An Upgraded Soul

Today was the 'Global Cultural Fest' conducted in their Stone Mountain international school as a symbolic gesture of acceptance of people from all backgrounds, countries, cultures.

Usually, this fest was conducted three months after the start of the new term. The school allows the students to adapt to the environment and climate in this school and to get along with each other and the teachers during this time period. So this fest ill.u.s.trates the start of the new life of these new students in this school where everyone would treat this school as their second home and their schoolmates as family members.

All the cultures are given precedence as the students are allowed and supported to represent their culture through food, dance, dressing, music etc. it was the one of the most enjoyable cultural fest conducted by the school.

Seniors who were given the responsibility of getting the junior adapt to the school life were also given the duty to manage this program under the guidance of teachers. The fest had started at the start of the evening from 4:00 pm and had continued till 9:00 pm, all the students were laughing and joking as they walked back to their dormitories. Senior students who were volunteers were supervising the last works of cleaning the venue.

Aditya's heart was beating very fast as he walked shoulder to shoulder with the queen of his dreams, it felt like liquid adrenaline had been injected into his blood. He hoped that this moment lasted forever as they walked alongside a lake on the school premises. Though it was dark, many street lamps were glowing which lit up the park alongside the lake. One or two ripples could be seen from time to time on the lake as some fishes swam in and out. The night air was cool and fresh as it had rained in the morning. Luckily it stopped by the time the fest programs had started.

He had decided that he would confess to Anu today at any cost. As he thought how he was stoned when he saw her for the first time last year. Her big eyes, thick lips which made him want to bite them, her beautiful oval face which made him want to hold it with his palms. He had never felt like this before so he had treasured this feeling. Her confident demeanour, her prideful manner made him want to treat her like a princess.

She was the one, he knew it when he saw her the first time, he had loved her with a passion hotter than a thousand suns. She was his true north, he wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

As he gazed at her who was like banished fairy immortal from heaven walking beside him with soft steps, he felt that she had stars in her soft, delicate hands and flower petals on her feet. Anupama had worn a beautiful light pink party dress today, it had soft blush hues, layers of floaty tulle. It had a gown silhouette with a halter neckline and strappy back detail which partially exposed her back. He could see embroidery and rhinestones on her tulle top and a tulle skirt with rhinestones at the waist.

Aditya had worn a grey, black blazer with white cotton shirt inside and matching black trousers, he had put a lot of work for he thought that today was going to be the best day of his life and also the most memorable one. He looked at Anu who was sipping a drink he brought her. It was non-alcoholic white gr.a.p.e spritzer. It had frozen gr.a.p.es added to it which dropped to the bottom, they acted as both garnish and ice.

They talked as they walked slowly about many issues, they discussed the program, her dress, his dancing, their curriculum, at last, they stopped at the edge of the lake as they remained calm for a while.

It was a pain for Aditya to remain calm in this ambiguous atmosphere. He knew that he could delay any longer. As Aditya turned with the intention to propose his love to her, he saw that Anupama had also turned towards him and ask, "Adi, what kind of a life partner do you dream of to spend the rest of your life?"

Aditya was stunned when he heard Anupama's words, the whole momentum he built to express his love was lost at once. He was slightly puzzled about this question as Aditya usually didn't think too much about his future.

Seeing that Aditya was silent, Anupama smiled and said, "Okay, let me speak first, do you know about my parents?"

Aditya shook his head as he only knew that Anupama was from an affluent family but did not know her details accurately. Anupama seemed to know the answer as she continued, "My father is an industrialist from the south as for my mother, she is a minister in the state cabinet, let's not talk about specifics as it is too boring."

Aditya listened to Anupama's words attentively as he felt this was not idle talk. Anupama had a sad smile on her face as she adjusted her bangs behind her ear as she looked at Aditya and said, "Adi, do you know that from the time I was in school I had never spent more than a day with my family, my parents would always have maids and nannies take care of me."

"My parents' marriage was purely political marriage, an exchange of benefits, so there was never any emotions between my mother and father, they also didn't try to build a bond even after marriage."

"My father had started raising a mistress outside which was found by my mother, from then on they would always prefer to stay apart as much as possible, they did not like to quarrel like uncivilized people I suppose, so they just chose to stay off other's sight. I heard that my mother is also raising a lover outside as well nowadays. The marriage survived only on paper. The only days where I get to see them was when either of my parents was invited by other influential families for some important occasions. It depends on the time and their mood if they could meet me together on my birthday, otherwise, usually, they would meet me individually at different timings."

