Duke, Please Repent!

Chapter 12

Train travel with the Duke

Translated by Appleot
Edited by Appleot

Chapter 12.1

Train travel with the Duke (4)

 “It’s because I have a good eye for the people I see…”

 This is a lie. It’s rare that first impressions match someone’s real personality.

 “The moment I met the Duke for the first time. I don’t know why, but the first thought that crossed my mind was that he was different from the rumors that I heard.”

 “…It sounds like an excuse, but I’ll listen. Go on.”

 Serpence said leisurely, with a look like, ‘If you’re going to try, try it.’

 “At first, I didn’t know what it was. It’s true that I was terrified of that unknown distance.”

 “It still looks the same today.”

 As he said that. I tried to calm myself down as much as I could, but my pounding heart didn’t calm down. Unlike Serpence, who lived his entire life lying, my acting skills were poor.

 “Isn’t everyone like that when they are faced against a wild animal that is wounded and it set up thorns around it?”

 So, my lack of acting skills can only be compensated for with words. What if I can’t hide my feelings? It is enough to add another meaning to that feeling.

 “…A wound? Is that the story you need now?”

 To my words, Serpence responded with an expression of not knowing what I’m talking about. Is he pretending not to know, or is it that he doesn’t even know that he’s been hurt?

 ‘Does it matter either way?’

 Either way, he deserves sympathy.

 I sympathize with him, and I want to help him somehow because I feel sorry for him.

 Let’s think that way.

 “It’s natural to be intimidated and scared when you’re vigilant and pointing with a sharp edge. But at the same time, it’s sad. It’s natural for me to feel this way.”

 “What does that have to do with the current situation…Don’t blur the point with useless talk.”

 Serpence looked at me with a flawless smile. He didn’t seem to have ever been hurt by anyone. It seemed as if he grew up entirely loved. Even in this situation right now, he gave off an innocent expression.

 “Don’t turn away. If you let this go on, it will get worse. You didn’t notice at first, but now you know.”

 My dry voice trembled and cracked.

 If there is only a weakness in the perfect Serpence, it must be his ‘feelings towards himself’.

 “You just couldn’t notice it yourself. The duke’s attitude and eyes are telling. The fact that you were hurt. No matter how much you try to hide it and decorate it with lies, you can’t hide the pain.”

 “I don’t have any of that.”

 Serpence answered firmly, as if there was nothing more to hear.

 “Duke, what happened to you? Why are you killing yourself and suppressing yourself?”

 “…Lord Rivelon.”

 Serpence, who was leaning against the table, stood up and straightened his posture. The corners of his lips, which had risen in gentle curves, drooped down, and his relaxed eyes sank heavily. His expression stiffened.

 “Let’s stop talking nonsense.”

 “No, it’s not nonsense, we’ll have to keep talking.”

 Serpense’s face couldn’t stiffen more, his expression slowly disappeared. Even the word expressionless was not enough to express it. No emotion remained. It was too beautiful, it felt artificial. It didn’t feel like he’s alive. Like a well-carved statue, I couldn’t feel even a handful of warmth.

 “What is driving the Duke like that? Why are you willing to sacrifice yourself? Why are you covering yourself up with so much pain and not crying?”

 I poured out the questions I had built up over and over, one by one. As I was talking, I felt really sorry for him and realized again how much he’s pitiful. Without realizing it, my emotions intensified, and my tears fell.

 “I have a vague idea of ​​what you’ve been through. From a very young age that you can’t even remember, you have been burdened with responsibilities, you have been forced to restrain yourself. You have been limited to show any desires, haven’t you?”

 I stared straight into the eyes of Serpence, who was making a numb expression like a doll.

 “If not. If my guess is wrong, tell me where I’m wrong.”

 No matter how good my eyes are, I can’t tell. Especially if the other person is used to hiding his thoughts and feelings like Serpence. What I said was very specific and accurate. With a little thought, Serpence can realize that this isn’t something that can be determined by simple guesswork.

 ‘But Serpence can’t point that out.’

 The moment he points it out, it would be like admitting everything I said.

 “Why don’t you say if you’re sick?”

 “What’s so scary?”

 “Why didn’t you ask for help? No. No. That’s right. Did they turn away from you?”

 Serpence’s expression was still calm.

 Is he not even able to afford to make up his expression, or is it not even worth it?

 ‘Did he not feel anything from my words? Then, why not deny or get angry?’

 With a dry face that doesn’t seem to have any emotions. With a terrifyingly expressionless face.『 There was no answer. He just kept watching, just waiting quietly. 』

 There was no expression or word. I just remembered the description I had read in the novel when I saw him sitting quietly.

 I felt like I understood the meaning now.

 ‘Serpence may have wanted to get angry at him then…’

 Unlike Humanus, who always smiled sincerely and could do whatever he wanted. It must have been unbearable to Serpence compared to his situation where he had to laugh with a pretense and ignore everything he wanted.

 ‘He must’ve been very miserable.’

