Defeated By Love

Translated by Fairy_Dust

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Shu Nian didn’t expect him to care so much about the opinions of other people. She didn’t know what to say to him. She could only comfort him in a low voice: “She’s probably just joking.” 

Xie Ruhe looked at her with restrained eyes. 

Shu Nian continued on: “You don’t need to bothered about this.” 

Xie Ruhe was silent for a few seconds. He didn’t know how she came to the conclusion that he was bothered about it. 

But Xie Ruhe didn’t know how else to explain himself: “…Okay.“ 

Shu Nian didn’t reply to Lin Qiqi. She put her phone back in her bag and didn’t dare to take it out again. She didn’t continue to rest either. After giving her voice a break, she began to practice again. 

It went on until 5:00PM. Shu Nian entered the recording room several times to try again and the results were getting slightly better than the one before it. 

Xie Ruhe would still point out what she was doing badly. He was straightforward and cold without beating around the bush but Shu Nian thought that his harshness was very good because at least she was slowly able to fix her shortcomings. 

The training he was teaching her gave pretty good results so Shu Nian stayed a little longer than yesterday. 

What interrupted them was a phone call from Fang Wencheng to Xie Ruhe. 

Shu Nian was so focused that by the time she looked at the clock, it was already past 7 o’clock. She felt an intense emptiness in her stomach and dryness in her throat. She picked up her water bottle and drank some water. 

She didn’t know what Fang Wencheng said. 

But after Xie Ruhe ended the call, he said to her. “Let’s finish for today.” 

Shu Nian agreed. 

The two packed up and went out to the living room. Fang Wencheng was already there. On the dining table were placed with freshly cooked dishes. In the air lingered a faint fragrance that made the people who smelt it feel hungry.  

Shu Nian looked out the window and saw that it was dark outside. She didn’t continue to stay: “Then I’ll go back first. Thanks, Teacher Ah He for today.” 

Xie Ruhe answered with a low “oh”.  

Shu Nian said goodbye to the two of them and walked in the direction of the front door. 

Xie Ruhe didn’t say anything but look at the food on the table. Then, he glanced up to Fang Wencheng. 

Noting the look in his eyes, Fang Wencheng became nervous because he couldn’t understand what he was trying to express. He hesitated and took a guess: “Teacher, do you want me to send Miss Shu Nian back because it’s very late?” 

“…” Xie Ruhe’s voice was very low and light. “Is that what I want?” 

Shu Nian stopped but she had only heard what Fang Wencheng said. She didn’t want to bother him so she turned around and refused the offer: “It’s alright, I can go back by myself. Thank you.” 

She just so happened to meet Xie Ruhe’s gaze  

But it only lasted for a second. 

He lowered his eyes and didn’t continue what he was saying before. He just said a quick “go and send her home” before turning his wheelchair towards the dining table. 

Fang Wencheng nodded and walked in the direction of the front entrance too. He told Shu Nian. “It’s getting late. I’ll take you back.” 

Shu Nian took a look at Xie Ruhe. 

She could only see his back from that angle. He quietly sat alone at the huge dining table. From above, the blinding white light lit up the room. It made him appear even more lonely. 

She withdrew her sight and suddenly felt a little choked up. She wanted to ask Fang Wencheng something so she didn’t refuse him again. 

“Okay, then I’ll need to trouble you.” 

The two went to the underground parking lot to get the car. 

Shu Nian put on her seat belt. She didn’t want to take too much of his time: “You can just take me to the subway station and then I can take the subway back home by myself.” 

Fang Wencheng didn’t force her and started the car: “Okay.” 

On the quiet car ride, they could hear the wind from outside. The two of them were not familiar with each other and didn’t make conversation. There were no common topics between the two of them. 

Shu Nian struggled for a long time, she turned over the words in her mind. After a while, she asked: “Teacher Ah He doesn’t live with his family?” 

Fang Wencheng nodded and said: “No, after returning home from abroad. Young… Teacher lived in his grandfather’s house for a period of time before moving out.” 

“Why?” 

Fang Wencheng smiled and casually replied. “Teacher’s work schedule is not regular and he was worried that it would affect other people.” 

Shu Nian knew that she was being a little nosy asking these questions, but she couldn’t help saying: “Is he home alone every day?” 