Aditya was shocked when he heard her words, he did not imagine that Anupama had such a difficult upbringing. He who had been fostered as the symbol of love of his parents could never imagine how a person would feel being brought up in an environment like Anupama's.

"Maybe I reminded my parents of each other, so my parents started keeping distance from me did not During my childhood, I did not understand the reason why my parents would not come home, so when I asked my nanny, she would reply that as long as I studied well and got good grades, my parents would come home and live together forever."

"Adi, do you know how the young, gullible me believed those words and worked hard every day to study and get the best grades. I would always think that as long as I got the best grades everything would be alright. I did not go out to play like other kids, I did not watch movies like others, I just concentrated on studying. Even now, though I know that all of that was false, I cannot get rid of my habit of studying and cannot think of doing something else, like you who have multiple talents."

Aditya did not care about Anupama's praise as he was still immersed in sadness at her childhood experience. He caught her hand and patted it. He wanted to hug her and promise her that everything was going to be alright, but he resisted as he felt, they were not at that stage yet.

Anupama smiled at Aditya's gesture as she continued, "Adi, can you imagine what kind of expectations that a girl who grew up like me would have on her lover or the person who she wants to devote herself or spend the rest of my life with?"

Anupama looked at the dark sky as she said, "first she has to feel secure in his hands, she has to be able to sleep soundly in his hands knowing that she will be protected from all kinds of harm, she needs lots of care, affection and love to help her heal her injured heart as she knows that her heart is very fragile like glass and will be broken on slight impact. So the girl would only open her heart when she was 100% sure of her choice, she was not ready to take any risk on her life at all. She knew she would be lost forever if she made the wrong or a hasty choice."

"Take for example you, Adi, I like you very much, you have always assisted me many times since you joined this school, I like your temperament, your humour, but I also know that you had fooled around with many girls in your tenth grade, I know you don't like to study and are planning to be a car racer which is not a promising career here, I know that you don't take your studies seriously, you tend to get into fights easily, I know what you and your friends did with Mayur, I would want to be your friend but to trust you with the rest of my life is not possible. I am just citing an example, it's not like you want me as your girlfriend, right?"

Anupama looked at Aditya with firm eyes and resolution. Aditya now knew why Anupama had spoken about all of her past life experience to him. His unspoken confession had been indirectly rejected. Anupama who had spoken about how her heart was fragile had not thought the same about Aditya's unfortunately. She didn't know how much space she had occupied in his heart. Aditya suddenly felt a vacuum in his heart and did not know what to do.

When he heard Anupama's opinion of him, Aditya felt the whole world turning upside down, till now Aditya had thought all the qualifications one needed to fall in love with each other was just 'love' itself, he thought as long as he sincerely loved Anupama, she would be happy. Only now did he realize that it was very naive of him to think and believe as such. He also felt that it was his mistake that he could not realize Anupama's expectations. He had never thought of his qualifications for loving someone, he was not brought up that way. Now he knew that he was unprepared for this. Was he prepared to give up his racing ambition for Anu? Was he prepared to study well and go after a steady career just for Anu? Would he be able to stay happy and make her feel happy and secure?

Aditya shook his head as he looked at Anupama who was watching his facial expressions intently, he smiled at her, turned out and walked away. His lonely figure cut a sorry shape in the dark night. The cool air suddenly felt freezing cold to him, the starless cloudy sky created the perfect environment for his dreams to die, his hopes to shatter. The darkness of the night was the perfect camouflage to his tears and trembling shoulders.

Aditya woke up with a jerk from his bed, bright sunlight was passing through the window, he could hear melodious chirping sounds of birds drifting like the ocean waves, the tune flies so high and resettles like waves. He got off his bed to look outside from his room window, the bright sunlight warmed his skin which proved that the coldness he felt was not real.

Aditya smiled as he looked at the blue sky but sadness lingered in his eyes. Though he knew it was a dream, he felt that the same scene would repeat had he confessed her. He had already dreamt this scene before so he was not as affected as he was for the first time. As Aditya was thinking of cleansing himself, Bhadra knocked on his door as he shouted, "Adi, Anupama is waiting for you in the cafeteria, come fast."