Blue Moonlight

17. I regret it.

The silence didn't last long.

Xu Yanhuan furrowed his brows slightly. "Will?"

"Yes, a will," Yu Xinqiao said. "I wrote it before I lost my memory. It should have been notarized by now. Did I show it to you?"

Xu Yanhuan realized, "You think I hired someone..."

Yu Xinqiao didn't deny it. Just an hour ago, suspicions had arisen.

Xu Yanhuan looked somewhat incredulous. "You don't trust me?"

His hand, resting on the edge of the sofa, clenched suddenly. Yu Xinqiao turned his face away, no longer meeting his gaze.

He was afraid of being swayed by those deep eyes, afraid of softening his heart and indulging himself again.

Eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao began to understand the thoughts of twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao.

Xu Yanhuan hated him but wanted money, a lot of money. Twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao happened to have money, and he believed that his current self had enough power for Xu Yanhuan to be with him.

He was willing to give everything he had to Xu Yanhuan as long as Xu Yanhuan stayed by his side.

How pathetic, how foolish the idea was.

Eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao couldn't help but despise himself, but when he thought about what he would become six years later, it seemed completely reasonable.

At least that's how he thought at the time. Eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao was willing to give everything to get even a single glance from Xu Yanhuan.

And with that conclusion, Yu Xinqiao couldn't face this ridiculous marriage anymore.

He went into the bedroom, quickly packed a few changes of clothes, and went from leaving the door to getting in a taxi in less than five minutes.

He didn't dare to stay there for too long, nor did he dare to speak to Xu Yanhuan anymore.

Amidst the chaos, he seemed to hear Xu Yanhuan asking where he was going and saying he would investigate the matter. Yu Xinqiao didn't reply at all or, rather, he didn't know how to answer.

Sitting in the car, he opened his phone, and the first message that came in was from Xu Yanhuan: "Take a moment to calm down. If you need anything, call me."

Yu Xinqiao stared at the rational sentences in the message for a full minute before switching to another screen and dialing Liang Yi's phone number.

At 2 PM, Liang Yi, wearing home clothes, met Yu Xinqiao at the entrance of the residential complex.

After registering with the security guard, Liang Yi took the backpack from Yu Xinqiao's hand and opened it. Seeing that it was filled with clothes, he exclaimed, "Are you running away from home?"

Yu Xinqiao said, "I'll stay at your place for a few days."

"For a few days?" Liang Yi scratched his head with some frustration. "Mainly because my place is small and messy. I'm afraid you won't be comfortable..."

Once inside the house, Yu Xinqiao realized that not only was it small and messy, but there were also other people living there.

Hearing the sound of the door opening, the person sitting cross-legged on the sofa playing games jumped up and almost hit the ceiling.

That person enthusiastically opened his arms to Yu Xinqiao. "Xiao Qiao, long time no see!"

Yu Xinqiao didn't let himself be hugged.

Because he didn't recognize who this person was at all.

"Just now, Xiao Yi made a bet with me, saying that you definitely wouldn't recognize me. I didn't believe it at first," the person complained. "I didn't expect you really didn't recognize me."

"Well, it's not my fault," Yu Xinqiao put down his things and sat on the sofa. "Who would have thought that the short guy sitting in the third row back then would grow up to be as strong as a bear?"

The person chuckled. "Back when we were on the basketball team, you guys used to look down on me. If it were now, I could probably play center, right?"

Meeting a familiar face again in the world six years later eased Yu Xinqiao's frustrated mood a little.

"Yeah, Daye," he called out the nickname he gave to Shen Daye, "let's play a game when we have time."

"Don't we have time now?" Shen Daye raised his game controller. "Xiao Yi, you go cook, and I'll play a round with Qiao."

Liang Yi raised his middle finger. "...If you call me Xiao Yi again, get out!"

During the game, Yu Xinqiao learned from Shen Daye that he came to the capital for a business trip.

Upon hearing this, Liang Yi, who was doing something in the kitchen, exclaimed loudly, "Business trip, my ass! It's more like using the excuse of a business trip to eat, drink, and have fun."

Shen Daye still laughed, essentially admitting it.