Fang Wencheng helplessly admitted: “Teacher doesn’t like to go out.” 

Shu Nian lowered her head, looking a little dazed: “This is not good.” 

He was a bit like her. 

If Shu Nian didn’t have to go to the recording studios, then she would probably be living the same life as him.  

She stayed alone in a small bedroom every day like an invisible chain was on her body, binding her to it. There were heavy curtains that blocked out the outside world and the locked door that rejected the unfamiliar world. 

Just like that, time slowly trickled by in such a manner.  

She always felt that as soon as she opened the door, something terrible would happen. A mouth with sharp teeth would open wide and wildly attack her. She would rather never see the wonderful world again than take that risk. 

The longer she lived like that, the harder it was for her to face the world as her courage gradually faded away because as soon as she went out of that small room, she would feel uncomfortable and lose all ability to communicate with other people. 

Shu Nian thought for a bit and asked him something that she didn’t dare to ask in front of Xie Ruhe. She approached the subject with caution: “Will Teacher Ah He’s legs get better?” 

“If he persisted with physical therapy…” Fang Wencheng wasn’t too sure either. “He should be fine.” 

Shu Nian was relieved: “He has to persist.” 

Fang Wencheng didn’t know what else to say so he just smiled at her. 

Shu Nian repeated herself in a much more serious and stubborn manner: “You have to get him to persist.” 

Shu Nian didn’t go to the recording studio; she went straight home.  

After taking a shower, she lay in bed and in a soft voice, she continued to practice singing as she rested. The hot water washed away all her fatigue. The room was bright and dazzling which gave her an overwhelming sense of security. She turned to her side and subconsciously curled up before falling asleep. 

It was unknown how long had passed but the phone next to her suddenly began ringing. 

Shu Nian woke up in shock. Her heart was blocked with panic and it went at an irregular rate. She was made breathless and had tears falling down. She wiped away the tears and looked at the caller ID. 

It was Ruan Xitong, her roommate in university. 

It was only 10PM which meant that she had slept for less than an hour. 

Shu Nian calmed down and reluctantly answered the phone: “Hello?” 

Ruan Xitong’s clear voice came through the receiver: “Shu Nian?” 

“En.” 

“I called you on WeChat but you didn’t reply to me after waiting for such a long time.” Ruan Xitong smiled. “I haven’t called you for some time now and was worried that you might have changed your number.” 

Shu Nian hummed. 

Ruan Xitong didn’t say much else, her next statement expressed her purpose of calling: “It’s like this, there’s a class reunion at the end of this month on the 31st. Will you be going?” 

Shu Nian lowered her eyes. She didn’t think over the matter too much and lied straightaway: “I don’t have time.” 

“Ah? It’s December 31st, that’s New Year’s Eve. Why won’t you have time?” Ruan Xitong laughed. “Or are you going on date with your boyfriend? Just come together.” 

“…” 
 
“It’s been so long since I last saw you. Let’s take this opportunity to meet. We all miss you.” After speaking to that point, Ruan Xitong suddenly brought up another person. “Oh right, do you know what’s happened with Xu Zeyuan?” 

Shu Nian stayed silent. She didn’t make a single sound. 

“He recently joined a singing program and won first place. Now he’s super popular and will come to the reunion on the 31st.” Ruan Xitong sighed. “Why did you guys break up? Xu Zeyuan is so good. He’s handsome, can sing well and he even chased you for a very long time. He liked you a lot…” 

Shu Nian interrupted her words. She was blunt and straightforward. 

“I’m not going.” 

Ruan Xitong was surprised: “Ah?” 

“I don’t want to go.” Shu Nian repeated. Her mood had taken a really bad turn. She didn’t have any patience left in her but she resisted losing her temper. “Don’t look for me anymore.” 

With that, she hung up the call. 

Afterwards, Shu Nian opened the bedside table drawer and took out a bottle of anti-anxiety medicine from it. She opened the lid and poured out several pills. However, she stopped her actions as she remembered that she had stopped taking medication a long time ago. She froze for a while before putting the medicine back into the bottle. 

She got up to check the doors and windows of the room again. Then, she sat on the carpet by the bed. 

