Blue Moonlight

25. Who I am to you.

Yu Xinqiao could now confirm that his mental resilience was at least good at the age of twenty-four. Looking at his eighteen-year-old self, his hands were trembling involuntarily and his palms were sweaty.

It was more nerve-wracking than when he had his first piano, his own piano, uncovered. 

Unlike the uncertain nervousness of opening a blind box, this was the panic of dismantling a piece of the building blocks, disrupting a certain balance.

He had a feeling that once he untied this tie, everything that followed would be beyond control.

Yu Xinqiao said in a low voice, “I… I believe…”

After waiting for a long time, Xu Yanhuan received a delayed response and said coldly, “It’s too late. I don’t believe you believe.”

“…”

He dug his own pit and now had to face the consequences. Yu Xinqiao struggled in vain and said, “But, didn’t you say you were pursuing me? Why are you still so… arrogant?”

Xu Yanhuan was almost amused by him and said, “I’m not arrogant enough, that’s why I let you drag it until now.”

Yu Xinqiao didn’t understand the meaning of “drag” and blinked before asking, but then the phone on the coffee table rang.

As his hand loosened the knot of the tie, Yu Xinqiao was about to make a run for it, but Xu Yanhuan held his wrist even tighter.

“There’s a call for you.”

“I won’t answer.”

“What if it’s an emergency…”

Yu Xinqiao watched as Xu Yanhuan’s face grew darker, and the phone kept ringing.

Finally, he let go of his hand and went to answer the call. Yu Xinqiao immediately stood up from the sofa and took a long breath.

If this continued, he wouldn’t be able to hide his own reactions.

After a brief conversation on the phone, Xu Yanhuan responded with a couple of “mhm” and said, “I’ll be right there,” before hanging up and grabbing his coat.

Seeing his urgency, Yu Xinqiao asked what had happened, and Xu Yanhuan replied, “Someone involved wants to jump off a building. I’m going to check it out.”

Yu Xinqiao was taken aback for a moment, then also grabbed his coat and said, “I’ll go with you.”

Not only did he not untie the tie, but he also re-tied it.

On the way, Xu Yanhuan briefed Yu Xinqiao on the general situation. This case was one of the two pro bono legal aids he recently took on, and the person involved was a sixteen-year-old boy.

The incident started with the boy and his mother enduring long-term domestic violence from his father. One day, when he returned home from school, he witnessed his father assaulting his mother again. In a fit of anger, he grabbed the household clock and threw it at his father, causing him to suffer a fractured skull and intracranial bleeding, leaving him in a coma until now.

Due to being a minor and the special nature of the case, the boy’s mental state had become on the verge of collapse since injuring his father. Currently, he was under police custody in the hospital, accompanied by his mother.

The incident took place on the rooftop of a hotel near the hospital.

After getting off the car at the location, they were allowed by the police to take the elevator to the top floor and then climb a set of stairs. Pushing open the iron door to the rooftop, a strong gust of wind greeted them. Yu Xinqiao stumbled and almost lost his balance, but fortunately, Xu Yanhuan caught him and said, “Wait for me here.”

Yu Xinqiao couldn’t rest assured and followed along.

The boy’s mother, a short and haggard middle-aged woman, couldn’t help but burst into tears when she saw Xu Yanhuan. She said, “Lawyer Xu, I’m sorry for disturbing you so late, but Xiao Hai, he…”

Xu Yanhuan reassured her, saying, “It’s alright. Where is he now?”

The woman led him forward, and amidst the flickering neon lights, at the edge where the building met the sky, a thin figure sat there. His hair flew in the wind, and the slightly oversized hospital gown billowed as if a stronger gust could blow him away.

The police and firefighters had arrived a while ago. When Xu Yanhuan approached, he was questioned by the police. Upon learning that he was a lawyer, the police remained cautious, saying, “The person with suicidal tendencies is emotionally unstable right now. Unless you’re someone he’s familiar with—”

“Lawyer Xu is a good person, and Xiao Hai listens to him,” the boy’s mother interjected. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have called him.”

After confirming the situation, Xu Yanhuan was allowed to pass. He bowed and crossed the police cordon that had been set up.

Yu Xinqiao could only wait in place with the boy’s mother.

The wind blew wildly, brushing away the hair that obstructed his view, and Yu Xinqiao saw Xu Yanhuan’s figure growing farther away, gradually blending into the darkness of the night, no longer as tall as before.

He became lonely, just like before.

Xu Yanhuan stopped at a position about three meters from the edge of the building. He raised his voice slightly and said, “Xiao Hai, why are you out here so late?”

The boy named Xiao Hai turned his head slowly, took a numb look at the person’s face, and then turned away.

“Leave me alone, all of you,” he said. “I know that no matter how much defense I have, it’s useless. I’m going to spend many years in prison.”

“Who said defense is useless?” Xu Yanhuan asked. “Don’t you even trust me as your lawyer?”

The boy’s shoulders trembled. “I… I almost killed him.”

The “him” he referred to naturally meant his father, who had been severely injured.

