Defeated By Love

Translated by Fairy_Dust

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EDIT: I just want to say that this chapter is the full chapter even if it’s titled 31.1. It’s a mistake on my part but if I correct the title then it will ping the people on discord who are actively reading this and affect the link on NU too. The next chapter will be 32 for anyone thinking that they’ve missed half a chapter when in reality it doesn’t even exist XD I really do apologise for this mix-up, I have a bad tendency of doing this…

Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes after listening to those words and remembered what Shu Nian looked like again back there. He didn’t dare to make any assumptions and muttered to himself: “Psychology…” 

“But those books may be from her family.” Fang Wencheng just reported it in a matter-of-fact tone and didn’t think too deeply into it. “It may also be that Shu Nian was interested in this area or that her previous role was related to psychology.” 

Xie Ruhe suddenly remembered what happened on his birthday. 

After telling him a lot of positive words, Shu Nian suddenly became sad. 

Originally, she was very positive but, in a flash, her mood had crashed. It was as if she talked about it anymore then it would make her extremely unhappy. 

——”In fact, I’m also sick and I’m trying to cure it too.” 

After he asked her about it, she hid her emotions as if she didn’t want him to know and indifferently told him. “I have a cold.” 

Xie Ruhe believed her because he asked Fang Wencheng to buy her a large bag of cold medicine after. 

But it didn’t seem to be like that at all. 

What made her unhappy was probably a much more serious thing. It was probably something that made her feel like she couldn’t or didn’t want to tell anyone but she never showed any signs in front of him. 

Xie Ruhe’s Adam apple rolled and he suddenly said: “Turn around.” 

When she got home, she checked the doors and windows as usual and went straight into her room. She curled up in the innermost part of the bed with a blank expression on her face and stared dazedly in a certain direction. 

Her mind was a mess and hundreds of different scenarios emerged. 

Shu Nian said a single sentence after an unknown amount of time passed by. 

“I don’t want to go out anymore.” 

At the same time, the doorbell rang. 

Shu Nian slowly raised her head. Her eyes were empty and there was no inclination to open the door at all. 

But the doorbell continued to go off, it rang every few seconds and lasted for more than ten minutes. Shu Nian’s eyes moved, her face was pale and bloodless and she sat up blankly. 

The doorbell was still ringing.
 
Shu Nian returned to her senses and her sanity gradually came back. She calmed her breathing and slowly walked towards the door, warily looking through the peephole.  

The lighting in the corridor was very bright and the warm yellow rays softened the man’s face. He didn’t seem to be impatient because of the long unresponsiveness, instead, he was getting increasingly worried. 

Shu Nian froze and immediately opened the door: “Why are you here?” 

Shu Nian’s house was a staircase house. 

Even if it only took nine steps to get there, Shu Nian knew that was an extremely difficult thing for Xie Ruhe to do. He wasn’t sitting in his wheelchair and both of his hands were on his crane. She also didn’t see Fang Wencheng’s figure standing beside him.

If she added the time for how long the doorbell had been ringing, Xie Ruhe would have been standing there for more than ten minutes.

It was already midnight and the temperature at night was freezing. It would feel like countless invisible blades, cutting through the skin and bringing extreme coldness. 

Seeing her open the door, Xie Ruhe’s eyebrows spread out as he became relieved. He stared at Shu Nian’s face and whispered: “I couldn’t just go back like that.” 

Shu Nian pursed her lips and reached out to support him: “Come in.” 

Xie Ruhe leaned on his crutches and walked in with small steps towards the sofa. 

After setting him down, Shu Nian took the kettle to the water dispenser to fill it up and then sat down next to him. She was still holding the kettle but placed it on the coffee table for it to boil. The kettle was very loud and the noise echoed in the quiet living room. 
  
Neither of them spoke. 

Soon, the kettle made a click. 

Xie Ruhe was the first one to grab the handle of the kettle and pour water into the two cups in front of him. 

Shu Nian was very quiet as she watched the water flow out from the pot mouth. It emitted white steam which swayed in the air and then disappeared. 

Xie Ruhe licked his lips and took the initiative to ask: “What happened to you today?”

Shu Nian didn’t look at him. Her eyes were lowered and she whispered. “Can I not say?” 

Xie Ruhe replied: “You can.” 

“…” Shu Nian played with the loose threads on the edges of her clothes. She was like a child who did something wrong and didn’t dare to look up so she took every opportunity to look for something to do in an awkward manner.

“Are you getting ready for bed?” Xie Ruhe was not good at making conversations and talked quite bluntly. “I didn’t think you were very happy so I came up to see you, I’m not here for anything else.” 

Shu Nian’s voice was dull: “Oh.” 

Xie Ruhe asked in a low voice. “Are you still unhappy?” 

Shu Nian’s hands stopped moving and she looked up. In a soft voice, she asked. “Do you think I did something bad earlier?” 