She thought back to the scene she had just dreamed of. Shu Nian hugged her arms and her body trembled all over. She buried her face in her arms as tears fell down. Her throat closed up, making it difficult for her to swallow. 

“Don’t be afraid…” 

She repeated those three words in a whisper. 

Such nightmares and emotions would come every once in a while. 

When she woke up the next day, Shu Nian’s mood had calmed down but she was still pretty depressed. She looked at her reflection and praised herself for not taking the medicine yesterday before going out.  

On the other side. 

After lunch, Xie Ruhe’s mood suddenly became bad. His face was clouded with darkness. Thinking that Shu Nian was heading there later, he turned over a packet of cigarettes and headed to the balcony. 

Fang Wencheng just so happened to have come back from his outing and said. “Young master, Xu Zeyuan’s agent contacted me and said that he hoped you could write a song for Xu Zeyuan’s new album.” 

Hearing that name, Xie Ruhe’s movements stilled and he looked at him. 

“Xu Zeyuan is a male singer who become popular recently.” Fang Wencheng explained. “He’s very hot. I think if you wrote the song then it’ll also be good for your reputation…” 

Xie Ruhe interrupted him: “What’s his name?” 

“…Ah, ah?” 

“What’s his name?” 

“Xu Zeyuan.” Fang Wencheng patiently repeated. “He’s surnamed Xu, Ze of the word lustre and it’s the New Year’s Yuan.1 They told me that they are very sincere and will come to pay you a visit in person later.” 

The atmosphere was completely quiet for a moment. 

Xie Ruhe repeated each word: “Xu, Ze, Yuan…” 

Afterwards, he chuckled. His voice was icy and he sneered: “Do all 18th tier singers think they can sing my songs now?” 

He didn’t know what kind of bad luck he had hit but Fang Wencheng immediately kept quiet. 

Xie Ruhe’s eyes were cold: “Are they here yet?” 

Fang Wencheng didn’t dare to say anything. 

“Have you gone mute?” 

“They should be almost here…” 

Shu Nian never imagined that she would meet Xu Zeyuan outside of the community where Xie Ruhe lived. It was an unexpected reunion but she didn’t take it to heart. 

The security guard recognised her and immediately opened the door to let her in. 

Xu Zeyuan’s appearance didn’t change much except for the light makeup on his face and his dyed light brown hair. He still looked like the him from before. He stood in place for a few seconds in shock after meeting Shu Nian. 

Seeing that she was about to enter the community, he hesitated to call her out. “Shu Nian?” 

Hearing her name, she turned back and nodded at him. 

Xu Zeyuan asked cautiously. “Do you live here?” 

Before Shu Nian could speak, Xie Ruhe’s voice sounded from behind her. 

“Shu Nian.” 

Shu Nian followed the sound and looked at him. 

Xie Ruhe pursed his lips and his jaw tightened when he saw the person standing next to her: “Come here.” 

Shu Nian was taken aback. She walked towards him: “Why did you come down?” 

Xu Zeyuan stood where he was. His manager who was standing at his side reminded him: “That’s Teacher Ah He.” 

By the time he recovered from his daze, he was already dragged into the community by his manager.  

Xu Zeyuan hesitated and withdrew his surprise. He went over and stood in front of Xie Ruhe. He didn’t focus his attention on Shu Nian anymore and politely greeted him. “Hello, Teacher Ah He.” 

Xie Ruhe didn’t raise his eyes. He just told Shu Nian: “Let’s go.” 

Xu Zeyuan thought that he didn’t hear him and rushed to add: “Teacher, I’m-“ 

Xie Ruhe suddenly glanced up and interrupted his sentence: “Your name.” 

Xu Zeyuan smiled warmly and was eager to introduce himself. 

Xie Ruhe opened his mouth again. His eyes were cold with unconcealed hostility and sarcasm. 

“What does it have to do with me?” 

If there are any errors in the text then please kindly ping me on discord in the ‘report typos’ channel or leave a comment down below!

Thanks for reading! 

Footnotes

 徐 (xú) is a common surname in China. His 泽 (zé) is from the phrase 光泽 which means lustre or gentle glow and the 元 (yuán) is from another form of saying New Year (元旦). This part was a bit difficult to explain in English but I hope I managed to explain it to a certain extent.