Their family, when Yu Xinqiao was in his third year of high school, abandoned the musical instrument business and switched to e-commerce, buying and selling clothes. They made their first fortune, established their own factory for design and production, and seized the business opportunities during the rapid development of the internet, becoming a well-known domestic clothing company that is currently preparing for an IPO.

Yu Xinqiao joked, "I'll buy clothes from your store in the future. Can you give me a discount?"

"No problem with the discount. But my family mainly sells women's underwear. Do you need that?"

"...I can buy it for my mom. How about this? Get me a card, and let my mom go to your store to pick out what she wants."

"No problem!"

They also talked about Yu Xinqiao's amnesia. Shen Daye observed him carefully from head to toe and remarked, "No wonder, you look exactly the same as in high school."

Liang Yi laughed upon hearing that. "He has amnesia, not Benjamin Button syndrome."

Yu Xinqiao disagreed, "Is being twenty-four years old considered old?"

"Well, it's definitely older than eighteen."

The three of them sat around a small round table and had lunch together.

It was basically instant noodles with sausages and eggs. Shen Daye took a bite of the ham sausage in the noodles and commented, "The sausages from Xiao Yi's family's convenience store were tastier."

Liang Yi raised an eyebrow, "Back in the day, I personally selected all the snacks sold in my store. Those sausages had a 90% meat content. Can starch-filled sausages compare?"

Yu Xinqiao didn't know what the taste of those sausages was like. Every time, he would give his portion to Wang Kun.

Suddenly, he regretted it. "I should have tried it back then."

Liang Yi said, "You're picky. Now you can't have it even if you want to."

Speaking of the past, the three of them were filled with infinite nostalgia.

Shen Daye suggested, "How about you open a small convenience store downstairs?"

Liang Yi chewed his noodles and glanced at him, saying, "You want to invest?"

"Sure, I was actually thinking of starting my own business," Shen Daye looked at Yu Xinqiao and added, "Would you like to join in, Xiao Qiao?"

Yu Xinqiao sneered, "Stealing my agent was one thing, but now you want me, a piano player, to sell sausages?"

Slapping his forehead, Shen Daye said, "Right, almost forgot that we all have jobs."

After finishing their meal, Yu Xinqiao voluntarily cleaned up the bowls and chopsticks. As he placed them next to the charging phone on the sofa, it rang. Shen Daye unplugged it and handed it to him, saying, "Xiao Qiao, it's a call for you."

Yu Xinqiao glanced at the caller ID and turned his face away, saying, "I'm not answering."

Shen Daye, puzzled, took a quick look at the caller ID and exclaimed, "Holy crap!"

After obtaining Yu Xinqiao's permission, Liang Yi revealed to Shen Daye the fact that Yu Xinqiao was already married. After a while, Shen Daye was still in a state of shock.

"Is it really the same Xu Yanhuan from our class back then?" he confirmed repeatedly, "Not another person with the same name?"

Liang Yi said, "His name has some uncommon characters. Have you ever known anyone with that name?"

"In that case, Xiao Qiao, did we succeed? Did we win Xu Ge over?" Shen Daye asked.

"Sort of," Liang Yi replied.

Shen Daye thought Yu Xinqiao was amazing, as it seemed like he had accomplished something as difficult as *scooping the moon out of the water.

TN:"水中捞月" (shuǐ zhōng lāo yuè): Scooping the moon out of the water - An impossible endeavor.

Liang Yi chuckled and said, "You really know how to use idioms."

During the fruit time after dinner, Shen Daye said, "But you know, back then, I had a hunch that you two would end up together."

"How so?" Yu Xinqiao asked.

"When it came to Xu Ge, it was obvious that he treated you differently from others," Shen Daye tried to describe, scratching his head.

Hearing this, Yu Xinqiao, who had been silent on the topic, paused and asked, "How was he different?"

Shen Daye scratched his head, struggling to explain, "With others, Xu Ge couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge them, but with you, he knew to hide and would run away like he had a radar whenever he saw you."

"..." Yu Xinqiao was speechless. "Indeed, he was different."

Liang Yi burst into laughter.

Yu Xinqiao didn't tell Shen Daye about the various things between him and Xu Yanhuan. Shen Daye assumed they were just having a quarrel and treated this place as his in-law's home.