Xie Ruhe said: “What?” 

“Just then.” Shu Nian brought up the matter again and with a slightly tense tone that carried a shallow nasal sound. “When we were downstairs, I pretended I didn’t hear anything. You were there and I pretended not to hear it.” 

Xie Ruhe lowered his head and found that her eyes were red and she was crying. He opened his mouth but no words came out. He didn’t know what to say or why that had such a great impact on her. 

“You…” 

“I used to think.” Shu Nian wiped her tears with the palm of her hands, her emotions couldn’t be reined in. She poured all her negative feelings to him and struggled to say: “I mustn’t do bad things in my life and I mustn’t just stand by when I see others in need of help.” 

“…”

“Good and evil will be rewarded accordingly. Heaven will reincarnation those who have been good and if you do bad things, retribution will definitely come to you.” Shu Nian suppressed the urge to cry. “If you always regard yourself as a bystander and is unwilling to help when others are in danger. In the future, if you encounter dangerous things, you will only be treated coldly by them.” 

Xie Ruhe had no idea what was going on. He raised his hand and hesitantly patted her on the back. 

“I’ve always thought like that and I’ve always done good things.” Shu Nian whimpered. “I’ve obviously helped so many people and I have never done anything bad but why is that no one is willing to help me…?”

“…” 

“My father was very good; he was such a good person but he passed away early. He saved so many people in his lifetime but he still got such an ending.” Shu Nian muttered. “If there will be no good reward for good people then why should I help others? Why should I feel guilty about it?”

Xie Ruhe inhaled deeply and held her hand: “Shu Nian, what are you talking about?” 

“If someone was really hurt just then and I pretended not to hear her, is it possible for her to be dead now?” Shu Nian whispered. “But it had nothing to do with me. I may have even gotten hurt if I went over and I couldn’t let you go there either…”

Xie Ruhe interrupted her speech: “But no one was hurt, you’re thinking too much.” 

“But what if there was someone hurt?” 

“You felt scared so you said you heard wrongly.” Xie Ruhe seriously explained. “And if you did hear something after, you wouldn’t have just walked away.” 

“…”

“If you didn’t dare to go there yourself then you would have gone to the security guard and asked him to go and take a look.” Xie Ruhe patiently explained it to her. “You imagined a situation that didn’t happen because of a sound and gave yourself a hard time over it. You allowed yourself to pretend that nothing happened and then took all the responsibilities for what didn’t even end up happening. This is the wrong you committed.” 

Shu Nian didn’t shed any more tears. It was as if she believed in his words. 

Xie Ruhe coaxed. “Don’t think about this anymore.” 

Shu Nian rubbed her eyes and then made a soft sound before saying: “Do you think that I was stupid?” 

Xie Ruhe paused: “No.” 

“I know that others think I’m stupid and that I talk strangely.” Shu Nian said. “I have strange thoughts and the things I do is meaningless; it makes people feel like I’m nosy.”

“…” 

“I also think what I do doesn’t have much meaning either.” 

Xie Ruhe took a tissue and passed it to her: “No?” 

Shu Nian was silent as she wiped her tears with the tissue. 

He suddenly asked her: “What about me?” 

Shu Nian was surprised and she looked up at him. Her eyes were still red: “What?” 

Xie Ruhe’s eyes were dark but they gleamed with light like stars were shining inside: “Do you think those things you did for me before meant nothing?”

Shu Nian sniffed and asked in a quiet voice. “What have I done for you?”

“A lot, all very good things.” Xie Ruhe stared at her. “Some people might think it’s meaningless but to others, it’s something that will make them appreciate and remember for a lifetime.” 

“…” 

“I don’t know what bad things happened to you before but there was nothing wrong with what you did. The person who’s wrong is the person who hurt you. You don’t have to feel guilty and don’t be unhappy over it.” 

Shu Nian stared at him in a daze and her breathing pattern slowly relaxed. 

Thinking back to her previous words, Xie Ruhe asked her: “Are you scared?” 

“En.” Shu Nian lowered her eyes and honestly replied. “When I think about leaving the house every day, I get a little scared.” 

“…” Xie Ruhe looked at her as his eyes darkened. 

Shu Nian didn’t notice but after a while, she seriously asked. “What should I do if I encounter this kind of thing again in the future?”

“If you really encounter this again.” Xie Ruhe spoke like he was educating a child. “In the next two months, you can just ask the security guard or police for help to ensure that you’re safe. It’s natural to feel fear and it doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.”

Noticing that he mentioned a time, Shu Nian didn’t listen to the words after it and had a confused expression.

“Two months? What is happening in two months?” 

“In two months time.” Xie Ruhe’s eyes narrowed slightly and they shone with gentleness. He paused and looked at her as he promised. “You can come to me.”

If there are any errors in the text then please kindly ping me on discord in the ‘report typos’ channel or leave a comment down below!

Thanks for reading!