 Humanus was fitting him into a subject of self-confidence and to his own standards.

 Serpence must’ve hated the sight of him talking about himself easily. But still, he didn’t know how to express his feelings. At last, Humanus must have given up on understanding him, and Serpence had given up on making him understand.

 “Ha…, the Duke doesn’t even know how to get angry.”

 It’s so ridiculous, I can’t help but laugh.

 

“…Lord Rivelon.”

 After a long silence, Serpence finally spoke. His voice, lower than usual, echoed in the room.

 “You understand me now. Are you saying that?”

 “No, I’m just saying I want to understand.”

 “What the hell do you know about me?”

 “I don’t know. So I want to know.”

 “What the hell do you want from me?”

 “I just…I just want to help you.”

 In the still air, questions and answers between him and me continued to pile up.

 “You want to help, why…?”

 He seemed to doubt my heart, at the same time, he looked confused.

 A small expression appeared on his face.

 “There is a child who’s been wounded in front of me, it’s natural to save him.”

 * * *

 As a result, Serpence ran away.

 From my point of view, it was a closed room from which I couldn’t escape, but not by his standards. It is said that even a rat bites a cat and runs away when it’s cornered.

 “…I was surprised that he jumped.”

 Serpence abruptly got up and leaned out of the window. Then, at a speed I couldn’t even react to, he stepped on the window sill and leapt onto the roof of the train. I once compared him to a stray cat. Judging from the previous action, it seems that it was very appropriate. His appearance is close to that of a dog family, but if I look at his behavior, it’s clear that it’s a cat.

 ‘What did I do…’

 I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say that I know about him again. The expression he showed before he ran away was as if he was being chased by something, and his usual calm was nowhere to be found. He seemed somehow bewildered and at the same time frightened.

 ‘I feel guilty for nothing…’

 I took a deep breath and shook my head.

 Maybe he’s still on the ceiling, or maybe he’s moved to another room. It was evening time, I opened the window and called toward the ceiling, but there was no response.

 ‘Won’t he come down when it’s time to eat?’

 With this thought, I ordered 2 servings. I don’t think that Serpence would come back for this reason. In the end, half of the meal was left chilled. I asked them to remove all the empty dishes except for the meal that was his, and put the rest on the table. I also put a paper bag with cookies next to it just in case.

 ‘I was too hasty.’

 I didn’t know when and for what reason Zion will die. So, somehow, I tried to quickly become friends with him, I wanted to ensure my safety.

 ‘Because of that, instead of earning his trust, I bought his doubts…’

 I pushed him away because of my clumsiness. It was a problem I had to run into someday, but this was too fast. I should have approached him more slowly.

 But I had no other choice. There may have been a better way, but I didn’t have the talent to come up with such a thing.

 Anyway, the dice were thrown. Now I just have to wait for the results. I just hope that Serpence doesn’t make any more sudden moves.

 ‘Even if I’ve done this, in the end, it’s just a temporary measure.’

 He will doubt me. Today, it’s nothing more than postponing the situation by poking a loophole.

 ‘It would be good if at least he doesn’t get rid of me…’

 I couldn’t sit and wait, so I pulled out a book from the bookshelf in the room.

 I sat on the sofa and started reading a book, waiting for him to return.

 At first, I couldn’t concentrate on the book because I was concerned about the ceiling that I kept looking over at it as time passed. Slowly getting bored, at some point, I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes again, the sky beyond the window was dyed with a deep lavender color.

 ‘Is it dawn…?’

 No matter how convenient a place may be, the characteristic shaking of the train is unavoidable. Still, I like the bed. It didn’t seem to be exhausting to sleep on it or anything.

 I got up and checked all the beds beyond the partition, but Serpence didn’t seem to return. Looking at the side of the sofa where the table is, the bowl with the food on the table and the bag containing the cookies were untouched. The documents Serpence took out yesterday were still there. The book on the leg of the sofa must’ve been dropped while I was reading it.

 “…Wait, how am I sleeping in bed?”

 I must still be dreaming. Did he come back? I opened the shower room thinking that maybe I had missed him. I know this shouldn’t be the case, but just in case, I crawled on the floor and looked under the bed.

 Serpence was nowhere to be found.

 “What the hell is he doing?”

 I can’t tell. But since I’ve been transferred to the bed, is it safe to say that he isn’t hostile toward me? If he’s going to come and go, he should’ve taken some cookies with him.

 – Clack.

 I thought it was Serpence at the sound of the window opening, so I turned my head in the direction of the sound. Someone with an all black clothes entered the room with agile movements.

 ‘Intruder? Assassin? If it was an assassin, there would be no way I’m the target, was the target Serpence? But he’s not here.’

 Should I hide? Or should I run away to another room? I hesitated like that, but he made no threat.

 He removed the black hood he was wearing. He then took off the mask that had barely covered his eyes. At the same time, the bluish-silver hair that was hidden inside the black mask flowed down, revealing the white face of Serpence.

 ‘What is this situation?’

 How the hell am I supposed to react?