As they played until late at night, Liang Yi took out bed sheets and a blanket from the cabinet and made a bed on the living room floor.

He handed over the only room to Yu Xinqiao, saying, "You have a messed-up brain and need a quiet place to rest."

Yu Xinqiao almost used his insured hands to punch him.

Before saying goodnight, Liang Yi brought the charger into the room and casually asked, "Have you asked him about the car accident?"

Yu Xinqiao had just finished a phone call with his parents who had arrived in the United States. It was difficult to fabricate lies and present the car accident as an accident. Now that he had relaxed a bit, exhaustion washed over him.

Squatting by the edge of the bed, supporting his head with his palm, Yu Xinqiao shook his head slowly and said, "It wasn't him."

Liang Yi said, "I was impulsive during the day, but after thinking about it carefully, I don't think he did it. If my speculations have affected your relationship, I apologize to both of you."

Yu Xinqiao said, "It's alright," and gave a curious look, wanting to hear the details.

Liáng Yì began explaining, "After all, you make so much money. If it were me, I would definitely have a long-term vision, keeping you to earn even more money for me. I wouldn't do something foolish like killing the goose that lays the golden eggs."

"...Are you praising me?" Yu Xinqiao asked.

"You could say that." After joking around, Liáng Yì became serious. "Putting aside personal character, I don't know him well, and I don't know what happened in these six years. But I'm certain he's not stupid. Don't forget, he studied law. How could he use such a low-level and full of loopholes method?"

Yu Xinqiao pursed his lips and remained silent.

He should have thought about all of this earlier.

So, rather than not believing in Xu Yanhuan, it's more accurate to say that he doesn't believe in himself, that he doesn't believe there's a possibility of being loved in this relationship.

"But..." Yu Xinqiao let out a sigh. "I feel like I've failed in this marriage."

Liáng Yì approached and sat by the bed. "I asked you before, if you were afraid of failure when starting anew in your career in China. Do you remember?"

Yu Xinqiao knew that the "before" he mentioned was when he hadn't lost his memory, the twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao.

"What... How did I answer back then?"

"You said that before making any decision, you must prepare yourself with courage, including the courage to admit failure."

Yu Xinqiao was taken aback.

Liáng Yì said, "I guess you had the same mindset when it came to relationships, which is why you decided to be with him."

"Even if it ends in failure, the Yu Xinqiao I know would never regret it."

In the following days, Yu Xinqiao stayed at Liáng Yì's house, playing games during the day and occasionally going out for a stroll. While walking, he wondered if the neighbor had taken the cat and also thought about Huán Huán.

Huanhuan the hedgehog.

In the evenings, Manager Liang would make him watch his old performance videos and encourage him, saying, "Cheer up, Qiao! Even if you're unlucky in love, our career must thrive!"

Shěn Dáyě echoed, "Unlucky in love, successful in career! Hey? It's just a minor disagreement, it's not such a serious setback."

Yu Xinqiao muttered, "...Thank you both for constantly reminding me of this."

As spring arrived, the weather in the capital grew warmer with each passing day.

On this particular night, Yu Xinqiao felt inexplicably unsettled. He opened and closed a window repeatedly, which annoyed Liáng Yì. He told him that if he felt hot, he could go sit in the stairwell where it would be cool.

Yu Xinqiao did just that. As he stepped out of the hallway, he saw a person standing near a cluster of newly verdant trees ahead. Clad in black clothes and pants, tall and slender.

He immediately turned back.

Xu Yanhuan caught up and said, "The situation has been clarified."

Yu Xinqiao responded with a simple "Oh," walked over to the elevator, and pressed the up button.

Being a lawyer, Xu Yanhuan quickly explained the situation while they waited for the elevator for less than a minute. He mentioned that the police had already identified the employer who hired the hitman. It was a relative of a defendant he had dealt with in a previous case. Xu Yanhuan had relentlessly pursued the victim's interests in court, resulting in a severe sentence for the defendant and a substantial compensation payment. The relative held a grudge and hired the hitman to commit the murder.

