Advanced Multiverse Navigation Protocol

What the f.u.c.k do you mean by "it was an accident", you f.u.c.k.i.n.g struck me with a lightning bolt, at my daughter's wedding! Wait, f.u.c.k! Is Julia alright?! I swear, if you f.u.c.k.i.n.g harmed my daughter due to your own incompetence, then I don't care if you're a divine being or whatever, I'm going to end you!"

I was actually starting to become a bit intimidated. Look, I didn't mean to kill him. Don't drink divine wine and play with lighting, I guess?

"Don't worry, I didn't harm anyone." I tried to calm him down, but he wasn't having any of it, he wanted my head on a silver platter, I could see it in his eyes.

"No, you did! You f.u.c.k.i.n.g harmed, me! No, killed is the right word. You have ruined my daughter's wedding and probably scarred her for life, considering the corpse of her charred father is inside the church! And are you sure you didn't aim at me on purpose? The lightning bolt flew in from a nearby window, striking me horizontally, and not vertically like, you know, every single bolt of lightning in existence." I winced at this. Okay, I might have thought it would be cool to see if I could hit someone with a lightning bolt while drunk, it seemed like a perfectly fine idea at the time. Now, sober and rested, I can see this wasn't my best decision as of this date. And to make matters worse, it took me two weeks to get sober, so that's how long, Ethan, my victim of drunk induced, incomprehensible decision making, has been waiting for me in the Void.

Wait, doesn't time move differently in the Void than in the Divine Realm? I took out my "Divine Smartphone" (we really need to get better at naming our shit), ignoring Ethan's useless, frantic yelling, and searched for an article on "The Divine Wikipedia" (like seriously, we really need to get better at naming our shit).

While scrolling through the article I came to a stop and moved my face closer to the screen.

"Holy shit" Ethan finally stopped yelling when he heard me cursing and asked, "what is it? Did you realize how much of a useless piece of shit you are? That you might be the worst god in existence? How your father pretends to be proud of you, and how your mother pretends to love you?"

Ouch, that actually f.u.c.k.i.n.g hurt. "No, but I just remembered that there is pretty significant time dilation in the Void."

He looked towards me in slight confusion. "Okay, so I'm assuming that "this" is the Void." He spread out his arms wide to signify this statement, "and that you mean to tell me that time moves differently from what I'm used to in the Void. Is this correct?"

"Yes". I nodded, slightly taken aback by his deductive skills.

"So, how much time has passed?" His tone was extremely cold and distant, almost void of any emotion.

I gulped a bit and said, "well, if I did the math correctly, you've been here for around 2 billion Earth years."

I took a slight step back when I saw a weird aura surrounding Ethan. Eh?! Why does he feel as intimidating as my father?! Fortunately (for me), he calmed down, took a deep breath and spoke in his trademarked cold, tone. "So, everyone is gone? Well, of course, they are, 2 f.u.c.k.i.n.g billion years have passed." He was starting to sound deranged, his eyes looked so dead and were clouded over. F.u.c.k, I really did ruin his life, didn't I?

"So, what happens now? Am I going to be sent to hell to burn up for all of eternity?"

"Wait, why do you expect to be sent to hell?" I interrupted.

He shrugged and said, "can't you just f.u.c.k.i.n.g mind-r.a.p.e with your godly powers and search through my memories? Is that not what you gods are known for, being f.u.c.k.i.n.g degenerates, nihilists, rapists, psychotic, hypocritical and arrogant? All of these qualities are synonymous with your kind, so it wouldn't be too far-fetched for you to do that, "Mr. God In Training"."

Holy shit, this guy needs to chill. He does know that I could erase him instantly, right?

He turned to the side and glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, making me flinch at the look of ferocity. "Judging by your sour expression, you probably thought of something along the lines of 'I should end him, I can end him, or better yet, if he doesn't shut the f.u.c.k up soon, I'm going to torture him until he begs for death'. Way to prove my point, you f.u.c.k.i.n.g d.i.c.khead. And, your threats do not concern me one bit. I doubt someone with such an unsophisticated mind, could actually come up with a creative way of torturing me." His last sentenced was practically coated with a layer of poison.

This guy?! I probably looked like a f.u.c.k.i.n.g idiot right now, with my mouth hanging open and my eyes wide, but he was just too much. What, did he major in "Insults Class"?

He spat on the ground and asked a question, "so, how will I be compensated?"

"Huh?" I blurted out like an oxymoron (which is ironic, since I don't need oxygen to sustain myself).

"What do you mean 'huh', you heard me right the first time, HOW WILL I BE COMPENSATED?" This time he slowly pronounced every word for me, like I was a toddler learning to speak for the first time.

I scratched my chin, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't grate his nerves even further. "Well, normally I could have just revived you and sent you back to Earth, but that isn't really a choice, now is it?" I gave him a dry chuckle, which I immediately regretted when I saw the icy glare, he was sending my way.

