Defeated By Love

Translated by Fairy_Dust

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The control room became very quiet.

After making sure that Shu Nian had said everything she wanted, Xie Ruhe withdrew his eyes and played the song that had just been recorded by her: “Listen to it several times first, only start singing when you are familiar with it.”

Shu Nian “oh’ed” to indicate that she heard. After her down-casted feelings were sorted out, her mood had suddenly become unexplainable.

They used to be very good friends but had lost contact for many years and when she met him again, he had become very distant. She subconsciously stayed away from him.

Their conversation just then made her feel like she was back in the past.

Where the world was still a warm and bright place.

The next moment, Xie Ruhe handed her a sheet with the lyrics on it: “You just need to listen for now.”

Shu Nian nodded and took the score. She listened to it 4 times.

Before playing it for the fifth time, Xie Ruhe told her: “Try singing along.”

Hearing those words, Shu Nian looked at him and moved her lips. She was afraid of being laughed at by him and was a little reluctant to obey.

Xie Ruhe was very serious though: “Get familiar with the melody.”

Because of his attitude, Shu Nian felt that it would be wrong if she continued to gauge the heart of a gentleman with one’s own mean measures1. So, she also entered a serious state as if she was in class.

…

The rain was inconsistent/rays of light gathered in an instant/night became day.

I thought the rain was bringing down the stars/I lifted my head

And you showed up.

…

The music was being played directly from the computer, it wasn’t through the headphones. His voice was not soft and when Shu Nian was singing, she could only very faintly hear her own voice. It mixed with Xie Ruhe’s singing which easily overwhelmed hers.

That gave Shu Nian the illusion that her tone was the same as his.

Shu Nian sang the song three times.

After, Xie Ruhe handed her a set of headphones and said: “This time wear the headphones and sing.”

Shu Nian took the headphones and noticed that he was not going to wear any. She hesitated and asked: “Aren’t you going to wear them too?”

Xie Ruhe replied in a low voice: “I’m going to listen to you.”

Shu Nian imagined the scene in her head.

Wouldn’t it just be an a-cappella…?

But if she sang along to the recording, it should be fine.

After she finished singing.

Shu Nian took off her headphones and looked at him. She was waiting for his next instructions.

Xie Ruhe pursed his lips and thought for a moment. Then, he said: “Half of it is out of tune but the other half was correct. You just need to practice again.”

Shu Nian could roughly guess where and used a finger to draw a circle on the sheet of music: “Am I out of tune here?”

Xie Ruhe went silent for a few seconds. He stretched out his hand and drew a circle on the other side of where she was had indicated: “It’s here.”

“…”

Shu Nian was a little frustrated and her tone became sad: “You should just swap me with…”

Xie Ruhe didn’t argue with her. He was very patient and took out another sheet of music. He said: “I’ll sing it first and then you can copy me.”

Hearing that, Shu Nian was stunned. She thought of something and quickly hummed in response.

Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes and sang: “I thought the rain was bringing down the stars…”

Shu Nian sang along: “I thought the rain was bringing down the stars…”

Xie Ruhe paused and repeated: “I thought the rain…”

“I thought the rain…”

“Don’t start too high.”

“Oh, okay.” Shu Nian was very cooperative. “I thought the rain was bringing down the stars…”

“Good, now try singing it by yourself.”

Shu Nian sang it again.

Xie Ruhe was relieved: “Yes, that’s it. Now, sing it together.”

“The rain was inconsistent/rays of light gathered in an instant/night became day. I thought the rain was bringing down the stars…”

“…”

Shu Nian took notice of his expression and asked: “What’s the matter?”

Xie Ruhe used the back of his hand to rub against his lips. He didn’t look at her but his voice revealed that he was smiling.

“You’re out of tune again.”

“…”

After practising for the whole afternoon, the song was still unable to be recorded by the end.

When it was around dinner time, Xie Ruhe didn’t insist on keeping her behind anymore. He asked: “Do you have WeChat?”

“I do.”

“Then add my WeChat.” Xie Ruhe looked at the computer and casually said. “I will send the song to you and you can listen to it on the way back home. Just come back tomorrow to finish recording the song.”

Shu Nian nodded and added his WeChat.

After receiving the song file, Shu Nian asked: “Then I’ll go back first?”

Xie Ruhe was silent for a few seconds before saying: “I’ll take you out.”

Shu Nian thought for a moment but didn’t refuse him in the end: “You should wear a few more pieces of clothing. It’s a little cold outside.”

Xie Ruhe was in a good mood because he didn’t get rejected like he had expected: “Wait here for me.”

“Okay.”

Shu Nian watched Xie Ruhe go out of the recording studio before retracting her gaze. She sat in place and continued to listen to the song. She sang in a low voice as she listened.

Very quickly, Xie Ruhe returned to the studio wearing a long coat. He didn’t change his trousers, they were still the same pair of casual black trousers.

