and only saw that this person was still as indifferent and calm as ever. He didn’t bring up the past again, and simply lumped their affairs together and gave a clean explanation,

“Xuanmen can only have one dashixiong. You are more suitable for it than me. I will leave on my own to venture into the world and exorcise demons. Unless I die in battle, I will never return to Xuanmen in this life. This is just how it is between us.”

He Ku had always told himself that Bu Qingyun’s past was just a movie to him and that he mustn’t be caught up in it—he needed to be himself. He had originally done extremely well, even though he followed the protagonist in experiencing joy and grief he had never immersed himself into the role. But at this moment, seeing Bu Yaolian go, he didn’t feel even the slightest bit of glee at the villain finally receiving his punishment and simply looked at his own shoulder silently. The wound had been bandaged already, and even though the two had just crossed swords, that man had still handled his wound perfectly according to his usual meticulousness. It was only after he’d tied the knot properly that he returned his glare.

As a result, he wasn’t as free as he thought. He would rather they continue to fight on sight, to complain about how hateful they were to their respective friends, mutually detesting one another to the end—which would be better than never to meet again.

The wound had clearly stopped bleeding, but he suddenly felt an unbearable pain and remembered that whenever Bu Qingyun was injured in the past, Bu Yaolian, who was always following behind him, would immediately and nervously dress his wounds and apply medicine. Bu Qingyun’s temperament was unrestrained, even if he pretended to be proper and serious to the outside world, upon returning to his own room, he would regain his inherent airheadedness. The always-meticulous Bu Yaolian would be the one to tidy everything up for him…

It was just the position of the Xuanmen dashixiong, nothing more, so why didn’t he speak to him about it back then? As long as he said anything, he would definitely give it to you, he had long decided not to complete with you for anything.

If it had been so, they wouldn’t have had to come to this point.

Following Bu Yaolian’s departure, thus concludes Bu Qingyun’s first act of chivalry. This play had a high-spirited beginning, experienced all kinds of farewells and reunions, yet as the curtain fell everything seemed like the waking of a long dream, everyone’s eyes which had been filled with the vicissitudes of life, gradually moved further and drifted apart, everything that happened in the past was forgotten, and finally, each became a passerby to one another.

End of Chapter 46

THISBRO: as always, special to my fellow translator death for helping me pump out this chapter!