After explaining, Xu Yanhuan showed Yu Xinqiao the call records from that day and said, "It was the old lady you met before. Her phone was broken, so she borrowed my phone to call the landlord, who refused to meet her, and asked him to testify for her daughter in court."

Yu Xinqiao glanced at the call duration, which was one hour and twenty-three minutes, precisely the time he couldn't reach Xu Yanhuan.

But he had no words to respond because he had already dismissed his doubts.

The elevator doors opened, and as Yu Xinqiao was about to enter, he casually said, "Take care of yourself." However, Xu Yanhuan raised his arm to block the door.

He asked, "Don't you have anything else to say to me?"

Yu Xinqiao's mind was in chaos at that moment, and numerous thoughts flooded his head—

Someone really wanted to kill him. Is being a lawyer that dangerous?

Apart from asking him to take care, should he hire a few bodyguards?

Bodyguards can also get distracted. Maybe he should wear a bulletproof vest and replace the car windows with bulletproof glass.

Fortunately, I was the one driving that day.

...

By the time he finished his thoughts, the elevator doors had closed.

Xu Yanhuan patiently waited for a while and finally heard Yu Xinqiao's muffled voice saying, "I wrongly accused you. I'm sorry."

When leaving Liáng Yì's house, Yu Xinqiao didn't forget to take his backpack, but this time it was Xu Yanhuan who carried it for him.

Initially, Yu Xinqiao wanted to struggle a bit more. He cast a pleading look at Liáng Yì as if seeking help, but before he could finish saying, "I still don't..." he saw Xu Yanhuan speaking to Liáng Yì on his own, "I apologize for the trouble these past few days."

Yu Xinqiao: "..."

After packing everything at the door, Xu Yanhuan thanked Liáng Yì and Shěn Dáyě for taking care of Yu Xinqiao. "Here's my business card. Feel free to contact me anytime if you need anything."

Liáng Yì and Shěn Dáyě received the business cards with trembling hands, intimidated by Xu Yanhuan's gloomy expression and the intimidating aura he emanated. They could only nod and bow reflexively, saying, "Okay, no trouble at all. It's not a problem."

Yu Xinqiao felt extremely embarrassed.

He felt like a child who had been caught after playing outside too much and was now walking into the house with a drooping head. As the door closed behind him with a loud "bang," it seemed to announce his death sentence.

Meanwhile, Xu Yanhuan, acting as if nothing had happened, helped hang the clothes from the backpack in the wardrobe.

Coming out of the room, Xu Yanhuan saw Yu Xinqiao still standing at the door and approached him, asking, "Why don't you come in?"

The blue slippers were right by Yu Xinqiao's feet, but he didn't want to change into them.

He felt that he shouldn't have come back, that he had no right or position to be here.

But Xu Yanhuan insisted on bringing him back and placed the slippers by his feet.

It made it seem as if this place was his home too.

Yu Xinqiao silently resisted, finally pushing Xu Yanhuan's patience to its limit.

Xu Yanhuan's face turned frighteningly ugly, and in an almost commanding tone, he said, "Speak."

Yu Xinqiao lowered his head, his shoulders trembling. "W-what else do you want me to say?"

I have already apologized, haven't I?

However, what Xu Yanhuan wanted to hear wasn't an apology.

The days of restlessness had brought him to the verge of collapse. It was better not to see Yu Xinqiao at all, but once he did, the suppressed emotions since their marriage surged through his blood, almost uncontrollable.

Unable to tolerate the stalemate any longer, Xu Yanhuan raised his hand, gripping Yu Xinqiao's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

Then, to his astonishment, he noticed that Yu Xinqiao's eyes were bloodshot, filled with tears that seemed ready to spill with the slightest blink.

He hadn't intended to make him cry.

Yu Xinqiao's face was completely lost, and he thought to himself that it was all Xu Yanhuan's fault. Why did he have to be so harsh and scare me like that?

As if hearing his thoughts, the hostility surrounding Xu Yanhuan quickly dissipated, and he became calm.

His voice was deep, devoid of blame. "Didn't I tell you not to cry anymore?"

Yu Xinqiao struggled to hold back his tears, his nose wrinkling. "But I-I'm only eighteen."