Xu Yanhuan said, “It wasn’t intentional on

 your part. He was at fault first.”

“I’m so tired,” the boy shook his head and said despondently. “My life is over, and I’ve also burdened my mother.”

“Whether it’s a burden or not, you should ask your mother instead of indulging in these thoughts here,” Xu Yanhuan’s voice was firm. “But I can tell you with certainty that your life is not over.”

These words struck a sensitive nerve in the boy. He turned his head and shouted, “What do you people who haven’t experienced it know! Have you ever lived in darkness since childhood, not knowing where your next meal would come from, living day by day in uncertainty? Have you ever been afraid to go home after school, spending days hiding and running? Do you know what it feels like to not see a future, to not dare to hope for anything?”

“I know,” Xu Yanhuan said. “I know what it feels like.”

In the crowd not far away, Yu Xinqiao was startled when he heard these words.

The boy sitting on the edge of the building also froze, his mouth opening and closing several times without uttering a word.

Perhaps it was the look in Xu Yanhuan’s eyes, a kind of firmness that seemed forged from personal suffering, that made it impossible not to believe him.

“It is precisely because I know that I cherish what I have in the present even more.”

Xu Yanhuan’s voice carried by the wind reached the crowd and entered Yu Xinqiao’s ears.

“Believe me, your life has just begun. As long as you get through this period, there are countless possibilities waiting for you.”

Almost as soon as the words fell, a firefighter, secured with a safety rope, climbed up from the lower level and, catching the boy off guard, pounced on him and pinned him to the ground.

The rescue operation was over, and the aftermath was being cleaned up.

In the chaos, Yu Xinqiao saw the boy’s mother rush forward and embrace her son, her mournful cries echoing in the sky.

He also saw Xu Yanhuan seemingly let out a sigh of relief, turning around and, through the crowd, giving him a faint smile that said, “Everything is okay.”

Yu Xinqiao smiled back at him, although a sense of inexplicable bitterness welled up in his heart.

Just a moment ago, as he watched Xu Yanhuan’s back, it was as if he saw the slightly slender figure of the youth, a straight spine that had never been overwhelmed by hardships, from when he was eighteen years old.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone took the elevator downstairs.

Xu Yanhuan went with the police to make a statement, while Yu Xinqiao waited for him in the hotel lobby.

Because of the attempted suicide incident, a police cordon was also set up outside the hotel. Many guests came out to join in the excitement or inquire at the front desk.

“I heard it was a little kid around ten years old who wanted to jump off the building.”

“I’m telling you, the psychological resilience of kids nowadays is too weak. They are always seeking death at the slightest difficulty.”

“It’s all because of indulgent parents. They can’t endure any hardship.”

“I also heard that the kid wasn’t a guest at the hotel; he ran over from the neighboring hospital.”

“The hotel’s security is not good. How did they let him go up to the top floor?”

“Yeah, it’s too unsafe. Let’s complain together later.”

…

Yu Xinqiao hadn’t fully recovered from the recent danger. As he listened to the indifferent discussions of the people around him, he felt the wind from the rooftop was still blowing. He couldn’t help but raise his collar, covering half of his face.

In theory, this disguise was low-key enough, but unexpectedly, he was recognized by someone.

“Yu Xinqiao, is it you?” A young man in a long coat walked over, confirming from a close distance and smiling. “You looked like him from afar, but I didn’t expect it to be really you.”

Yu Xinqiao was stunned for a moment, pointing to himself with his index finger. “You… know me?”

Having heard that Yu Xinqiao had amnesia, the young man introduced himself and said his name was Xie Ming’an, a classmate and friend of Yu Xinqiao’s from abroad.

“I play the violin, and I often bumped into you in the practice room. Later, I took the initiative to chat with you and invited you to have a meal. We became acquainted through that.”

Yu Xinqiao couldn’t remember any of it and apologized, “My amnesia really couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

“It’s me who came back at the wrong time,” Xie Ming’an smiled and said, “If I had returned earlier, maybe I could have accompanied you or caught some of the heat from your concert.”

With the unreserved tone, it seemed that the two of them were indeed quite familiar before.

Finally, someone appeared who had knowledge of those six years. Yu Xinqiao took out his phone and said, “Which one are you in my WeChat? The repertoire for this performance has been finalized, but we can collaborate in the future if there’s a chance.”

Xie Ming’an also took out his phone and displayed a QR code. “Add me back first. You blocked me before.”

Yu Xinqiao was taken aback. “How could that be…”

But Xie Ming’an had an open-minded attitude. “I was pursuing you back then, and when you didn’t agree, I continued to pursue you. That’s why you blocked me.”

Yu Xinqiao felt even more embarrassed. “I can’t believe such a thing happened.”

“It’s okay. If I couldn’t pursue you, we can just be friends,” Xie Ming’an smiled again. “You mentioned future collaboration, so keep your word.”

“…Alright.”

The two of them chatted for a while longer.

Xie Ming’an had recently returned to the country and was now staying in a hotel room here. He had come down to see what the commotion outside was about.

