Before My Withering

When I returned to the dormitory, I didn’t expect my roommate to still be there.

I lived in a double room. My roommate Xu Xingze, like me, was one of the few art students in this school. He studied painting while mine was the cello.

Xu Xingze was an alpha with tangerine flavored pheromone. The whole person was as sunny and lively as his pheromone.

Because I’m a beta, AO pheromones do not affect me. So Xu Xingze had never used pheromone-blocking agents in dormitory.

As soon as I entered the door, I smelled a faint tangerine aroma.

“Eh, Xiao Yu, you’re back.” Xu Xingze revealed a bright smile.

I nodded and asked, “Didn’t you return home?”

“I’m not quite satisfied with my graduation work and want to change it a bit more. The school’s studio environment is more capable of keeping me engaged.” said Xu Xingze.

As I spoke, I saw a half-sketched watercolor on the easel in front of him. Xu Xingze specialized in Western oil painting, but he enjoys drawing small refreshing watercolor paintings in private.

I walked over whilst he frowned and said, “Xiao Yu, you’ve lost so much weight.”

“I…” I touched my face and lied uncomfortably: “Practicing in seclusion… I lost a bit of sleep so I keep forgetting to eat…”

“That’s not okay.” Xu Xingze stood up. He cupped up my face and pinched it. “Let’s go, I’ll take you to eat delicious food.”

Xu Xingze was a year older than me and always liked to treat me like a child. For the sake of his four years of college of helping me buy food with umbrella, I let him rub and fiddle.

I was tired all night yesterday evening. I didn’t eat in the morning, so I was a bit dazed when I walked. When Xu Xingze gave a lift on my back when he helped me open the car. He then complained to himself, “You’re not practicing in seclusion. You’ve been tied up and hungry for half a month.”

I pretended not to hear. I wormed my way into the car and fiddled with my cell phone.

The screen was still on the chat page with Qi Shu. He seldom takes the initiative to send me messages. Most of the contents would be 【Come here tonight】, 【Come to the office】, 【Clean up. Xiao Wu will pick you up】and so on.

Scrolling up, the longest one in the recent month was, 【I won’t be back for a while, so don’t wait for me. Ask Aunt Zhang to cook what you want to eat, or call Xiao Wu to buy it and send it to you.】 

That morning, Qi Shu said that he would come back to have dinner with me in the afternoon. I went into the kitchen early to prepare his favorite dishes with Aunt Zhang. When I received the news, the sweet and sour pork just came out of the pot.

I had dinner by myself while he stayed up all night.

The next morning, I saw Qi Shu in the entertainment section of the newspaper holding a beautiful young omega as he left a nightclub. A few days later, I saw the omega at Qi Shu’s house.

Eighteen or nineteen years old, fresh and clean, like the budding gardenia on the branch.¹

I stood upstairs, watching him follow Qi Shu with his cheeks flushed, timidly pulling Qi Shu’s sleeve.

It’s a pity.²

 But Qi Shu didn’t know how to pity and cherish jade.³ He wrapped his arms tmega around the omega’s waist and took her back to the master bedroom without looking up at me at all.

 I thought maliciously, ‘So young, and such a thin body. He might not be able to withstand Qi Shu’s tossing.’

It’s only a plaything. Qi Shu won’t show mercy.

It’s only a plaything.

Me too.

“Xiao Yu, what are you thinking about?”

The phone had automatically locked. When I returned to my senses, I saw my face reflected on the black screen.

“It’s nothing… What are we eating?” I asked.

“Eat that Japanese food you like the most.” Xu Xingze smiled brightly.

Ten minutes later, he parked outside a tall office building. There was a private Japanese restaurant tucked away in the building. We’ve been here many times together.

Qi Shu didn’t like Japanese food and never came with me.

Xu Xingze knew what was going on between me and Qi Shu, and was grateful that he didn’t show any disdain to me, nor accused me of saying, “this isn’t right”.

He just touched my head and said, “Xiao Yu, it’s good that you don’t regret it.”

I didn’t expect to bump into Qi Shu here.

When entering the door, Xu Xingze was telling me that he had been thinking about sea urchin rolls for half a month, and he was waiting for me to eat them together. I told him that he should take it easy, and reminded him the last time he ate six in one sitting, he went home with diarrhea.

He laughed and said, “You talk a lot.” Then we looked up and saw Qi Shu coming out of the elevator.

Qi Shu looked like he had just finished the meeting. His suit was crease-free and his hair was meticulous. He was followed by secretaries and bodyguards, all of whom were elite alphas.

I wanted to avoid him but it was already too late. When Qi Shu saw me, he frowned imperceptibly, then moved his eyes to Xu Xingze beside me.

I wasn’t affected by AO pheromones before the gland transplant. But now, I’m overwhelmed by the pheromones that Qi Shu and Xu Xingze suddenly released.

High-ranked alphas naturally repulsed each other. The two of them are fighting against each other, making me who was in the middle suffer.

I was so dizzy that I almost lost my footing. Fortunately, Xu Xingze picked me up, retracted his pheromone and asked in a low voice, “Xiao Yu, are you ok?”

I shook my head and got up from his arm.

“Sorry…” Xu Xingze apologized with slight chagrin.

“It’s okay.”

I turned to Qi Shu and lowered my eyes. I didn’t dare to look at his face. There was only a pair of spotless black leathered shoes at the end of my sight.

“Mr. Qi.” I whispered.

I could feel Qi Shu’s cold, scrutinizing gaze.

Fortunately, he said nothing and withdrew his eyes in just a few seconds then left with his people.

Even as I ate, I still felt nervous. I couldn’t even eat my usual favorite, kimbap tempura.

Xu Xingze looked at me worriedly and said, “Sorry Xiao Yu, I forgot that you can be affected by pheromones. But I didn’t control it just now.”

“I don’t blame you.” I managed to smile. “I haven’t got used to it myself.”

“I heard that over time, the artificial gland will gradually be suitable for the human body. Why do I think your condition turned for the worse instead… Or you should go to the hospital to have it checked?” Xu Xingze said.

“I…” I couldn’t think of a reason to refuse, so I had to promise, “I’ll go when I have time.”

 “You don’t have time,” Xu Xingze interrupted, “I’ll go with you this afternoon.”

We didn’t make it to the hospital. On the way, I received a message from Qi Shu, asking me to go over to his company now.

Xu Xingze looked like he wanted to tell me something, but didn’t say anything in the end. He turned the car around and sent me to Qi Shu’s company.

When I got off and bid goodbye to him, Xu Xingze called out to me and hesitantly asked, “Are you going back to school today?”

I couldn’t figure out what Qi Shu was thinking, so I answered truthfully, “I don’t know…”

“…Forget it.” Xu Xingze sighed, “See you.”

The author has something to say:

Today’s playlist: 《Spring and Autumn》

[I haven’t been rewritten by you. How can my life be filled with worries? I haven’t been hated by you. Written as love history and turned into waste paper]

¹budding gardenia on the branch — yet to be touched aka a virgin 

²我见犹怜 【pin. wǒ jiàn yóu lián】which roughly translates to “even i cannot help loving her upon seeing her”

³pity and cherish jade —  It is a metaphor for a man’s caring for the woman he loves or for the fairer sex.