"Buuut, I have something even better I can recompense you with. The opportunity to travel between worlds, annnndddd, an awesome system which will help you on your travels throughout the universe?" Peeww, it seems he didn't take offense to me winding the words and finishing off my offer with an exaggerated pose.

Ethan had a profound expression, most likely reflecting on my offer. Eventually, his glazed eyes regained their clarity, and he said, "okay, I accept your offer if you explain this 'system' and 'its' functions.

I clapped and said, "splendid, Ethan. You won't regret this, I'm sure of it (AN: Yeah right). The system will be integrated with your soul, gifting you with infinite potential and making your life all the more exciting. You will have the opportunity to travel to different worlds thanks to its 'Advanced Multiverse Navigation Protocol', or just AMNP for short. It also grants its user the ability to access a shop where every conceivable thing in the universe can be purchased, though, you do need sufficient credits, which I will now explain." I took a slight pause and continued.

"The system will have certain tasks for you to complete or missions if you prefer to call them that. They can give you credits, rare items, and other useful stuff, which will aid you immensely on your travels throughout the unpredictable and infinite multiverse. You subsequently will also be rewarded with credits, if you beat or kill someone in combat, where the appropriate amount of credits for said non-lethal or lethal tack down, will scale according to the strength of the adversary. The system also has more functions, but you will learn this along your travels. Also, you will be stripped of your memories, and they will most likely never return. Knowing this, do you still accept my gracious offer?" I took a deep breath. Wow, that was a long-winded and deep-rooted explanation.

Ethan shook his head and said, "Look, I have nothing to return to. So, you might as well just erase my memories." He wore a determined expression. Wow, that's the look of a man that has just resolved to start life anew, it's actually quite inspiring.

I coughed a little. Damn my trailing thoughts, why are you adoring a man in this fashion. Think heteros.e.x.u.a.l thoughts like 'I wonder what kind of u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r Aphrodite is currently wearing'. Ethan probably took offense to my adorned, l.e.w.d expression and said 'creep'. Hey!? That woman is f.u.c.k.i.n.g thiccc, alright!!!

"Seriously can you wipe that l.e.w.d expression off of your face, it's really unsettling and strange-looking." I deflated when I saw his look of disgust. Look, she really is thick.

"Do I get to choose the first world or is it random?" I answered almost instant, "no, you do not. I'm already doing a bit too much for you as is, and I don't feel like being punished by father for doing a mortal a few too many favors." I shuddered when mentioning my father, or demon, as most call him.

Ethan sighed in frustration, but I could see he came to terms with his current situation and just accepted it. "Are you ready?" Just making sure, don't want him having any lasting regrets, even though he won't remember anything, who am I kidding? I just want him f.u.c.k.i.n.g gone now, so I can get back to playing Smash Bros. with Zeus. The standing is still 17 to 16 in my favor, you lightning freak.

"Yeah, I am. I hope I never see you again."

"Well, the feeling is mutual, Ethan, or whatever you'll end up being called. And don't curse me, if you get transported to a world where your only choice is to die or become someone's bitch!" He was about to retort, but I sent him on his way.

Actually, where is he going? I looked at my Divine Smartphone's GPS tracker with semi-interest.

"F.u.c.k, his luck is the worst. Tokyo Ghoul?" I vaguely remember that manga, which I believe was created by the Japanese mangaka, Sui Ishida. The story centers around a boy named Ken Konoko, sorry, Ken Kaneki, I think, and he ends up being turned into a "ghoul", a creature that feasts on humans. His world is completely turned upside down, and a long-running theme for him personally during the series is figuring out where he belongs and who he is now. Like seriously, that kid went through a shit ton of identity crises. It was a fine manga, I guess (AN: I love it).

"Well, good luck," I said flatly. "You'll need it". I concluded.

Hey, are you done with talking to that mortal yet?" Zeus created a rift in the void and entered, giving me an enthusiastic handshake alongside his question.

I turned around to lack him and said with a grim grimace, "yeah, but he wasn't a pleasant company, that's for sure."

Zeus snorted in amus.e.m.e.nt and said, "obviously, you f.u.c.k.i.n.g killed him, with one of my lighting rods, no less. Of course, he was pissed. I know, I would be."

I weakly nodded in agreement and said, "yeah, well, I can't change the past, I'm not Chronos."

"That's the spirit." His eyes became sharp, "are we doing this thing or not?" The atmosphere was intense, and I could feel the killing intent flowing from his person.

"Yeah, I'm ready." I wore a ferocious smile; I was ready for this.

"Good, cause I'm tired of waiting. It's time to decide which one of us is the better man at, Super Smash Bros Melee!" He performed a spin and presented to me a Nintendo Game Cube.

"You're on." I approached and so did he. I had an overbearing presence and most likely looked f.u.c.k.i.n.g amazing (AN: NO, YOU DON'T!).