Shu Nian stood up and subconsciously began pushing his wheelchair.

Xie Ruhe’s eyelashes moved but he didn’t say anything.

Shu Nian stood behind him. She didn’t mention anything about his work to him. She felt that they were somewhat closer since the afternoon and asked in a whisper: “When did you return to China?”

Xie Ruhe honestly replied: “I came back two years ago.”

Shu Nian thought for a moment: “If I remember correctly, didn’t you go abroad for high school?”

Xie Ruhe answered in a low voice: “En, I went during my sophomore year”

The two arrived at the front door. Shu Nian bent down to change her shoes and then looked at Xie Ruhe. At that moment, he was also bending down to put on his sneakers. She pinched the edge of her clothes and suddenly said: “May I ask you a question? If you don’t want to answer then you can just pretend as if you didn’t hear me.”

Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes and casually replied: “There’s nothing you can’t ask.”

Shu Nian licked her lips and felt that he spoke much less than before. It was as if they had returned to the time where they had first met. But at that time, he was full of thorns and refused to let anyone approach him.

He didn’t trust anyone’s gentleness and had refused everyone’s kindness towards him.

He was always very sceptical of people.

At the moment though, he didn’t feel like that for her. His rough edges softened and his sharp claws were retracted. Most of the time to her, he was just like a silent young boy.

Shu Nian could guess that this kind of appearance was probably because of his legs.

Thinking of that, Shu Nian carefully asked: “That day outside the supermarket, did I make you unhappy because I reminded you of your condition?”

Hearing that, Xie Ruhe’s expression was stiff for a moment.

He immediately denied: “No.”

“I didn’t want to affect your mood.” Shu Nian’s voice was soft and sounded like she was in a trance. “I really do think that as long as you can slowly recover, then it’s all good. Even if there is only a little hope and others had already given up on you, you can’t give up on yourself.”

Xie Ruhe went quiet for a moment and then said: “I know.”

“You need to be hopeful to live.” Shu Nian pushed him into the elevator and seriously finished her words. “As long as you can persist, the hope you couldn’t see before will appear.”

Xie Ruhe looked back at her. The him who was stuck in a dark room with no door suddenly saw a bright exit.

“Okay.”

For a little while, it seemed as if they had gone back to the past.

At that time, Shu Nian always had these principles and morals which made other people feel frustrated.

Everyone else thought that she was stupid and didn’t care to listen.

Only Xie Ruhe was willing.

Xie Ruhe sent Shu Nian to the gate of the building and asked: “Let me have Fang Wencheng send you back?”

Shu Nian quickly said: “No, I still have to go see my teacher.”

Xie Ruhe frowned: “How will you get there?”

Shu Nian pointed in the direction of the subway station: “I’m taking the subway.”

Xie Ruhe looked at the dark sky and hesitated to offer: “Why don’t I send you there?”

It was Shu Nian’s first time in the area. Outside the community was a busy street which was very lively but she would have to take several intersections to get to the subway station. When she came, she noticed that most of the shops were under construction and there was little traffic.

Her biggest fear was being in deserted places.

Shu Nian was embarrassed to take the initiative to ask Xie Ruhe to send her off. Her rationality even told her that it was better to decline. She struggled for a moment and felt that the dark road looming in the distance seemed to be extremely frightening. She immediately changed her words: “Then will you come back alone?”

Xie Ruhe said: “It’s been too long since I went out. I’ll come for a breath of fresh air.”

Shu Nian was relieved and reminded him: “Don’t stay out too long, it’s late.”

Xie Ruhe obediently replied: “Okay.”

The two went to the subway station together but neither of them spoke a word. After walking for about 20 minutes, they arrived at the entrance of the subway station. Shu Nian said goodbye to him: “I’ll go now.”

Xie Ruhe said: “En, be safe.”

“The same goes to you.” Shu Nian smiled at him. “Go home quickly.”

With that, Shu Nian turned to enter the subway station. At the very same moment though, Xie Ruhe, who was behind her, suddenly opened up his mouth and called out to her: “Shu Nian.”

Shu Nian looked back: “Ah?”

Xie Ruhe was not too far away. The white street lamps landed on him, making his skin appear whiter but his lips were dark red. Winter was coming and the temperature was dropping. A person’s breath could be seen when they talked.

He looked at her and said: “You told me last time to contact you when I’m free, right?”

Shu Nian couldn’t remember when she said that but she still nodded: “Yeah.”

" "

Xie Ruhe was silent for a moment. He was thinking of the recording time they had agreed on at 1:00PM and lowered his eyes. His voice was low and clear with a trace of tension.

“I’m free tomorrow morning.”

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Footnotes

This is an idiom which just means that she can’t continue to think he’s got bad intentions when he’s being nice/reasonable or acting as a villain to a good/innocent person.