The eighteen-year-old Yu Xinqiao had been struck by happiness, fulfilling his long-standing wish. How could he bear to break the current tranquility and dig deeper to uncover the truth?

But he had unwittingly shattered it himself. He discovered the cracks in this marriage and touched the hidden dirt within. He couldn't play dumb or pretend everything was fine anymore.

Yu Xinqiao sniffed. "You lied to me. You've been lying to me."

"I didn't lie to you," Xu Yanhuan said.

"You lied to me when you said we were getting along well after we got married."

"We were getting along well."

"Then, did we...ever kiss after we got married?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Occasionally?"

"No, every day."

Receiving such an answer, Yu Xinqiao felt not happiness but rather increased discomfort.

"How am I supposed to believe you?" He reached into his pocket, took out his phone, and showed Xu Yanhuan the WeChat conversation. "Before the first car accident, before the amnesia, I sent you this message."

Xu Yanhuan focused his gaze on the screen, and there was only one sentence—let's forget about it.

God knows how Yu Xinqiao felt when he first saw this message. He thought maybe they had an argument, and the twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao was being stubborn. But the twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao had approached Xu Yanhuan with all his heart, so happy to marry him. Even his phone password was their wedding anniversary. How could he easily let go like that? How disappointed must he have been to consider giving up?

"Why didn't you reply?" Yu Xinqiao asked, "Because the post-amnesia me is naive and easy to deceive, so you didn't want me to regain my memories?"

"I—" 

Before Xu Yanhuan could answer, Yu Xinqiao asked again, "And the kisses every day, how can that be possible...isn't it disgusting? Don't you hate me?"

Yu Xinqiao was always impulsive and had a fiery temperament, daring to love and hate. Now he regressed back to being eighteen years old, even more wild and uncontrolled, without restraint.

But he was determined, without retreat, without regrets.

He couldn't pretend anymore, couldn't continue to play the mature and steady twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao. But he still had to stand up for the twenty-four-year-old Yu Xinqiao. "Do you know how I spent those six years? Have you ever thought about how I approached you with what kind of feelings? You saw me and ran away, you said you hated me and didn't want to see me again. Can I not think that you were forced to marry me, and that you treated me well for money?"

"My mother was right. We should get a divorce now, while I can't remember anything—"

As he was getting into the momentum, Yu Xinqiao noticed that the hand holding his chin suddenly loosened and moved to the back of his head. Along with the pressure in his palm, he leaned forward, and the looming figure in front of him pressed down abruptly.

Along with a pair of warm and dry lips.

Xu Yanhuan held onto the back of Yu Xinqiao's head, his slender fingers tangled in his soft hair. The motion of leaning over and kissing his lips carried a fierce determination.

It was as if he had been enduring for a long time, and his boiling blood had reached its boiling point. If he didn't do something soon, he would go crazy.

Yu Xinqiao was stunned, realizing that he was kissing Xu Yanhuan. At first, he futilely pushed him a few times, but soon, due to lack of oxygen, his limbs weakened, and he lost strength. He let Xu Yanhuan capture his lips and tongue, invading his territory, making his whole body be infused with his presence.

It looked so cold, but the breath that came into contact was so scorching hot.

It seemed like a long time had passed, yet it also felt like a fleeting moment. Yu Xinqiao leaned on Xu Yanhuan's shoulder, taking big breaths, feeling his head heavy and his feet light, needing something to lean on in order to stand firm.

In a voice that was far from steady, Xu Yanhuan said, "I regret it."

It was unclear which sentence he was responding to.

In Yu Xinqiao's memories of his eighteen-year-old self, Xu Yanhuan had never

 been afraid of anything.

He was poor but proud, had nothing but never bowed his head. He didn't accept anyone's sympathy or charity, and no matter where he stood, he held himself tall, as if no difficulty could ever defeat him.

But now, he held a human being who should be a thousand times more fragile than him, trembling because of fear, even his breath was trembling.

"Don't get a divorce." Xu Yanhuan gently kissed away the tears on Yu Xinqiao's cheek and said, "Let's not get a divorce, okay?"

Yu Xinqiao thought he must have misheard.

Otherwise, why would it sound so much like a plea?