With a height of 1.67 meters and a weight of 47.6kg [105 lbs], Tuoba Yan wasn’t considered fat, but she was unlucky that her body was a little larger than the standard petite and lovely type required by the idol enrollments. The current aesthetic trend was to have a sharp chin and big eyes. Having an oval face with a more classical temperament was not popular, so she couldn’t even pass the primary election before she was hastily dismissed.

After being humiliated, the devastated Tuoba Yan returned home and fell seriously ill. Without waiting for her body to recover, she began to lose weight like crazy.

At first, Qiao Chunyi didn’t dare to stop her diet, but after about half a month, Tuoba Yan, who was discontent with her binge weight loss of ten pounds, joined an online extreme weight loss class, claiming that she was going to fast for two weeks!

Qiao Chunyi couldn’t sit still and watch, she repeatedly exhorted her daughter to buy a lot of food that she liked, but Tuoba Yan didn’t even spare a glance. Rather, she thought Qiao Chunyi was being annoying. She had three large mirrors installed in her bedroom so that she could look at her figure in the mirror every day when she wakes up, practice her posture and walks, carefully analyze her facial expressions, and smile at various angles in the mirror, which would be creepy to anyone who looks at it.

Tuoba Jiao’s approach was sweet and pure, but it was not suitable for the tall and plump Tuoba Yan. However, with the obsession of surpassing her sister, Tuoba Yan bought a professional broadcasting textbook to practice pronunciation, and even downloaded many idol dramas. She used a variety of tones and articulation to reproduce the female lead’s lines. At night, when Tuoba Yan would be dreaming, she would talk in her dreams constantly.

Day by day, Qiao Chunyi’s daughter was emaciating and her face became yellow and ugly, but her eyes were shining madly. She couldn’t let Tuoba Yan develop like this any further. She just took her daughter to see a psychiatrist. Later, she was diagnosed with anorexia and severe schizophrenia.

When Tuoba Yan was sober, she would obediently take the medicine and say while crying that she would no longer compare herself with Tuoba Jiao, and no longer make her mother angry, but she would still revert to her old self when she sees Tuoba Jiao. She secretly checked on the Internet that taking risperidone would make people gain weight, so Tuoba Yan showed an honest and obedient font as she confused Qiao Chunyi. After she left, she would poke fingers into her throat to induce vomiting, spitting out the food and medicine.

The diary records stopped a week before Tuoba Yan committed suicide. The content of the second half was incoherent. Some places were soaked with tears, and some passages were extremely abnormal.

 Tuoyuan buckled the journal and rubbed her temples as she felt a headache. The modern Tuoba Yan was pitiful… but

also very selfish.

She had such a good mother, but she didn’t know how to cherish. Tuoba Yan had longed for family affection in her past life, but her mother died early, and her father was foolishly loyal to the fatuous king. Her entering the palace was all plotted by her father and later when she suffered in silence and had enough, when she wanted to talk about her plight and difficulty with her father, she was reprimanded with the righteousness between husband and wife, it was not long after that she gradually lost hope.

But the deceased has passed away, and all Tuoba Yan could do now was to continue living this life, give filial piety to Qiao Chunyi, and let the hard-working woman live peacefully as she dreamt of.

Tuoba Yan was much better now. Seeing that Qiao Chunyi wasn’t here, she put the bed table on the bed with one hand and held a fountain pen as she became fully concentrated on writing.

She was a strong-willed person who strived for perfection, so when she first picked up a pen stiffly and started writing, her poor penmanship was askew like a bug crawling. Although no one blamed her or laughed at her bad handwriting, Tuoba Yan still felt ashamed and had asked Qiao Chunyi for a pile of cheap workbooks of model calligraphy and a few simplified calligraphy posters in various styles, and kept practicing at least three hours a day.

However, after a week of practice, the smart Tuoba Yan retrieved her old style of writing. Her vigorous penmanship surprised Qiao Chunyi. This silly mother didn’t notice the big change in her daughter, and specifically made Tuoba Yan write a few inspirational words to show off. The nurses and patients on the entire floor knew that there was a pretty girl who was good at hard-pen calligraphy in Ward 23.

Tuoba Yan was somewhat helpless but it didn’t matter as long as she could make Qiao Chunyi happy.