When asked how he ended up here, Yu Xinqiao said, “The boy who jumped off the building… uh, he’s involved with a friend of mine.”

“Is your friend a lawyer?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never heard you mention it before.”

“We reconnected after I returned to the country.”

Xie Ming’an had just asked casually. After finishing the topic, he returned the focus to Yu Xinqiao. “I noticed that you’ve become more cheerful since returning to the country.”

“Really?” Yu Xinqiao was curious. “What was I like when I was abroad?”

Xie Ming’an leaned in as if whispering a secret. Yu Xinqiao noticed that his eyes slightly drooped at the corners, the opposite of someone with sharp and intense eyes. People with this kind of appearance seemed much more approachable and easy to get along with.

“You seemed quite melancholic, as if you had suffered a heavy blow,” Xie Ming’an tapped his own chest. “A wounded heart.”

“At that time, I wondered who would dare to hurt you. If it were me—”

Before he could finish speaking, Yu Xinqiao’s wrist was suddenly grabbed, and he was forcefully pulled away. By the time he reacted, he was already one meter away from Xie Ming’an.

Looking up, he saw Xu Yanhuan’s face, which couldn’t distinguish between joy and anger. Yu Xinqiao introduced him first, “This is Mr. Xie, my friend from abroad. We happened to meet here.”

Xie Ming’an continued to smile and politely extended his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Xie Ming’an. I suppose you’re the lawyer friend that Xiaqiao mentioned.”

Whether it was an illusion or not, Yu Xinqiao sensed that he deliberately emphasized the word “friend.”

That hand hung in the air for a while before Xu Yanhuan finally shook it.

Speaking in a cold voice, Xu Yanhuan said, “Hello, I’m Xu Yanhuan.”

On the way back, under Yu Xinqiao’s questioning, Xu Yanhuan told him that the boy named Xiao Hai had already returned to the hospital with his mother and was only slightly injured with a scrape, so there was no major harm.

Yu Xinqiao let out a sigh of relief. “Luckily, we arrived in time.”

Back at home, Yu Xinqiao went online to search for similar cases abroad and collected a few for Xu Yanhuan as a reference.

One of them was a case that happened during his years in the United States. A Chinese-American boy, unable to bear his father’s long-term abuse of his mother, shot and killed his father and went on the run. After various twists and turns, he was acquitted and released on the spot due to insufficient evidence.

Having witnessed the entire incident just now, Yu Xinqiao naturally stood on Xiao Hai and his mother’s side. “Although this case is quite extreme, it still has some reference value, right?”

Xu Yanhuan accepted the information and expressed gratitude on behalf of Xiao Hai and his mother.

This made Yu Xinqiao feel embarrassed. “It’s just a small effort. There’s no need to thank me.”

Affected by the turmoil of the evening, Xu Yanhuan was restless. After reading the case files for a while, he took out a half pack of cigarettes from the bedside table in the guest room and walked toward the balcony in the living room.

Just as he lit a cigarette, Yu Xinqiao, who had just finished showering, saw him. He hurried over and snatched the cigarette from Xu Yanhuan’s mouth, extinguishing it in the ashtray on the windowsill.

Facing Xu Yanhuan’s questioning gaze, Yu Xinqiao confidently said, “If you’re not in a good mood, go to sleep. Don’t smoke.”

Xu Yanhuan chuckled. “Do you know why I’m not in a good mood?”

“Because Xiao Hai almost committed suicide.”

“And?”

“And…” Yu Xinqiao looked puzzled. “What else?”

Xu Yanhuan put away the cigarette and tucked it into his pocket. He took hold of Yu Xinqiao’s hand and led him back into the room, making him sit on the sofa.

Afraid that the scene from before they went out in the evening would repeat, Yu Xinqiao refused to sit down. “What’s the matter? Can’t you just say it directly?”

Xu Yanhuan asked directly, “Who is that surnamed Xie?”

“I already told you, he’s a friend from abroad.”

“What about me? Am I also a friend?”

“…,” Yu Xinqiao suddenly realized, “Are you interrogating me?”

“This is not an interrogation. It’s exercising the rights of a partner.”

As he spoke, Xu Yanhuan took off his glasses and casually wiped them with a tissue.

His overly calm demeanor and unnaturally indifferent attitude made Yu Xinqiao inexplicably feel that he was sharpening a knife rather than wiping his glasses.

In Yu Xinqiao’s memory, Xu Yanhuan had always been someone who rarely showed his emotions, hardly spoke, and even though he had become more gentle lately, often seen smiling, he shouldn’t forget how terrifying he could be when angry.

Forcing Yu Xinqiao to explain, he said, “I didn’t think much at that moment, it was just a casual remark…”

Xu Yanhuan remained silent on this matter.

After wiping his glasses and putting them back on, Xu Yanhuan picked up Yu Xinqiao’s phone, which was thrown on the coffee table, and handed it to him.

“Then tell him now, who am I to you.”

——————–

Author’s Note:

Xu Yanhuan: It makes me furious (but I won’t say it out loud).