She recalled the boxing manual she had learnt in the past, transcribing them word for word in traditional Chinese. Qiao Chunyi rushed in with a paper bag and looked happy, “Yanyan, guess what mother bought for you?”

Tuoba Yan put on the pen cap and, acting as if nothing had happened, put away the workbook recording the secret martial arts script. She dragged a plastic stool for Qiao Chunyi from under the bed. “I don’t know, it’s hard for me to guess it.”

Qiao Chunyi sat on the stool and took the cup of water Tuoba Yan handed, and drank it all. “Look at it yourself,” she said as she handed the paper bag to her.

Tuoba Yan opened the kraft paper bag. Inside it, was a small and exquisite white box. Only after it was disassembled, did she find out that it was a pink-white smartphone that looked very delicate and lovely.

Like handing someone a pillow when they were drowsy*, Qiao Chunyi gave the help Tuoba Yan needed. Tuoba Yan had dropped her old phone and became unsuable when she was sick, and what she used thereafter was an outdated flip phone. When she looked at the nurses, patients and their family daily, she found that they all had phones, and likewise, she wanted one of her own too for a long time. She had heard about the amazing features of mobile phones, such as high-definition photos and video recording, downloading ebooks and videos, and communicating with people living thousands of miles away on a mere social software…

Tuoba Yan clumsily set up the phone under Qiao Chunyi’s guidance. As she watched her daughter’s face finally brightned with a sincere look of joy, Qiao Chunyi felt it was worth the money spent. Her daughter’s temperament had changed a lot since she tried committing suicide, besides the joy in her heart, she was worried that this would be the short peace before the storm. After all, Qiao Chunyi did pay attention to her daughter’s occasional mood swings.

Now that she showed a childlike smile, Qiao Chunyi’s heart was filled with joy.

Tuoba Yan installed the phone card, pressed and held the power button to turn on the phone. The clear and delicate screen made her become fond of it, making her fumbling it back and forth to view it. Qiao Chunyi was not very clear about the operation of the smartphone so the mother and daughter got together and connected to the hospital’s free wifi by referring to the manual.

The boring magazines of the body’s original owner were now out of favor. Tuoba Yan heard from the other patients that the smartphone can download e-books to read. At first, she was exposed to all kinds of Mary Sue and stallion novels* that her three world views were destroyed. Now, she slowly learned how to find reliable historical books to download.

[TL: Stallion novels have those MLs are OP as hell and has their harem.]

Tuoba Yan couldn’t find the name of the Great Yan Dynasty on the search engine, and the history books she had downloaded didn’t mention the existence of this dynasty. 

Days here were full of relaxation, so why recall that sad place.

Qiao Chunyi bought breakfast early in the morning for Tuoba Yan and went to work. After hanging the glucose IV fluid, Tuoba Yan asked the nurse to give her an injection. She went downstairs slowly, wearing the hospital clothes.

Yuchuan hospital was the most famous hospital in the city. The backyard of the hospital was full of green and more than ten towering trees held a long history within it. The environment was also full of birds and flowers*.

[TL: An idyllic scene characterising a fine spring day] 

Along the way to her destination, the faces of the several elderly people who were recuperating in the hospital, lit up when they saw her coming, “Little girl, why are you late today?”

Tuoba Yan said with a smile, “It’s not that I came late, Grandpa Li just came too early. Have you eaten yet?”

Old Li grunted, “I’m still eating, I was pissed off by those little rascals.”

“Aren’t you, Old Li, competent? Didn’t you manage your family as if it was an army? Didn’t you brag about yourself saying that the juniors don’t dare to oppose you? Well, you have been today!” Grandpa Lin gloated and laughed at him with a red face. “Just you wait, you’ll get it later. Who asked you to act like a dictator and hit the child, you deserved it!”

Several old people teased Old Li. The said person just rolled his eyes, being too lazy to bother his group of friends. “Yan girl, shouldn’t you teach me the next move today?”

Tuoba Yan replied, “Then I’ll have to test you first.”

The author has something to say: please leave a message, don’t leave me standing alone QAQ

Translator: Hello, Kin here. Yes, I was silently reading the thread [if you know what I mean].

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